Mommie Dearest

An Open Letter to My Mother,

 

I hope this letter finds you well.  Yes, yes, I'm sorry I don't call as often as I should.  Yes, I know, she's the better child; I could only hope to be more like her.  No, I did not hear that my cousin got a new TV, that had not hit the streets yet way out here.  Oh really?  Well, that IS something.  Made of red peppers and olives, huh?  That sounds tasty.  Yes, I'll bet that was quite popular amongst your bridge group.

ahem.

Look, mom, I have something that I need to say, sorry to interrupt.  I don't know quite how to say it, so let me finish first.

I appreciate that technology is a wonderous thing.  Almost every facet of my life has been "technified", so to speak.  These days our pockets bulge with the gadgets we've adopted.  And I also do appreciate that you and dad did not grow up with these...without even electricity for that matter.  I know it has been a slow process but you have slowly started to pick up more and more things and I applaud that.  I also recognize that in the "arms race" between you and dad to figure out these machines, you are WAY ahead; bravo.  It's also great that you teach him things about the computer....yes, yes, I know "United we stand, divided we fall"  Great use of the quote, by the way.

But do you really think he's ready for all that technology?  The answer is a resounding "no".  He has made this apparent by his most recent discoveries: the Forward and the [ab]Use of Links.  You must have taught him that, but with this, you need to teach him responsibility.  Over the past week I have received seven emails from dad.  Three of them have no text and have attachments.  Two of the three attachments are Pro-Bush drivel.  The last one is this strange document about Indian independence that doesn't make much sense.  You really should start screening his emails and tell his friends to stop sending him this crap.  The other four emails are links to various sites.  Two concern Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War.  One was about modern philosophy.  And the last one was about Proust.  But they're weird sites, mom.  He really needs to learn to discern his sources.  Like this one for Abraham Lincoln....(why is he sending me that anyway?)....I think it's a joke, but I just can't be sure...it scares me that lincoln looks like he's having a stroke...and it makes me cry to think how long my dad took to 1) find this page 2) deem it sufficiently funny to email 3) figure out how to cut and paste the URL (though I have a sneaking suspicion a pen was involved in writing it down and retyping it).   Please help him.  Or destroy the computer.  I prefer the latter.  Good Luck with all that and thanks.  Good Night.