Now You're Screwed

DAMNIT!!! I get out of work after a long shift, can barely think straight, actually hit the gate at the bottom of the parking garage, but make it out without damage. I'm driving home, euphoric from being off of work.....AND THEN THE FUCKING HAIL COMES. mthrfckr. What the hell is that?!?!? I can't see anything with pouring rain and am doing my darndest to keep my bowels from evacuating. Everyone is driving around like morons because they prolly think it's armageddon....and they're prolly right. But I finally make it home and turn on the TV, apparently all of these storm systems are funneling through town. So, as i sit watching the crappy ass local weather guy stumble over his words during his time to shine; there are golf ball sized hailstones pounding my back window and skylights.
"Move to the basement...." he says.
"But what if you live in a shitty ass apartment complex?" I ponder
"If you don't have a basement, move to the center of your home or apartment..."
"Ummm, do you mean right under the skylights that are being pummeled by hailstones?.....well, okay, you are the professional..."
"And if you are living in a trailer or mobile home....it's probably too late....wrap yourself in a blanket to protect yourself from flying debris...."

DID THAT GUY JUST SAY WHAT I THOUGHT HE SAID? In other words: "Hi! To the folks that can't afford a real house, your poor ass is fucked, so might as well go out completely humiliated with a ratty ass, piss stained blanket over your head, fuckers." So much for professional, dude.

And that's what really hurts

I apparently have had a predilection for Radiohead songs as the titles to posts (this is the second); for some reason it's the first thing that pops into my head sometimes. I'm at work again, essentially doing double duty because of a favor I did for somebody. And every time I start to get pissed that I'm here, the song "just" from Radiohead pops into my head with the lyric "You do it to yourself/ you do/ And that’s what really hurts"....fuck you Thom Yorke-in-my-head.

Okay, so today has been a fairly productive day. For weeks to months, I've been procrastinating major life maintenance, but no more! Today I made appointments for a whole slew of things.

My car will soon be singing a new tune as it will get serviced in the next week...and none too soon since a new indicator light appeared this afternoon. I think it's the brakes....ummm, I may need those at some point, but they are prolly totally overrated.

I also made an eye appointment since the contacts they sold me make my eyes burn like fire and explode, which is a feature that I didn't want in my lenses this time...i know, i know, I'm such a prima donna.

What else? Oh yeah, I totally had to beg for an extension on my lease. Those jerks in the office weren't going to give it to me just to be assholes. And I hate lying, but I figure it was a semi-emergent situation, so I improvised. I told them that I was sorry about having to ask for it but my company initially was going to make me redundant but instead are transferring me ("Thank God" I said). (I also used the term "redundant" which I stole from "The Office" and figured that would keep them on their toes) I was going to tell them that my Fiance would have to stay here in Madison but thought that would be too much...and they would KNOW I was lying since they see how I live. I think the woman taking the message in the rental office felt bad and said she would talk to her manager.
Ten bucks says they still refuse...jerks....then I'll go to the media. Can't you just see the headlines? "Hard working man thrown into the mean streets of madison after getting transferred, losing his Fiance, and his dog dying" Yeah, I know that would be a really long headline [with lazy capitalization], but it would be a huge story since all other news would not matter anymore. The only problem is that I'd have to get a job first, then get transferred; get a fiance, then lose her (second part is easy, first part is hard); and get a dog and have it snuffed out (peta would kill me). Fuck it, I'll sleep at work or something.

OH YEAH!!! The best part of today was being told that the jerks that robbed me plead (pleaded?) guilty!!! Which means I don't have to testify against them. Which means i'm going to panama instead of the court!!! Now that's good news.


I don't know if I posted about Clocky previously but i definitely need this....especially since I fell asleep on my weight bench FOR AN HOUR last night.

I adore good photography, and Loretta Lux's photography is just amazing, it has this eery quality to it with a mix of photography and painting.

I procrastinate....alot...and i'm very good at it....this will hopefully change things; so put down what you're doing and go and read this.

I love gadgets, and this clock is going to be my newest I think.

