The Plagues

Greetings from Panama City!

 

I hope this entry finds all of you well! (all two of you)  I have just taken the first shower of the week; remind me tell you some time how much i adore hot water.  The place we went to was fantastic...a little hairy the first night of travel...but just perfect for the rest of the time.  Well, perfect...except for the plagues. 

Maybe a first-world vacation next time? 

Quesas.

 

Will post more (with pics) when i return.  Adios.

Riddler

.....or perhaps it's "Fiddler". His tattered shirt is covering his delt's so I can't see the first letter of his massive tattoo. Perhaps he loves Bette Middler? Yeah, prolly. Regardless, he stinks.

Anyway, greetings from the Naples/Collier County Public Library! I'm nearing the end of my vacation here and thought I would drop a line. The more challenging thing will be whether I post from the jungles of panama next week. Hmmm, i'll bring an extra coat hanger and a steel spork, that should do it.

Alright, back to being completely cut off from society...state of nature and all that. Later.

kranky

Alright....that's it.....tonight I decided that everyone sucks except for me....and this accapella group.

This medly is great if you played alot of NES as a kid....if not, go to hell, you won't get it. jerk.
http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/28721/
(The fucked up thing is that these guys are apparently from Madison, but had to go through an international site to find them....that's complete bullshit)
(have a good couple of weeks everyone)

breaking away

ugh....i'm completely tortured right now. i just bought a rilly purty bike today....she looks like this.
Her name is Allie....well, it may be what I call her until i get to know her (it's short for Allez....which can look like this; wow, I look different). Right now, I'm jonesing to play with her.....and it feels like this. But really, when I get to ride her, I'll look more like this. Which is okay, as long as I don't look like this or especially this...yikes! And maybe when i ride, I'll meet her ....but more likely i'll meet him....ewww [doesn't that look alot like allie? dude...keep the seat]. But nevermind all that, I need to get it fixed up first like this. More later.

[on another note, i think i need to get one of these, and one of her]

dissatisfaction

Good morning! I'm up early today for my disability insurance physical.....great.....on the one day of the year that I feel the worst. Do they check for Ebola Marburg? I think I have that.

On other medical thoughts.....There's a new study out of NU med that shows computer keyboards in hospitals can carry bacteria. Which means, the race is on for me to invent an antimicrobial eluting plastic for keyboards, thermometers, BP monitors, etc. They have drug eluting stents in cardiology; why can't they do it for plastic? Of course, it will prolly be caustic as hell and we will have our fingertips burned off....but that's the price to pay for clean keyboards. [ed note: I actually hate publicly available antimicrobials...because people ABUSE them to no end....we're creating millions of little neurotic Howared Hughes; just what the world needs]

Also on medicine....this cartoonist is fairly interesting....I've read some of her stuff and don't find it uproariously funny, but it is clever and I think it's a great way to poke fun at a previously taboo topic. [alot of NYT articles recently, strange]

And similar to love of cancer, is my love of pranks, like these folk to be featured soon on this american life on npr

fugue state

Ummmm......where to begin...so many things to write about......I'm not quite sure what's reality and what's not....let's hope it's all a dream.....especially the part about me standing at the bar next to the fifty year old fat guy in the thong and leather harness trying my darndest to avoid eye and/or body contact....puleeze be not real......more later.....


Lingks:
Women are great,right? Yep, I agree, they are so much better than guys (see the "man dates" article below). And now they have this... holeee sheeeeit.....ummm.....it better have a pretty darn good safety mechanism.

moblog

So, I hate the word "blog", it's annoying....well...almost as annoying as "moblog"....we'll see if I can figure out how to send my emails in as posts. Yeah, yeah, I know they make it idiot proof....somehow I still have trouble. hmmm. Maybe I'll buy an html book over break and learn something good. Oops, gonna go look at bikes and then work out. Later.

More Links:
Some really great power tips that I really need to follow; why don't more professionals share their secrets?

Our tax dollars at work...it's on an official [looking] site....now go and feed tina her dang ham.
I especially like section 2, lines 3 and 4

Alright, not exactly high school...it was just the beginning of my akwardness....i'm still a poor social eater. [Ed note: this picture was in TWO of the local papers when I was in third grade....great, there goes my fifteen minutes]

w00t!!

