CO = Completely oblivious

So, I got out of work late yesterday and when I walked in the door of the house, one of my roommates was spralled out on the couch in his work clothes.   Trust me, it was friggin adorable.  "What the hell is that beeping noise?" I asked my groggy roommate.  "I dunno, somebodies pager or the battery in the fire detector" he said "I didn't want to deal with it so I just took a nap.  I am ridiculously tired tonight."  So, I went upstairs to change the battery in the smoke detector...but it wasn't beeping.  Sure enough, it was the fucking Carbon Monoxide (CO) detecter. 

Way to go, champ. 

Wedding Bellz

Alright Zach Braff, what is your problem?  I used to think, oh hey, that guy is kinda like me...except for those annoying bits.  Your quirky sense of humor, innocent charm, taste in music, stalkerish attitude toward Natalie Portman (ok, maybe that one was just mine).  You, too, are an alumnus of Northwestern University.  You, too, have perfected the "deer in the headlights" look (you have done that intentionally; I, not so much).  And [according to IMDB] you, too, like Lost and the Office. 

But, on further investigation, it seems, sir, that you are stealing from me.  Purloining my essence, if you will....well, I guess you already have.  Mandy, if you are reading this, (I know you are) I'm sorry things didn't work out between us.  Believe me, if I had known that making you sleep in the basement in the beanbag chair would have angered you, I wouldn't have done it*.  But I had "street cred" to keep up, yo; you can't get that back unless you shiv somebody.  And I thought you would've wanted to keep away from the paparazzi anyway. 

Instead, you chose Fame and Fortune and went with Braff.  Whatever.  Here's is your registry from Tiffany's [via theSuperficial].  It's cuteness makes me wanna puke.  Well, I will have you know that I was in Tiffany's not more than a week ago!  Again, your fiance continues to emulate me.  I spent a whole eight minutes in there.  And I will also tell the both of you, that I had all of the security in there personally follow me around the store until I left...do you get that kind of outstanding service?!?  I didn't think so, chumps.  Good luck, Manzach.

 

*may or may not have actually happened

 

 

Unrelated Links:

Wired article with a bunch of cool Flickr widget thingies; i know i've included all of them before, but now they're in one place.

 

2 Legite

Guess who has a blog?  No, no....I already know that I do, you're reading it.  Who else?  Yeah, you guessed it (giving you the benefit of the doubt).... MC Hammer.  Y'know, they used to call me MC hammer in high school.  Musta been the parachute pants, gold, and all that failure.

On a brighter note, Malcolm Gladwell has a well written blog, as well. 

 

-Top cameras used by flickr-ites

-Ben Franklin's 13 Virtues....where's the Tivo virtue?

-Who wants to make a room sized camera obscura?  I sure do.

-Free pancakes on National Pancake Day!  I don't know i'm more surprised about the free pancakes or about the fact that there's a national pancake day.

-RIP Don Knotts.  I didn't even know you were still alive.

-Remember that time when you were a kid when you wished that the Care Bears would appear riding a gum drop producing unicorn?  Yeah, this podcast is like that, but with ninjas and zombies ...

-Very cool little cup that tips as it's emptied...now you'll know when anyone is nearly empty...you OCD host.

-Supposedly an Animation from Aardman studios of Nina Simone's "My baby just cares for me".  [via screenhead]  I love...LOVE..Nina Simone and am so glad she is getting this resurgence; I was lucky enough to see her before she passed away.  Happy belated birthday.  I haven't seen the video because my stupid work blocks it and have been here all stupid weekend.  Blech.  Tell me how it is.

-giving cuteoverload.com a run for its money, Pugs in Hats group on flickr

Rock out with my Bock out

CIMG0108
Originally uploaded by puma3.

Alright, today is Bock Fest day here in Wisconsin. You see, the state activity here is drinking. No, no, it's not because of boredom...it's to make the shit we're doing that much more exciting. You know, like driving, hunting, ice fishing, etc. How do you think curling gained popularity? Anyway, a local brewery puts on Bock Fest on the day that their dopplebock is ready for shipment. And that shit is crazy strong. To celebrate it, they tap their supplies and have people at their outdoor biergarten. This is them last year. Yep, that's right, you're seeing correctly. Bagpipes, Odin, the Loch Ness Monster. Yeah, did I mention the dopplebock is strong? Anyway, the really "fun" part is the part where the owner throws microwaved herrings from the roof with prizes inside of them. People actually fight for that shit as they get fish matter all over them. It's disgusting. God bless alcoholics and Wisconsin.