I also adore my moleskin, but this brand of notebook is just as intriguing....to the longshoreman on your christmas list I guess.

Brut

Good morning! Well, close enough, right? Today was a long ass day at work and I dread going back tomorrow. I feel gross right now and I should go to the gym but i can barely form a sentence....the drooling may get me kicked out. Now I'm sitting half in the dark eating carrot cake, i need to get back to sleep.....i'm living the dream. (holy crap...you guys are totally thinking that I should be working on my project, aren't you? I KNOW damnit) And I think my socks smell and my teeth are furry....gross. (hmmm, mental note, maybe i shouldn't write when I'm incoherent and have lost my filter). AND MOTHERFUCKER, I FORGOT MY DOP KIT AT WORK. Good Night.

Semaphore

An Open Letter to the woman with the flags:

Happy Easter, and greetings! I send my humblest apology after our encounter this morning. However, I have drafted this letter to explain my side of the story; and by the end, I think we will both agree that I am in the right.

When I first met you, I just caught a glimpse of you out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't tell if it was the twinkle in your eye, your beautiful pink blouse, or those glorious orange banners in your hands that caught my attention. Your wisened face turned toward me, each wrinkle representing another year of insight...eras of experience in your countenance with the rays of the rising sun outlining each in golden light. I tipped my head to you, in deference to your age and poise; if you could have heard me, I would have said "Glorious Morning, isn't it, Maam?" with the grandest of smiles. This moment belonged to us.

Then, with the deftest of motions, your left foot shot forward, your eyes fixed straight ahead of you now. You stepped right into the road...my road....as I crossed adroitly in front of you in my humble car (obeying the speed limit and noting no crosswalk, mind you!). And as I passed, I glanced over to you hoping to see that same glimmer that caught my eye before. But all I could see was the curling down of the corners of your mouth. I could not hear what words passed your lips, since Talib Kweli sung his sweet song loudly in my ears, but the motions were obvious. For shame, madam, on this Easter Morning (the holiest of Days on the Christian Calendar*) I was subjected to the foulest of language that I have heretofore never heard cross a proper lady's lips. I am sorry for our misunderstanding, and hope our next meeting is under better circumstances.
(P.S.: The aforementioned Orange Crossing Flags are to be used only in sanctioned crosswalks, they do NOT make you invincible. Be warned: You WILL get your ass broke.)

(*note: some may argue that Christmas, the birth of Christ, is the holiest day of the Christian year....however, surely you must admit that coming back from death is a feat more stupendous that being born. Granted, being born from a virgin definitely is something very special....but, really, how many times in the history of the world has that story been told by unwed mothers-to-be? Okay, okay....don't get pissed, just joking...I already know I'm going to hell)

Disgrace

Pshew, today is a busy day at work. I figure I'll take a twenty minute break before I jump back into the fray. It seems that everybody is trying to get out of doing their job today because of the unstoppable desire to wear ugly ass pastel clothes and eat ugly ass pastel candies with their ugly ass pastel kids. Harsh. By the way, Happy Easter to all those who celebrate it.

So....I've been caught....I never thought I would, but I did. I feel so bad about it, it makes me feel dirty. Really, I cannot begin to explain how awful my decisions have been. I didn't want anyone to get hurt, but sadly, as always with these situations, somebody I care for did get hurt. I know it was lazy and it was the easy thing to do and I'm so very sorry. But now she won't...nay, CAN'T...ever trust me again. But it only happened once...and I wasn't thinking clearly....and I'm pretty sure alcohol was involved. I mean, I can't be expected to be a saint at all times, right? How was I to know it would get back to her? She was so far away and I thought that, in the long run, it would make things better. But instead it made both of us feel cheap. I've never, EVER done anything like this before; I'm really not like that....really. It's so shameful.

I mean, how was I to know that she would hear the Movie soundtrack that I stole two songs from for a recent mix cd I made for her?!?!? It's so lazy and I just feel awful.

Ap-petite

Hmmm...how else could I waste time? Links you say? Well, links it is....

