Alright Zach Braff, what is your problem? I used to think, oh hey, that guy is kinda like me...except for those annoying bits. Your quirky sense of humor, innocent charm, taste in music, stalkerish attitude toward Natalie Portman (ok, maybe that one was just mine). You, too, are an alumnus of Northwestern University. You, too, have perfected the "deer in the headlights" look (you have done that intentionally; I, not so much). And [according to IMDB] you, too, like Lost and the Office.
But, on further investigation, it seems, sir, that you are stealing from me. Purloining my essence, if you will....well, I guess you already have. Mandy, if you are reading this, (I know you are) I'm sorry things didn't work out between us. Believe me, if I had known that making you sleep in the basement in the beanbag chair would have angered you, I wouldn't have done it*. But I had "street cred" to keep up, yo; you can't get that back unless you shiv somebody. And I thought you would've wanted to keep away from the paparazzi anyway.
Instead, you chose Fame and Fortune and went with Braff. Whatever. Here's is your registry from Tiffany's [via theSuperficial]. It's cuteness makes me wanna puke. Well, I will have you know that I was in Tiffany's not more than a week ago! Again, your fiance continues to emulate me. I spent a whole eight minutes in there. And I will also tell the both of you, that I had all of the security in there personally follow me around the store until I left...do you get that kind of outstanding service?!? I didn't think so, chumps. Good luck, Manzach.
*may or may not have actually happened
Unrelated Links:
Wired article with a bunch of cool Flickr widget thingies; i know i've included all of them before, but now they're in one place.
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