Justice as Blind as my Fury

[warning: this is a long post, go to the bathroom now]

On Wednesday, I had my big day in court.   No, no, not for the indecent exposure.....the OTHER court case [and really, nothing about my exposure is indecent in the slightest].  The court case for those jerks that relieved me of my wallet and dignity a year and a half ago.  [Well, actually, I was headed to a Morrissey show at the time....so I guess my dignity was already gone].  Anyway, I was all amped up for the trial since I would have to testify as the "star" witness [meaning: the dude that got mugged].

 

Here's my experience, in list form:

1)  I realized I needed to testify out of civic duty and for closure....but more importantly, because of the subpoena.

2)  My bowels hate me.  They especially hate me when driving an hour and a half to Milwaukee to get to court.  Trying to take medicine to help only makes them angrier. [completely unrelated: if I were you, I wouldn't ride in my car for a week or so.]   [just kidding...really]

3)  Parking for the Courthouse is really expensive.  And the underground garage entrance is labeled "NO ENTRANCE".  And cops that you ask where to park, point angrily at the entrance with the "NO ENTRANCE" sign.  And citizens going to testify become wary that it is all a trap but go through that entrance anyway. And police officers can't read, apparently.

4) The tunnel from the Parking Ramp to the Courthouse in Milwaukee is where Evil lives....and apparently urinates

5)  Security is really tight to get into the court house.  A Fisher Space Pen will be regarded as a lethal weapon because it is both smooth AND shiny.  I presume that the question in the security officers head was "Why would you need a 'SPACE' pen for Earth Court?"  Good question, champ.

6) Court Rooms look nothing like Night Court.

7) This Court Room looked like the basement in our old house.  I did not see the ping pong table.

8) It was really crowded in the court house, I thought it was all for my trial.  It was going to be all "To Kill A Mockingbird" style and dramatic.  I was wrong on many accounts.

9) I found out that I dressed better than everyone in the room, including the lawyers. It wasn't hard.  I wore socks.

10) After an hour and a half, they called my case.  My heart raced as I thought about how I was going to point and shout "THAT MAN.  THAT MAN, RIGHT THERE!!!"

11) The fucker stood up with his public defender.  He plead guilty right off the bat.  He coulda done that yesterday and saved me this damn trip to the courthouse.  He's wasted my time once again.  Thanks, asshat.

12) find a bathroom....ewww...public bathroom....even worse....courthouse public bathroom

13) Get out of the parking ramp before I get mugged.

14) Self satisfaction at a day well spent

 

Bless the Justice System.  It obviously works.

Mental Note

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happiness

oh yeah, i almost forgot!  Last night I was filled with a tremendous amount of joy that could hardly be contained.  It seems that our local cover band, the hometown sweethearts, has added Neutral Milk Hotel to its repertoire.  Hearing "In the Aeroplane Over The Sea" live made me immensely happy last night.  Simple pleasures.  Sigh.

"Tame" with an "L"

Hello!  Long time no post.  Things are busy here.  However, I just celebrated my 30th birthday last evening, hooray!  I hadn't been out in a while, so it was pretty fun.  AND we got to play pool without getting harrassed by a certain someone that has recently relocated to NYC.  The freedom was invigorating.  I ended up getting home very late, however, did not feel the slightest bit hungover today....take that, thirty!  Well, today's a busy day and tomorrow I leave for Syracuse, NY (the 'Cuse, to those in the know) to chill wid my best girl and her folks.  Hopefully I won't get beaten (too badly).

Bless the....

Bless the magical powers of Air Conditioning.  That's it.  That's all I got.  Oh yeah, and pity for those who don't have it.  Rubes.

Infinitely Divisible

It's getting out of control. It owns me. It's my to-do list. It is seriously ridiculous. Apparently I can't remember to do daily functions without writing it down. For example, this morning, I actually wrote down "Trim Fingernails" on my list...that is a box I cannot wait to check off. And yesterday, just before doing some exercise, I wrote "Do exercise" just so I could fill in a box. It's a disease. My gas gauge in my car isn't enough to tell me that my gas is low, now I have it written on my 3x5 notecard to let me know that I do, indeed, need to get gas.