Toys Gone Wild: Get a room funboys. (click on the tigger wmv at the bottom)

Now really, did nobody see how wrong this is?!?!? Link sponsored by NAMBLA (ok, so this is the second NAMBLA reference....i'm going to hell)

I love harmless pranks: Like this one at a fruit and plant market

and this more high profile prank in NYCs museums.

or this one that relabels homeland security diagrams.
Okay, time to go...i need a shower badly.

For Good Measure

Alright, look, I know I should be working...i'm taking an hour to download articles and it's taking forever, so i'm intermittently playing with my blog.....what? I am NOT being defensive. Get off my back, alright; i'm multitasking. And I only played 10 minutes of Katamari Damacy....talk about self control! Man, I need to initiate D.O.W. (Directly Observed Working) or I'm not going to get anything done.

My parents are travelling in Australia right now. Unfortunately, they both were sick on arrival (SARS anyone?). Apparently my mom was so sick that they almost booked a flight back. Yikes, scary. They're both doing much better now, thank goodness, and are having a pretty good time. It seems that it rained for several days when they were in Sydney, my dad blamed me since I tend to bring the rain wherever I go on vacation. Thanks Dad. My dad just called but apparently my mom was too kranky to talk to me....what the hell did I do now? Great. Thanks Mom.

I hope I don't bring the rain to Panama next month...crap, i have to make sure i'm not going to be subpoenaed for that week....someone remind me to call the DA this week. The group that may be going with Me and S were emailing back and forth yesterday. One of them was sending out suggestions including visiting Isla Coiba....and about 30 minutes later he sends another message as follows:
" Um...I just discovered that Isla Coiba is in fact a penal colony, andthat you need authorization from the Directorate of Penal Correction toget there. Uh... my bad. I think that officially ranks as the worst travel suggestion of all time."
Way to go, K.

Cool aquarium book I don't want to forget about.

Springtime In Wisconsin

We Todd Did

Yay! I figured out how to put pictures up again! Yes, I know i'm moderately retarded. And yes, I know I should be working on my project. Jerk.
Damn internet.

Electronic Compilation

Operation Slideshow - T minus 17 days

Alright, I have seventeen days to finish this big project i'm working on....errrr....should be working on.....right now....because i'm including today in that day count.....and so if i blow tonight.....that makes sixteen days.....then tomorrow night i'll be paralyzed by fear and worry....down to fifteen days....then i'm on call....that'll eat two days.....fourteen, thirteen....tick tock motherfucker.....shit, i need a drink.

Dazed

I barely slept last night so this morning I am seriously dragging ass. And, to make matters much worse, my ill fitting underwear is riding up like Sitting Bull up Dodge Ridge (I know that's not culturally aware of me, however, if you were here, you would see that it EXACTLY fits the circumstances). Why I don't throw these guys out, I have no idea.
Anyway, today everyone is up in arms about the Terry Schiavo bizness. Everyone at work is prattling on and on about it. One loud mouth woman had this huge audience and I just happened to be sitting doing work amongst them. "Blah blah blah" she said [Ed note: summarized for the readers benefit] then she turns to me and asks "What's the name of that child protection agency thingy?" and I quickly reply "NAMBLA, I think"; so she goes on loudly to this whole group "Yeah, so they should get NAMBLA involved because it's not right what the parents are doing to her. NAMBLA would throw them in jail!!".....What?!?! I think it's funny. Actually, I couldn't stop laughing and had to leave...but nobody else got my little stupid joke. I crack my own shit up. Need sleep. But first, i'm going to go listen to the great new spanish guitar hold music for a while. I truly am living the dream. Later.

Paranoid Android

Yawn....man, am I tired. I had kind of a crap day today but whatever, it's done now. I've effectively spent the rest of the evening fucking around. My time management skills completely blow. For example, I SHOULD be reading my three inch stack of papers for work; however I actually AM writing a trite blog entry just so I don't have a six week gap in my blog entries. FOR WHAT REASON, I DON'T KNOW. Alright, my eyes are burning again....i think that's bad....later.