Earworm

fer chrissakes...I cannot get "Fooled around and Fell in Love" out of my head...I have no idea when or where i heard it......it is slowly driving me insane...Elvin Bishop, you are dead to me.

You won't tell, right?

Hey B....you'll be pleased to know that I've been really good about not telling anyone about last night!  [No, not that part...you're filthy, by the way.]  The part where we couldn't find your keys while walking back to your car.....only to find them in the car....locked in.  That totally sucked, right?  Yeah, I think the worst part was how they were just taunting us....dangling there....from the ignition.....while your car was still running....for the past five hours [thank goodness we got gas, huh?] 

Way to go, champ. 

 

[don't tell anyone else, internet, okay?]

That's It, I'm getting one...

Have you ever been at work, wearing some dumb old tie, wishing that it could do something else?  Y'know, like make small-talk, bake cupcakes, solve integrals...or hold an mp3 player.  Yeah, me too.  Well, the folks at Thomas Pink have thought the same thing...except for the cupcakes/mathmatics/chatty parts....they won't return my calls regarding those functions.  It seems they have produced this nifty little nano holder tie.   I mean, sure you'd like like a complete dork listening to headphones coming out of your tie...but who are you trying to fool?  Embrace who you are.

 

Tu stultus es

You know how people start sentences with "You know how..." or "As you already know..."?  Yeah, I hate that....because more often than not I have no idea what the hell they are talking about.  It stresses me out.  I mean, do the other people know these things?  Is this something I should know?  Why is everyone nodding knowingly?  Where the hell did they hear that a giant squid can fit into a space 1/100th it's size?  And why am I hanging out with people that say "As you know, a giant squid can fit into a space 1/100th it's size."?  Where did my life go so wrong?  It must've been that day I used ketchup instead of spaghetti sauce on my pasta....

 

And you want to know another way to tell a doomed conversation?  If it starts out with the statement "Give it to me straight:  Will it make me gay if..."  It doesn't even matter what follows, it is already very clear that you are talking to a complete idiot.  Every second in that conversation is a second you coulda been playin minesweeper.  Just cut your losses and gouge your eyes out right in that first sentence, it usually shuts most people up....oh right, not this guy, I remember now, he's an idiot.  Right.  You're screwed.

 

[note of full disclosure: I suck at minesweeper.  it involves thinking....though I'm not sure....I suck at it, remember?  I just put that in so I would seem cool to all the minesweeper hipsters out there.  I heard they totally read this blog.] 

Big Fish

Bigger Fish
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Poor guy. Doesn't even notice the enormous fish that is creeping up on him to devour him. You gotta be on your toes at ALL times.
Yep, you guessed it, nothin good to write about. I think I owe you 8 cents for your wasted time. Sorry.

McDreamy?!?!

Doctor McDreamy.  McDREAMY?  That's what y'all are calling him, right?  Yeah, Patrick Dempsey.  I just saw Grey's anatomy last night for the first time.  Out of the four women in the apartment, they all agreed that he was "hot". Really?  Wasn't he in Porky's?  Well, shit, I still have a chance then.

stupid lynn.  stupid first lady. [24 inside joke]

Here's the lazy sunday video that i promised...oh, about three weeks ago....seriously funny.....BOO on you NBC for making youtube take theirs down...
Here's the goldfish video that I DO NOT CONDONE (and B if you try that with Puja, ralph, eldon, or toya...I will DESTROY you) but this video intrigues me cuz I dunno what the fuck is going on.  I talked about it with you B so here it is. Great use of the song (I own it, just can't remember what it is)

Love Lost

So, I spent the latter part of the weekend in Chicago. I was visiting a friend that I've known ever since she was born (I was two, but a very mature two). Anyway, we spent the evening buying cold remedies and watching Grey's Anatomy. The rest of the evening was filled with a conversation about relationships. Her current relationship is unfortunately in shambles and, though I love her, she over-analyzes things to DEATH. I spent the last several hours of the evening dodging questions about whether his avoidance of her on MSN messenger was due to his constant wi-fi connection or passive aggressiveness. I ended up feigning sleep. Love is a glorious thing.


On the topic of love, take this dating type test: I'm the boy next door. Fuck you. More my speed: zombie survival test...I fared much better, scored an 89%
Though growing tiresome, the Brokeback jokes continue with this humorous shopping list for the men of brokeback
Interesting photography as performance art from Li Wei
Awesome 3D painted rooms (creating a great 3D effect)
Oh my crap, record stone skipping video - 40 skips! Yeah, i'm easily excited.