And then there are these cryptic items that I no longer know what to make of them....such as "Jacket". What does that mean? Did I leave my jacket somewhere? What's wrong with my jacket? It's 80 degrees here, I don't even need a jacket. Or did I mean "Jackel"? Did I want to buy a jackel? Should I read about jackels? And why would I misspell "jackal", anyway? Or my favorite entry on my to-do list that never seems to get checked off: "clean". Which is second only to "read". Oh, here's a new one "burn to-do list". Well, at least I can check off "Write blog entry about to-do list". Sweet, I feel much better already.

I didn't know that...

On one of Madison's morning news programs, one of the guys said that Ice Cube's birthday is today; apparently he's a 37 year old Raptor.  I believe he meant to say Rapper/Actor, however the former is much cooler and something I did not know about Cube.  It makes him that much more intimidating.

Filmy coating

Alright, I just got into another super long conversation about movies.  It just so happened that the woman I was talking to has a completely opposite view of movies than I do; I'm apparently a "movie snob".  She thinks that movies are to entertain (sure) and sad movies are a waste of money to see and make (ummm...), heavy dialog movies are pointless because anyone can talk alot(but....), action movies aren't realistic (ditto for sci-fi) (wha?....), blah blah blah....

what tha fuck?!?  Where do people get these ridiculous thoughts?  I was sure that she had been molested in some way as a child.  I thought she was joking, she wasn't; it hurts my soul.  So, here are some movies that I defended as "rad":

1) Silence of the Lambs: Her quote: "Creepy".  Wrong, its outstanding.  Sure, a little disturbing, but just great all around; there isn't a week that goes by that I don't say "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose"...but really, who doesn't?

2) Godfather: "Too long" wtf?!? I don't even know where to start.  Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

3) Mulholland Drive, Full Metal Jacket, Kill Bill: "blink. blink [blank stares]" alright, let's move on; I'd thought I'd try....

4) Before Sunrise/Before Sunset: major releases, mainstream, with "stars", I thought I would get her on this:  "Too talky".  It's ALL talk, and that's what makes it charming and fantastic.  You're right, sorry, let's go back to talking about your shampoo.

5) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Also a major studio release.  interesting plot idea, great use of effect and flashback and narrative, nonlinear and active.....the only comment: I liked Jim Carey better in Cable Guy.  Nuff said.

6) Lost in Translation: sparse, great characters, great visuals...."BORING.  Nothing happened!"  Just kill me.

7) Rushmore: also engaging characters, carefully orchestrated sets, use of color and light...."Kinda funny but Bill Murray is usually funnier, he wasn't at all funny in Lost in Translation"  Where did I pack that gun?

8) Apocalypse Now: "Never heard of it".  Oh shit, you are making me cry.  You spent your whole life being "cute" and you are an utter disappointment as a human.  Bless the American Public school system

Alright...this is an uphill battle...what movies did we agree on?  Swingers, Shawshank Redemption, Garden State, and Old School.  I now hate these movies.  Oh yeah, then we had this amazing discussion about Kurosawa.  Oh wait, no...

Flickr Killr?

Uh oh.  The program I know and love, Picassa, is finally online....here.  What does that mean?  Is flickr doomed?  I never liked the GUI of Flickr, but it's grown on me and I have hundreds of pictures and millions of contacts....um, okay, well I really DO have hundreds of pictures there.  It looks pretty, but at least for right now, it's too little, too late, goggles.  Unless you can say "hello" to me in a dozen different languages, then I'm totally in.

Name that Smell

That's the name of the completely not cool game I'm playing with my officemates.  Today's answer: leftover Thai food in a backpack! Yum. 

Can't wait for Armageddon.

Space

Yikes, sorry about that previous post.  I had a moment of weakness.  Well, though my bowels doth protest, I will persevere.  This weekend, I ended up going to a sailing club ground school.  I've lived in Madison for four years now (!) and have yet to shout "Prepare to be boarded!" and really mean it.  I want my timbers shivered, damnit.  I'm having a hard time figuring out when my first class will be, two days in a row has proven to be difficult.  I think it will be the long course this weekend. 

     Anyway, the reason I'm writing about it is that I met these two brothers Cullen and Cyrus.  The were very nice, outgoing, and were two brothers moving to Madison this Summer.  They were having trouble signing some forms due to a waxy coating....and I brandished my trusty Fisher Space Pen.  It made short work of the wax.  However, Cyrus retorted that the Fisher space pen is an example of American penchant for Waste; to wit, it cost 1 million dollars to create it, while the Russians simply used pencils!  Oh smug Cyrus, why could you not be like your older, wiser, less contrarian brother, Cullen?