Alright, I'm finally done with this damn project. where's my beer? There were waaay more people than i expected to be there. I really hate public speaking so it didn't go so great, but it was a decent presentation at least....if only it wasn't given by me. Which leads me to think about ghost-writing presentations perhaps....just like this blog is ghost-written for the person who you think is writing this blog. Maybe I can ghost-write thank you notes, emails, and shopping to-do lists, etc. then i will take over the world.

So, I am completely in love with movies about food. I think it started with "Eat, Drink, Man, Woman", then came "Big Night", even "the cook, the thief, his wife, and her lover", "tampopo", "babbette's feast", "the scent of green papaya" "Like water for chocolate" "tortilla soup" etc. I love the way chef's work and love the artistry of great cooks. I just watched "mostly martha" this weekend which is about a chef in germany and her niece. It made me want to learn to cook so badly again.

Crap....there was a reason i was writing and i end up babbling about nothing in particular. oh wait, that's par for the course. (oh yeah, speaking of par for the course.....and you'll only hear me say this once....the only golf i'll watch all year is the masters, and even though it's embarrassing to admit,...there was some ridiculously great golf played this weekend....was there any doubt i'm a nerd?)

Lynxies:
Talk about loving cooking, man, these chef's take it a step further. Maybe i'll get my santoku tattooed onto my...um...oh nevermind.

So, I have a mild crush on Xeni; i know, i know; me and every other computer dork; here's the article on her in the LA times.

So...dooce just recently posted her high school yearbook pix.....i'm tempted.....i'm a masochist.

Clutter

I'm a foot under paper strewn all over my apartment that wasn't clean to begin with....i cannot wait to just trash everything. The opportunity for that, fortunately or unfortunately, is rapidly approaching. I will be doing my first run through right now....subsequently followed by several hours of scrambling for coherent information.

My soap that I just bought is gagging me right now....apparently the fine people that manufacture this product believe that people that have severely dry skin also smell like rotting wombat entrails and thus must be sufficiently subdued. I can't tell if my eyes are watering from that or from having to do my presentation tomorrow....I think a little from both columns.

Anyway, I stumbled across this photographer that seems to have Matthew Barney-esque imagery; i haven't clicked through this yet but it seems interesting:

http://www.fredrikodman.com/

I don't know if I posted this earlier, but i also really like the art of Ray Caesar:

http://www.raycaesar.com/pages/home.html

later.

Barbecue

My mom is all up in my grill...again...she figured out how to use email....now she can annoy me whenever she deems it necessary. Case in point, I sent her an article about Tim, who is graduating from medical school and who is blind; her reply to me (she can't type well yet, so her replies are spartan):

that was a great article.hes getting married also [sic].
Love
mom

What the hell is that about? If she's happy for Tim, then super. But I have a sneaking suspicion she is sending a not so subtle message.....hmmm......

OMG WTF NYT?!?!

Project update: fuck it.

I was flipping through the New York Times today and stumbled across this article (login required, if either of you two need it, I can give you mine). It's about "Man Dates" and chronicles this "new" phenomena. Don't even fucking get me started on this....oh wait...point of no return...looks like it's already started, so here it goes....
They define Man Date as:

"a man date is two heterosexual men socializing without the crutch of business or sports"

Oh shit, i am apparently on an eternal "man date" since i don't have business lunches and i don't follow sports....well fuck a duck....I guess i AM on the dating scene! Thanks NYT!

and the fucking geniuses go on to say:

"(Women understand this [emotional support from these interactions] instinctively, which is why there is no female equivalent to the awkward man date; straight women have long met for dinner or a movie without a second thought.) "

Aren't women so great? This article clearly chronicles why: they are not fucking morons as we men apparently are. They can 1) eat and 2) watch things....both comfortably and easily...effortlessly....they thus have an obvious advantage over us (and also apparently lesbians, as implied by the statement)

No, wait, there's more:

"Some men avoid dinner altogether unless the friend is coming from out of town ....."

(anorexia? poor confused, starving fuckers)

"Other men say dinners may be all right, but never brunch, although a post-hangover meal taking place during brunch hours is O.K. "The company at that point is purely secondary,"

"But there is something kind of odd about splitting a bottle of wine with a guy."

