Things you don't want to hear at an airport...

Alright....so tonight i should be in Burlington, VT....or rather BRRRlington...
Isn't that cute? I've already made a little nickname for it. I am adorable sometimes. Anyways, I was supposed to fly in tonight after work.....however, Northwest had other plans....Here's how it went down:

ACT 1 Scene 1
Northwest check in computer kiosk after I entered my credit card: !@#$!@#%!#$%!#@$%@ [or at least the Thai equivalent....it decided that I no longer needed english and decided to display in Thai] The gist being: you totally fucked dude, talked to the underpaid fella at the counter...
Act 1 Scene 2
Ron [aka roid raged fella behind the counter] - "CHECK IN USING THE COMPUTER!!!"
Me: but the computer said to talk to you....i think
RRFBTC: oh, fine, give me your information. Your flight is cancelled. Go to delta, their flight is leaving now.
Me: What? I wasn't notified....
RRFBTC: Just go, and hurry, it's leaving right now!!!
and so like a chump, your fearless protaganist shuffles down to Delta....all the way across the terminal

ACT 2 Scene 1
The protaganist arrives at the delta counter after shlepping his bags across the entire terminal. Visibly sweating and pissed, he stands behind the family of four arguing about extra fees incurred from a large bag. He listens:

Asshat family: Well what if we send it on a different flight? We don't need it right away.
Delta Jackass: You can't send a bag without someone accompanying it...
AF: But it's going to same place?!?!?
DJ: It has to accompany a passenger
AF: But why?
The protagonist does not see why these people are arguing...of course delta should take their ticking, TNT laden bag on a separate flight...He is startled by the voice of the Delta Jackass pointed squarely at his chest...
DJ: Sir, do you need to check in?
Me: I was sent down here to make the four o'clock flight from the Northwest counter...
DJ: give me your info
furious typing ensues, your protaganist realizes he is doomed; sweat soaks his fake camel hair coat
DJ: you are not on this flight
Me: [immediately realizing the futility] I know, I was told my flight was cancelled and I need to get on this one....
DJ: You are not on this flight
Me: I know....
DJ: You need to go back there....
Me: Couldn't you just call?
DJ: [like Pilate washing his hands] This is Northwest's mess, they need to take care of their own trash
The protagonist turns and sulks back to the NW counter, realizing all to late that he was just called "trash"

ACT 3 Scene 1
The protagonist waits in a makeshift line...not really a line but a "hovering mass" in front of the check-in desks, mentally making note of the people who were before and after him in the seething crowd, ready to right any injustice caused by the ever growing throngs, practicing in his head his cries of "who arrived before whom"....Finally, he gets nearer the front....

Me: RON! THEY TOLD ME TO COME BACK, RON. I WASN'T ON THAT FLIGHT, RON [trying to make "Ron" sound like a four letter word]....
Ron: [does not say a word, but acts in a way that says "I will now ignore you completely, keep talking to my thick neck, chump"]

Missy [aka sharp NW clerk]: May I help you?
Me: I was told my flight was cancelled
SNWC: A flight was cancelled...oh no!
SNWC: [after a few moments] Oh, YOUR flight was cancelled, Pshew.
Me: [muttering to himself] pshew?
SNWC: Let me check things out....
[furious typing ensues]
SNWC: There's no way we can get you to Burlington
Me: thinking: Was it destroyed? Is it under Seige? Have the Huns finally attacked?
Me: What are my options?
[more furious typing]
SNWC: we can get you to Boston...that's four hours away....Or Montreal, did you bring your passport?
Me: (Are you joking? Is this goddam "Moonraker"?!?) No, sorry
SNWC: Let me call them
SNWC: Hello? What are the options for blah blah blah
SNWC: Oh really? How long of a drive is that?
SNWC: Well two hours isn't too long
Me: (wha? Two hour drive?)
SNWC: [quieter] Well it looks like the only option he has
Me: (Hey...what did they say?!?)
SNWC: and what's the car availability?
Me: (did i just hear laughter on the line?)
[she hangs up]
SNWC: Well, we can get you to Manchester, which is two hours away on backroads...it's going to snow tonight....and there's no guarantee of a car....
Me: Wow, sounds great! Sign me up.
The protagonist walks out of the airport thinking that he somehow won. Sure, he gets his money back...but he'll have to reschedule and do this all over again....and on top of that, still pay a four dollar parking fee. But he's blind to it, he walks with a new spring in his step...it's like free time for him....what will he do with that time? He realizes and chuckles to himself, he'll blog about this....