     Yes, it did cost one million dollars to create, but it's ingenious, beautiful technology.  It was part of the writing utensil cold war; another "arms race", so to speak.  We could not be left behind.  I mean, the Russian Cossack used sabres to kill Bolsheviks, while Americans used expensive but efficient bolt action rifles to slaughter our "foes" (like Native Americans).  [umm.  yeah. let's forget that part of history]  However, what were we going to do, let the Russians win this pen race?  When it's 120 degrees Celsius below zero, will Ivan's pencil be able to write "Da svidaniya"?  Well, okay....yeah it will, but will (s)he be as stylish?  And what if that cold piece of paper has grease on it....y'know, frozen space grease?  Yeah, that's right, our guys will be writing "God Bless America"....until they freeze to death....in that greasy, cold abyss.

     Or just maybe that's all a myth, and they just didn't want errant broken lead whizzing around the shuttle.  Whatever, either way, you can just shut up, Cyrus. 

Gut Check

Dear GI system (including but not limited to Colon, Stomach, Small bowel, et al),

 

Hello!  I know this may be kind of weird, but I just wanted to say hi.  Look, you've lived inside me for very close to thirty years, and we've had some good times, right?  Remember that one time we ate at that Chinese place in Singapore?  Yeah, it was delicious, right?  I'm still craving that dish!  Ooohwee!  And I bet you loved all those cookies I ate this weekend!  (I had to test them out!)  Unfortunately, your upstairs neighbor "belly flab" is also enjoying them apparently, as is his cousin (and your coworker), "ghetto booty".  They seem to be growing by leaps and/or bounds. 

     Anywho, I know you're busy digesting all that grapenut cereal and whatnot from this morning, so I won't take up much of your time.   But really, I have to come out and say it.  Have some common decency.  You know my schedule.  Stick to it.  You know when I'm at home and you know when I'm at work.  And you MUST know about my phobia of outside bathrooms.  No, no, I'm not talking about the intricate decision making process I go through every time I choose a urinal; I'm talking about the tremendous aversion to using public toilets for your byproduct....umm....we'll call it "the ikis" (two or deuce (?) in Turkish).  Seriously, don't be all grouchy all morning and then not produce....then the second I step into work, act all proud for bringing "los ninos" for swim practice.  I am  not going to stand for it.  My secret work-bathroom MUST remain a secret, I can't go use it every day or it will get found out.  And then what will we do?  That's right, adult diaper.  Then you and your buddy "ghetto booty" will have alot to talk about, won't you?  (sorry you had to get involved in this, internet).

fetishist

sunrise 6/11
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Geez. I cannot stop taking a ridiculous number of pictures of the sunrise (103 this morning). Maybe it's because it's a pretty easy target and takes little skill. Maybe it's because I've never lived in a place that the sunrise has been so accessible (yes, that's right, I lived "where the sun don't shine"). I wish our sunsets weren't behind trees and houses....of course, it saves me about an hour out of my day.....and saves you from an insufferable [larger] number of pics.
And just one note to the coffee shop that I'm in. Way to go for installing outlet strips around your place. And props for staying relatively empty (not great for you, but awesome for me). But most importantly, way to go barrista for picking some pretty fucking awesome music to rock out to. 'Kay, back to reading. Later.

Is Bliss

One of my friends came in this morning to tell me a story hoping to gain a friend in arms.  She said she was "totally a victim of road rage" this morning and that she was traumatized.  She repeatedly professed her innocence and proceeded to tell me the story.  The story where she says she accidentally cut off a guy.....because she was talking on her cell phone.....and didn't see him in the other lane....and then subsequently cut him off again to get back into the lane she previously was in because she wasn't paying attention to the fact that she was in a "turn-only" lane.  Yeah.  I'd love to support my friends...but I'm gonna back away slowly from that one.