HOLY SHIT, GET SOME BALLS [figuratively]. It always seems to amaze me how much people [mostly men] are uncomfortable with their sexuality. What? Are they worried that they'd be sharing a bottle of wine with their guy friend and accidentally put his cock in their mouth?!? (sorry, about the profanity, but i'm riled up) And why the fuck is being gay such a horrible thing that you spend 99% of your day trying to make people think you aren't? Get over it.
If you like men, great! enjoy brunch...marigold kitchen is the greatest place for that. If you pretend you like women, but really like guys...apparently all you have to do is go to dinner...poof...your fuckin outed chief, deal with that, byotch.
And for all the men that I've apparently dated while in Madison....I'm sorry I misled you. I have been taking you all out, having non-sport, non-business conversations; often drinking together; often having brunch (i'll admit, I was NOT EVEN ONCE hung over); talking about music, film, literature, and [gag] our personal lives. We've gone to shows together. We've laughed together. I'm sure we've heard a cello together at least once. And shared the dull shifting glow of candle light (or at least candela light) together. But I misled you this entire time...these were not dates to me...the thousands of these episodes were just as friends. Not once did I ever imagine thrusting my hands down your trousers.

okay, maybe once.

Freaks and Geeks

alright....procrastination is key....i'm a master. I just watched an episode of freaks and geeks. The reality is all too painful (maybe my last post in my other blog about "sin city" made me nostalgic for the really fucking bad old days of high school. This show is so good, it's too bad it didn't make it. Judd Apatow is apparently getting huge; blowin up n'shit. sell out. ouch, sorry, that's rude.

Hey...you know, blogging is interesting because it's people putting out their thoughts into the ether without any feedback....it's sort of humbling and can be fairly embarrassing (why do it? sheer boredom). You know what would make this perfectly worthwhile and utterly humiliating? Pictures from my youth! Yeah, that'd be fun. Re-living the dark days....yes, I'm a masochist. And after you see them, you'll owe me a beer.

By the way, frozen yogurt does NOT keep well for six months.

The Backyardigans

I only have one TV channel. I know I've said it before and hate being redundant. But I think it's relevant since I am trying to procrastinate but have nothing to watch (i'm saving a movie for this afternoon). So, all I have to watch on Saturday morning is Cartoons. Now, for the most part, cartoons pretty much blow these days....no more beautifully drawn, well orchestrated cartoons of the fifties, sixties, and seventies. Now they're all computer generated and trite. However, on several occasions similar to today, I've watched a show called the Backyardigans. It's a crew of ethnic animal/creatures that have annoying banter; however, the songs that they sing are really catchy and well played....the lyrics are stupid but what the hell do you expect. Today is tango day. I need to make kids shows and make some serious bank.
I'm a twenty-eight year old professional.
Shit....I need to get back to work.

And for your information, Dora the Explorer is completely ridiculous, patronizing, and an absolute waste of time.

Peloton

I went to the bike store today....I felt waaaay out of place at first.....pretty much like i do at any place where I'm at the mercy of others [Hence, my predilection for internet shopping and self checkout aisles...pathologic, i know]
But I haven't really been in a bike store in years....and didn't realize how much i missed it....so many beautiful machines. I went with a friend who helped me feel not so stupid, which was nice of them. I forgot about cycling for a long time; mmmm, I want one but should do the responsible shopper bit first. I'm not sure if it will be a waste of money....i can get pretty lazy some times. But i forgot the fluidity and speed. alright, i'm smiling again, i'm sold. back to my presentation.

Our House (in the middle of the street)

The other day I had to show my friend's house for them while they were away on vacation. What qualifications, you may ask, do I have for this particular job? Well, the first and most important one is that I'm a sucker (or "sucka" fo tha kids in the hood). The second qualification for this is that I can mind my p's and q's when I have to. So, they gave me a time to meet the potential buyers (we'll call them "perps" from here on out....I know it doesn't quite fit, but i need to add some street cred to this wiary (web-diary)[i hate the word blog]).

It was actually kind of fun....especially since I had nothin to lose.

But then, as the tour progressed, I realized I got shafted in this job by my friends. Hey, I can work magic when magic needs to be worked [narcissism]....however, these kind of working conditions were a handicap that was tough to surmount. I needed more information.

