You know how people start sentences with "You know how..." or "As you already know..."? Yeah, I hate that....because more often than not I have no idea what the hell they are talking about. It stresses me out. I mean, do the other people know these things? Is this something I should know? Why is everyone nodding knowingly? Where the hell did they hear that a giant squid can fit into a space 1/100th it's size? And why am I hanging out with people that say "As you know, a giant squid can fit into a space 1/100th it's size."? Where did my life go so wrong? It must've been that day I used ketchup instead of spaghetti sauce on my pasta....
And you want to know another way to tell a doomed conversation? If it starts out with the statement "Give it to me straight: Will it make me gay if..." It doesn't even matter what follows, it is already very clear that you are talking to a complete idiot. Every second in that conversation is a second you coulda been playin minesweeper. Just cut your losses and gouge your eyes out right in that first sentence, it usually shuts most people up....oh right, not this guy, I remember now, he's an idiot. Right. You're screwed.
[note of full disclosure: I suck at minesweeper. it involves thinking....though I'm not sure....I suck at it, remember? I just put that in so I would seem cool to all the minesweeper hipsters out there. I heard they totally read this blog.]
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