Secret[ary]

An Open Letter to the Secretary in my Department,

 

Hi!  How are you?  How have your first few weeks been going?  I'm sure pretty rough, it's a pretty steep learning curve, I know.  Thanks for all of your help last week, I really appreciate it, by the way. 

Oh, there is one thing, though, that I wanted to talk to you about.  Yes, well, it's about my arch-nemesis.  Oh, "Which one?" you ask..haha..that's clever!  Good one.  Yes, well anyway; you know, my arch-nemesis that works in our department named "F**krod*ssholemotherf*ckerd*ckwadpieceofsh*tj*zzball"?  Well, sure, that's not his real name, but every time you mistake him for me and say "hello, [asshat's name instead of mine]", all I hear is "Hi F**krod*ssholemotherf*ckerd*ckwadpieceofsh*tj*zzball!!!"  So, if you could correct that, that'd be great.  Thanks!