Boo!

Get ready for it....I've been back for only an hour from a week of vacation in Naples, FL and Chicago and I'm already starting to bitch and/or moan....it's trouble....
For some reason, I've started this rather odd habit of shouting "boooo!" at my distaste at various things.  Yeah, I know I'm weird, I'm getting therapy....that is, if you consider gin "therapy".  I think it started in the airport after they kept announcing delays...and I've just kept doing it [count your blessings that you haven't been with me]...I'm callin' boooo on everything....better watchit

-Hey, Madison... What. The. Fuck.  I came from Naples where it was 85 degrees with a light breeze to -5 F temps.   Really, Madison?  Is that really how you wanna play it?  A fuckin chilly boo on you.
-United Airlines: you made me sit on the tarmac in Chicago for three hours for a twenty minute flight?  Awesome.  And your excuse at first was that your fuel tanks were unbalanced....and then 30 minutes later, the excuse was that the wrong one was topped off....then the excuse was that the truck that came was now of gas...Brilliant.  Hey, when did you hire the three stooges?  Boo on you, bitches.
-To the couple behind me on the plane:  Y'know what?  We're all stuck on the plane.  Y'know what else?  I, too, want to leave.  But repeatedly hitting the stewardess call button to air your irrational grievances is super fucking annoying (are you seriously complaining about the smell of airplane fuel, AGAIN?  Look, that's what we need to get the fuck off the ground, shut the fuck up).  And the stewardess apologized a million times and is on the verge of tears, leave her the fuck alone.   Boo on you big time.  And double boo on the wife for airing  waaay too much "dirty laundry" in public.  I'm embarrased for both of you.
-To the woman in front of me at Starbucks: Look, I don't know why they don't call it small/medium/large either, alright?  It's retarded and pretentious, I know.  But use some common sense at which size is which without looking at all of the cups and noting each of the ounces; a small coffee is a small coffee, asshat.  Boo on you.
-To my right eye: what is your problem?  Why gotta be all histrionic and shit?  Why can't you be like the left one?  I know you're all dominant and whatever, but really, do you have to get all irritated all the time?  Fuckin boo on you.
-To the Governor of Illinois:  So, why did you raise the tolls?  Oh yeah, for all that shitty construction.  Yeah, way to go, it's been five years of bullshit traffic cuz you can't finish what you started.  And right, you're out of money despite the toll increase, and you want to convert everything to iPASS so outsiders have a really hard time traveling in your state.  Fuckin xenophobic nazis, boo on you. 
-To the red hat old lady:  Look, I'm sorry I almost hit you....but with your oxygen tank and walker, you seriously were fucking up the parking lot Feng Shui....I had to squeeze by you and almost knock you over....where you may have broken a hip and died.  No, really, sorry.  Boo on me.
-To stupid presidents day: look, i just wanted to pick up a package from the Post Office...why the hell are you closed?  Oh right, presidents day.  I forgot to celebrate, later we'll be having Taft Taffies, Polk Pies, Truman Truffles, Pierce Pudding, Monroe Meringue, and Coolidge Cookies (we will no longer serve Clinton Custards...we read the ingredients list, that's gross dude).  A bittersweet-day-off boo on you. 

Boo on my computer skills cuz I still don't have a new page design. 

Thief

Hey all!  So, I'm stealing some wi-fi tonight....waiting for the feds to kick in the door....i was just tired of using a phone book....ugh, is it 1922 still?  later; hope you are all doing well

VACATION

Hey Y'All,  (apparently I'm already southern), I'm gonna be out of the blogging office for about a week or so.  I'm going on a much needed (though, prolly not deserved) vacation to Florida with my family.  Hopefully we won't kill eachother.  Have a good week.  I'll leave you with some links....go through them slowly and pretend that I've been keeping up by blog, 'kay?