Cranky

So, not only have I been really tired, I've been really cranky.  And nobody is helping with that at all.  For example, my officemate.  Yes, the one that talks incessantly.  Yes, the one that cannot drink out of a soda bottle without splashing it all over the place.  Yes, the one who (whom?) continues to leave old food containers open on his desk for days (now a full week).  Yes, the one who repeatedly uses my desk "because it's neater".  Okay, you get the point (but I could go on...that's a threat).  Anyway, his newest habit is staring at my computer as he walks into the office, just standing behind me seeing what I'm reading.  And this morning, I decided to read an article in the New York Times....and, sure enough, he stood behind me and asked me about it.  I told him what the article was about.  AND THEN HE PULLED UP A CHAIR TO READ OVER MY SHOULDER.  Mmmm, feeling his hot coffee breath on my ear...really, truly turns me on.  THERE ARE FOUR OTHER COMPUTERS IN THIS ROOM, GO AWAY.  I wonder if he can hear me screaming in my head?  Naw, the dude doesn't even take audible hints.  Just kill me.

van Winkle

yellow
Originally uploaded by puma1.

DAMNIT! So, I apologize for not blogging, things have been a little bit busy here. It's around one a.m. right now. Yep. AND I JUST WOKE UP. Stupit nap and stupit alarm. A twenty minute "power nap" has turned into an 8 hour "ULTRA MEGA OMNIPOTENT POWER NAP!!!" Awesome. What a waste of a day. The worst feeling is waking up when it's dark and not knowing what the fuck is going on. I think it took me twenty minutes to figure out what the hell had happened. And now I'm hongry....is Perkin's still open? Whatevs, I'm going back to bed.

Small Town

So, I ended up going to see Tapes n' Tapes last night.  And, per usual, I went alone to the show.  However, I realized again what a small town this is since I end up seeing the same usual suspects there.  I think there were at least seven people I know by name and another handful that I know by sight; and one dude I know by smell....take a bath, dude, those dreads are nasty. 

But the one thing I do like about this town is that there isn't the indie-rock posturing that infected Detroit when I lived near there.....if you said you didn't know a band, here their happy to tell you about them rather than puking on you in disgust (I do realize that I should have used a contraction for "they're" instead of "their" but it seemed so difficult to do at the time, I'm over it now) ( I also realize that puking in disgust seems to be a common reaction for those around me, weird).  Anyway, it was a really fun show and I got to talk to a bunch of people I see only on the rare occasion that I drag my ass to a show. 

I also went out this morning because the sunrise looked pretty cool.  And I saw the hugest fishes out there.  B told me they were there, but I didn't think they were as big as he said.  One of them even tried to swallow my leg.  That's a lie, I just didn't know how to end that paragraph. Anyway, I'm supposed to be doing work, hope everyone has a good day.

Rubicon

DAMNIT!!! You just can't recover from where I am.  DAMN YOU INTERNET!  Why do you cause me problems always?!?!  Look, I was innocently looking at JALG (justalittleguy.blogspot.com ) and decided to check out cuteoverload...cuz I haven't had enough of my pukingly-cute-animal-fix.  So there I am checking out the page....and my boss walks in...and sees me looking at kittens dressed up in cute little fucking outfits.

I'm gonna have to leave this town now....

 

Mime

Well, I didn't really realize it was Thursday already!  Time flies when your preoccupied with stupid crap.  Well, I was going to write about the past weekend...I guess it's a moot point now.  On the plus side, I think I'm going to go to a Tapes n' Tapes show tonight if I can get tickets....though spending all night awake this past evening does not bode well for the show.

Here's a little recap of the weekend:

-Went to Seattle, met my sister's boo; he seems like a nice guy, she seems to like him, good enuf.  Spent Tuesday night arguing with my parents

-Went to one day of the Sasquatch music festival....It was GORGE-ous (punny, pictures later) but I don't think my sis was too into it.  I only saw a few bands....and narrowly missed the hail...pshew

-Had an anaphylactic reaction and came very close to dying but I was too stubborn/arrogant to go to the hospital

-Hung out with J alot which was great, unfortunately he threw his back out on Saturday....getting old blows.

-lost my fucking moleskine

-Blah blah blah

 

links:

Fontolicious - article about Microsoft's new Word default font

....Which led me to this very interesting article on fonts where the author talks about the effect fonts have had on his grades; similarly,  companies with simple names do better ....both of these go to show that humans are morons

A funny list of "booking bands" band names combined with books

Awesome new moleskine lets you design your own city guide

clerks II got a standing ovation at Cannes?  Is that a pig flying?

World Cup Time! In case someone's looking for the TV schedule for ESPN/2

Cool site with excerpts from interviews with photographers

In Turkey, I had mentioned Dazzle Camo to you g, well, here's that site

Also, they had identified all the fonts in the thank you for smoking intro.  Here they are.