Bridesmaidz

So, I crashed a wedding last night.  No, no, I'm not proud of that fact; I was rather uncomfortable doing it.  However, when one of my roommates and another friend called me late last night, stinking drunk, asking me to come to a wedding they were attending, who am I to refuse?  I mean, it's one of the laws of nature.....or thermodynamics....I can't remember which.
And being the only...um....international attendee [read: darky]....in the entire crowd of 200+, I stuck out like a sore, embarrassed, akward thumb.  The bride's father kept eyeing me, the groomsmen wondering who the hell I was, the event staff waiting for me to walk away with some chairs or something.  Yikes.  This was a bad idea.
But, regardless, I found my friends and started talking to them.  Things were slightly less uncomfortable once it was established that I actually knew somebody at the wedding.  Pshew. 
But then it got worse.....fast.

Here are the highlights, in bullet form for your reading ease and enjoyment:
-P.Y.T. by M. Jackson played, dancefloor clears (I know! it was ridiculous! those philistines!)
-Immediately get spotted by inebriated bridesmaid....I knew I shouldn't have worn purple
-Aforementioned bridesmaid persists in "dancing" with me....in actuallity, she was rubbing on my leg while I kept her from face planting into the dancefloor
-Idiot DJ then plays "Every Rose Has its Thorn"; I am immediately surprised at how strong the grip of a 110lb woman can be as I try to exit the dancefloor
-"Slow dancing" turns into "Slow wrestling" as she is too drunk to dance....discomfort level rising
-She slurs "Ohmygod, I'm soooo shorry, I have a berfriend" I assume this meant boyfriend...I am relieved.  Yet, I am still unable to extricate myself.
-She immediately says "Oh what the hell, let's just have fun tonight!"....discomfort level rapidly rising at the same rate as the groping
-I look to roommate for help.  He is useless.
-She continues to talk about something or other; i'm trying to figure out if there is perhaps a hint of vomit in her heavily alcohol scented breath?
-She then tries to find something in my pocket...does she need to borrow my cell?  Let's hope so...Discomfort level at an all time high
-I declare that I'm leaving the wedding and spend the rest of the evening waiting for my friends with my tail between my legs just outside the doors.

FUN!  I gotta remember that weddings are evil places that should be avoided like the plague.  It serves me right for crashing the wedding.  Lesson learned, Aesop.