slink:
-If you ain't vegetarian, you will be after you see this:  100 patty in n out burger...blech
-Katamari Damacy Songs translated, very nice.
-Interesting article about how actors remember their lines
-Things that Jack Bauer probably won't say....but he better lay off the sauce....
-A theory about lost...haven't read it yet...tell me if it's good.....[screenhead]
-Think you're a vegetarian?  Well, maybe not if you eat Dannon boysenberry or tropicana ruby red grapefruit...more blech.... beetles
-Crazy series of pictures of a fight between a bike messenger and an litterer....sometimes people drive me crazy....[from boingboing, i think]
-Changing Vinyl to digital.... recording records to MP3
-Looks pretty cool...a family bike....but I don't know if it's a good idea...and where are the helmets? [treehugger]
-interesting little blurb about Women for sustainable development in Southern India [treehugger]
-Funny law and order valentines
-What the hell Amazon? Since when do you sell Bonsai trees and Japanese saws...i gotsta get me some saws, yo. (from cooltools)
-Funny article from Kottke.org about comments made during the Spirderman movie, reminds me of some of my friends (yeah, I know, I don't gots any)
-Why do I like Natalie Portman?  Cuz she's hot and will fit in my mouth apparently.  [the superficial]  and looks like a ten year old boy in this picture
-The top ten hotties in D.C.; I would blow these folks away....guess I can never move there; related from Wonkette also:  Brad and Angelina (I refuse to type brangelina) buy property in D.C.....Haha, you can have them....when did the move out of Madison anyway....oh, right
-From boingboing: crazy old anatomy text
-Article by Nobel author JM Coetzee about the art/folly of translation
-Interesting read: Roadside homeless dream jobs
-A blog celebrating the history of the bicycle [treehugger]
-Make shoes that spell words with light....I gotta make these...[from Make]
-Yo, I gotta get my lady friend some of these....wholesomewear...happy fashion week! [bwe]
- Stretching before exercise apparently doesn't help at all...so HA, stop making fun of me...
-watch that uses mirrors and blacklight to have infinite time ....time....time...[boingboing]
-oh my crap....awesome "model" plane
-david lynch : crazy or genius?  who cares.
-I love 3M, article of the ecofriendliness of the company at treehugger
- Travel blogs article from NYT
-you like downtempo music? Yeah, me too.
-how to fold fitted sheets
-good how-to of web design [from waxy]

Alright, a bunch of links...mostly stuff I wanted to keep track of; cuz I know i'll prolly forget about all of them during this vacation....

ARRRRRRRRRRGH

WORST DAY EVAR!!

I cannot wait until this day ends....either when I go to sleep or drink some gin, whichever comes first.

Small Hands, Smells of Cabbage

Grrrrrr.  Okay, yeah, it was my fault.  I knew I couldn't carry both a cup of coffee and yogurt cup in one hand.  But why couldn't it have been the closed yogurt cup that decided to shoot out of my hand and slam into my chest?  Stupid coffee.  Now I have to lick my shirt and tie for caffeine.  And I hope that's spilled coffee warming my...ummm...crotchular region....otherwise, I need to go change.  This day is starting stupendously....

Living in Houses With Boys (starring Drew Barrymore)

By the time I realized it, it was too late....

It brushed against the back of my thighs....

I had to hold onto the windowsill to keep my balance....

I almost fell in...

I still feel dirty....ewwww....

 

I was a little groggy when going to the bathroom this morning....wasn't paying attention....decided to "drop some kids off".....didn't realize it fast enough....fuck...the seat was up.....and it touched bare skin....so gross.  The horror.  The peril of living with two other guys.  Ugh.  I can't ever be clean again. 

But, on the plus side, at least the seat was raised, for once.

Labrynth

What the hell is going on here?  I swear that I work in friggin "Labrynth".  Every day I come back to work, there's a new door somewhere and previous entrances have been walled in.  I expect to see David Bowie any second...

Cautionary Tale

So, if anyone asks you "You don't remember my name, do you?" the proper response is NEVER "It's funny you should ask that..."

SnP Theatre

Hola Cougarinos!  How is it going.  I took a short break from blogging over the weekend, it looks like that didn't break too many hearts.  This weekend I had to work during the mornings, so nothing too exciting happened.  I did come to realize that it is only possible for me to stay awake for 23 minutes maximum while reading work related items.  Is it possible to have both ADD (attention deficit disorder) and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)?  Man, it's tiring, I end up obsessing about fifteen projects all at the same time.

On Saturday evening, myself, J and B went to dinner.  I spent the entire time obsessing over whether the water was "reverse osmosis"...Yeah, I know, I'm the first to admit I'm a strange cat (by the way, the waitress said it wasn't; she was obviously wrong).  Then we went to the bar next door where B ordered the gin-niest dirty martini he had ever had.  The look on his face after every sip was priceless. 