I think they sensed this too....and then it began.....the questions: "How much is the electricity per month?" "What kind of water heater is it?" etc.

That's when the dance began. "Well, the toilets are an American Standard 6.0 liter per flush, with low flow mechanics" "The heater does take into account the two bathrooms and has reserve for the dishwasher, which is on a separate circuit" Tap tap tap "The washer and dryer both earned the EPA's energy star rating and consumer reports ten best for top loading small capacity machines"; shuffle step; "The light switches are on a separate power grid than the plugs in the event of a surge causing a "Tesla" type mechanisms to have multicircuit system failure" Riffle step "The doors are on a double latch mechanism that prevent accidental openage as well as increased weather protection especially in a class I squall" slide "The toilet seats are built with shatterproof technology for added safety in the imminent event of an accidental drop from a full 90 degrees azimuth". and take a bow.

Pshew.....it wore me out. Yeah, i think i sold it, my friends owe me big.

Oops, gotta go, you're here.

Quote of the Day: "The odds are good....but the goods are odd."

shave

didja ever go to get waxed and you can't decide if you want the hitler or the kojak? yeah, me neither.

Contagious

What a bust. I'm tired and cranky. I wasn't able to work on my project much today. might as well write a little bit.

I have a pimple just below my lower lip...I get them occasionally, especially when I grow my goattee....It's just below the left corner.....and it looks to everyone else like i have a horrible disease. Just great.

My tongue is sore and tired.
Both of my arms are bright red....they'd be bruised if I ever did bruise.
Fingernail marks over the back of my hands and forearms.
Is my cheek bleeding?
God, there's bite marks all over my knuckles, hands, and lower lip
.....how the hell did this happen?

Oh yeah, I remember.....for the life of me, I could NOT stay awake at work.....one 20oz of mt dew, one cup of black coffee, one entire half cannister of altoids.....nothing was working....here comes the self abuse.....grrrr, i'm a tired boy.

Our little Yoko

Look, if you're going to complain about me not writing....and then get all up in my grill for not working on my project...you better just leave now. Hello? Hello?!?! Oops, talking to myself again...you'd never think this blog would have the loud echo that it does...or the chirping crickets.

This week has been busy, and my project is not going as well as I would like, but really it doesn't matter. There's all this turmoil this week amongst colleagues and friends that makes things more dramatic...at least it's better than my project, right? However, I have decided to take a laissez-faire attitude toward other people's personal lives. We're all adults and are capable of making our own decisions....even if they may be bad ones. [Not that I'm saying a certain persons decisions are good OR bad....and we all learn from bad decisions....erm....not that THIS per se is a bad decision....uh....there are pluses and minuses to every decision...shit....alright, keep me out of it....i'm beige...i'm fucking switzerland now]

Ooh, there's a new VCR here at work...and hey it says "Year 2000 compliant!"....hmmm, i'm not quite sure what that means...i'm just going to back away from it now. I love my Panashonic.

Alright, be good...or at least carefull....well, fine, just be discreet then.

Beatz

Oops, today has been a busy day for the most part; unfortunately no chunk of time is availabe for me to work on anything worthwhile.....i mean, sure, writing about my socks is absolutely worthwhile and this kind of discussion is exactly why the internet was invented [by Al Gore].

Two thoughts have popped up while I'm trapped here:
1) I just bought a phenomenal new record from a woman named M.I.A. called Arula (or something like that). She's this Sri Lankan garage rapper that just has these infectious beats throughout. I think she'll get huge pretty soon. Which is great, because in the future i can say i listened to her way back in early '05 but now she totally sold out.

2) I'm really bummed out about Mitch Hedberg dying this past week from a heroin overdose. He was by far one of my favorite comedians out there. I luckily just went to see him late last year and he put on a phenomenal show. I think I know most of his routines by heart. It's too bad; I think he has a new CD/DVD he just put out.


Interesting but strangely immature sounding [at least to my ears] article in New York Magazine about arranged marriage.

Not so dirty, dirty sounding words

Icon Magazine's 21 biggest influences on design: I just got my ikea catalog this week, great.