Um...I'm not sure where the night turned....um...odd (perhaps it was at the declaration that it was "the coldest night ever in history"...at 27 degrees), but the next place we went to, we decided we needed to entertain ourselves.  Thus, the idea of Salt n Pepper Theatre was born.  For the next several hours, we would re-enact scenes from a movie using the table shakers, while the other had to guess the movie.  Look, I know it sounds stupid...but actually, it was probably the most fun I had this weekend.  B was particularly proud of his renditions of "9 1/2 weeks" and "Brokeback Mountain".  But, we decided to stop playing as soon as the skanks arrived....

Napoli

crazy phoenix
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Hey check this out! Great timing New York Times, because I'm going to Naples next week! And I think you better check on your photographer, since he is probably dead now. You see, that thing that the bird is doing in the picture (to the left) and also in your article's picture is the thing they like to do before they DESTROY you.

Flee while ye can...

Dear Mr. Tumnus, the president of our country is after you and your kind.  Animal-human hybrids will not be allowed.  He is saving us from centaurs, satyrs, and Manimal.  And also Wolf Blitzer....and especially Bobcat Goldwaith.  He apparently is tapping the phone of 10 year old boys.

King of Comedy

Last night I went out to a bar...and boy was I surly.  I was just pissed at the world for some reason.  I'm not sure why I even went out, really.  Anyway, the guys next to us at the bar were talking loudly the entire night, so I couldn't help but hear the idiotic crap that would flow from their mouths.  One of the guys sat there for two hours expounding about the "art of comedy" talking about all of the nuances, etc.  He was a complete moron.  Apparently, he's supposed to get street cred because he did a comedy workshop in the 80's with Hal Sparks (talk soup fame, now seen on I love the 80's occasionally; also with scary eyebrows).  Hal Friggin Sparks.  Sorry if you're reading this Hal, but that's like claiming to be a King of Comedy because you did blow with Pauly Shore and Judy Tenuda.  This guy just infuriated me.  He complained that he hasn't become famous because he has a "...thinking man's act.  So [he's] on the next joke by the time they get [the previous one one]..."  I think  you haven't become famous because you're a jackass and you're not funny; but hey, that's just me talkin here.  Ugh, fuckin idiot.  He actually used the phrase "My act is like Mental Judo."  Fucking awesome, I am SO gonna use that from now on.

 

Lynksys:

-Creepy yet cool old anatomical/medical drawings at this site from the NIH. [boing boing]

-Very cool composite photo of folks playing in the snow....very cool for some reason, I can't figure out how they did it so cleanly. [ kottke.org]

-Rectal exam simulator...when you just don't have any volunteers...and any other limb or part can be gotten here

-Panda porn: "are you gonna back it up or should I push up on it?" (50 cent).   Sorry about this one, better judgement was left at home.  I believe that's the reverse cowgirl.  Sorta NSFW. [boingboing]

-How do you peel your banana?  Monkeys do it from the bottom....I now do, too; does that mean I'm regressing?  Awesome.  This article is an economists approach.

-Bed Ground effects.  When you absolutely gotta pimp your bed. [gizmodo]

-Damn you hollywood.  So, I know this sounds ridiculous...but my favorite bottled water is Fiji water...it tastes clean....I feel dirty that I have a preference for bottled water....but as this article shows (3/4 down the page), apparently Fiji is going off the shelves at sundance while the rest collect dust.  Why do you have to ruin everything, Hollywood?

-Jodie Sweetin (Full House's "Stephanie", and our in house "Scarlett Johannssen" lookalike (Just look at her face!)) is apparently a meth addict

 

Alright, enough links, more tomorrow perhaps.

 

 

 

Yup, rilly.

My exculpation.  Yes, I really think that the good governor is the scariest thing about last night....don't believe me?  Check it.  And here (it even absorbs all the light!).  And what do you mean about the wiretapping?  It's what needs to be done to preserve our freedom [except for those being tortured illegally or perhaps those illegally detained] and safety [except for the soldiers abroad, sorry!].  Warantless eavesdropping seems like a logical solution; I mean, why should we be bogged down by stupid things like "Laws", "our judicial branch", "civil liberties", and that old rag "The Constitution".  As Benjamin Franklin once said "They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security".....oh wait, no, that's a poor choice in quotes.  Meh, what did Ben Franklin know anyway?  He electrocuted hisself with a kite!  Idiot forefather. 
I gotta go find that electric tie rack...