NY Times Magazine Huge article on Murakami and other awesome japanese designers I love:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/03/magazine/03MURAKAMI.html?pagewanted=1&th&emc=th

Half mast

Alright, whomever invented daylight savings time is an idiot. She was probably thinking it would be soooo great to change our clocks to match the seasonal cycles....what she did not plan on was the tremendous mindfuck it causes twice a year. Jerk. I can barely keep my eyes open today....could it have been the movie at 2 AM the previous night? Or the late partying, grinding, and body shots last night? Or the handful of downers I just took? Nope...it's that dang "spring forwards!" hour.

While I'm whining, let me talk about my socks. I mean, sure, I got them at deep discount at a going out of business sale....but I still paid for them and can still complain. The size on the package says sock sizes 7-13....SOCK SIZES? What the fuck does that mean? Since when have I ever been fitted for socks?!?!?[....hmm...should I have been? Damn, gotta ask mom] Regardless, in parenthesis on the package, it says "For shoe sizes 4.5-12"...Yeah, I was pretty skeptical myself at the huge range, but really I had no alternative sizing charts to choose from. Now, I'm sitting here with these damn lilliputian socks that the ribbed top cuff reaches only halfway up my heel....and because they were so cheap, i bought the damn pack of eight. Brilliant. ....And i can just imagine the rage from the guy with size 12 shoes that tries these bad boys on...

Links:
Congratulations go to Tim, he absolutely deserves every accolade you can heap on him; check out his CNN article! (and how come I'm not mentioned?)

So, you fancy yourself a bigot, eh? Well prove it here on these IAT tests from Harvard.

My Blue Heaven

I'll be honest with you....I really don't want to work on my project today. I'm so cold right now that my finger tips are a bluish hue....well, i guess everywhere else in the world it's spring and the air conditioning should be rightfully on, EXCEPT FOR THIS ARCTIC TUNDRA. [Yes, yes, you little professor....correction, everywhere in the Northern hemisphere it's spring, I know....and this isn't actually tundra or arctic...oh, why don't you just shut up]. And i'm exhausted from staying out too late, compounded by stupid daylight savings time. jerks. Oops, gotta go, i'll save that rant for later.

All Zen-like

So, driving home from downtown, I decided to pop into the record store. Flipping through the recommended used discs, an old Husker Du album that I used to listen to was there. So, I decided to throw it into the in-store station and listen to a little bit for old time sake. After listening for a few seconds, a kid (about seven or eight) came up to the station and said to his mom that he wanted to listen to something. I gave him my headphones, thinking he would put in whatever he wanted. However, he put the headphones on with Bob Mould screaming in his ear and out of the corner of my I could see he was smiling this huge smile. About a minute later, he's bouncing up and down excitedly and he shouts to his mom, and the rest of the store for that matter, over the loud guitars in his ears "I love this!!!".
Sniff, Sniff....it is so awesome to see someone excited about music. His mom probably hates me now.

Radical Rite

So, ummm, I really AM working on my project, i swear; i'm trying to slog through a bunch of articles and it kinda blows. I'm in a local coffee shop, living the cliche; the main selling point of this place is that it's not crammed with hipster kids spending all their time posturing....just me trying to be a hipster spending all my time posturing. But I digress.
The reason I've decided to switch gears and write for a few minutes, is to watch the newly formed cluster of tables in front of me; there is what seems to be a bible study going on. Hey, I've had my share of bible study, sure; but this is the most ragged-ass group of thumpers i've ever seen. I'm pretty sure one of them still has a needle in his arm. Which is great, because it proves that faith is blind....but it also better not have a good sense of smell or it'd be in trouble here. I don't know why i'm picking on them. Oh wait, perhaps it's because one of the scary guys won't stop staring at me. Hmmm, perhaps proclaiming "Jihad!" will make things better? Get thee to AA/NA, prithee.

Oh yeah, and this place has pretty good music occasionally. Right now they're playing "If you're feeling sinister" the second Album from Belle and Sebastian. I just adore that album, from the cover art to the last song, it seriously changed my musical taste. I used to only listen to electronic music for that period of time but heard this at the radio station and it really grew on me. In the same week that I heard "Sinister", I also heard the Neutral Milk Hotel album "In the Aeroplane over the Sea". After that, everything changed.
Enough pontificating about music, back to work.