Swimming with Sharks

Um....it's a commercial break right now so I have a few seconds to chat. Yeah, so I reeaaalllly don't want to work on my project....and my ipod battery is dead......I'm in between Netflix movies...I only have one TV channel....and tonight they're showing Spring Break: SHARK ATTACK!!! (yes, three exclamation points). What's going to happen when the drunk, tanned, and oiled spring breakers clash with the [poor, misunderstood] sharks? Ooh, I can only imagine, it's sooo exciting. Teach those spring breakers a lesson, chompy. Oh no, Danielle is stuck on a buoy surrounded by sharks....gotta go.

Crapulence

Well, Spring has Sprung....yep, cold as shit but the jackass on the tele says it's spring....and who am i to argue with cosmetology.....astrology?....erm, meteorotologomony....whatever, it's all fake anyway. So, yeah, last night I went out with one of my mates to this electronic club. (what the hell? tele?....mates?.....clubbing? when did I become all british? damn colonialism) Actually, the place was very low key and i really like it.

Unfortunately, i had too good of a time last night.....too much gin and too much whiskey. I remember the g and t's, then the sours.....and then came the shots.....ugh, bad choices made all around. On the positive side, I also remember seeing one of the parking attendants last night and was able to apologize for previous improprieties [which we will henceforth not speak of][okay, maybe once more].

I felt well yesterday and even this morning, however mid morning I'm pretty sure i was hit in the face with a ball-peen hammer. I keep forgetting that I'm not twenty anymore....my body hates me....and rightfully it should.

Irreversible

So, it's very rare...very rare....that I'm ever shocked by anything. And as far as films go, I have never before last night turned my eyes away from a movie. I remember seeing "Boys Don't Cry" and sitting at the edge of my seat; but it was suspense, not shock.

Last night, I'll admit, I was somewhat alarmed by a french movie called "Irreversible". I'll try not to spoil it, but it's a movie filmed backwards (with the end at the beginning...yeah, yeah, you get the picture, I know). And you spend the initial half of the movie wondering what's going on, and the last half learning about the characters. It's an interesting movie to say the least, but there are two scenes in particular that I turned away from. Way to go, it's hard to do. However, there are problems. Like when we get halfway through, you've already gone through such a catharsis, that I didn't even want learn about how the characters were so wonderful before all of the mess. Yeah, perhaps that's the point. And, [**spoiler**] the most evil character in the movie gets away with it [again probably the point of it]. ugh, totally unsatisfied; the story of my life. I could blab on and on, but I won't. Later.

Unicornocopia

Hello! I spent most of my evening at work last night perusing the bloggie winners and a bunch of other blogs, since I really didn't want to do any actual work. That is beginning to be a new trend for me, it seems. However, I did learn some crucial things about blogging:
1) Rambling prose does very well (check! Boy, do I have that in spades!)
2) Pictures make things more interesting, especially if you can't write (I can do that! I have no problem taking pictures of utter crap!)
3) Take a bunch of pictures of adorable pets and then write stories about how they always poop in everything (hmmm, that one's going to be tougher...)
4) Have a baby and take pictures of them...and then write stories about how they always poop in everything (dang, that's going to be tougher.....hmmm....where's that black market when you need it?)
[To Do: 1) Find a lady (harder than it looks...no, no...I said LADY; well, fine, you'll do), 2) make baby (don't remember how to do that), 3) gestate baby (i think you can use shoe boxes), 4) birth baby (hey, i can do that) , 5) take pictures of said baby (yep, got a restraining order for that already....joking), 6) win bloggie next year (yo, dawg, wid dis formula, I can't lose), 7) move to Zimbabwe to bask in the glory of the win (they love bloggers there, they wanna change the name to Zimblogwe; i'd be loved like Jerry Lewis is in France, or like Judy Garland is loved by...um...French people, also).
.....yeah, I love it when a plan comes together.
The world is mine. Oops, gotta go empty the dryer first. Later.

Beware the Ides of March...

The Ides of March = the day that Caesar was killed (44 B.C.). (I feel like I need some useful factoid to make up for all the useless and recently licentious entries.)

Man, was I grumpy today. There are some days that I cannot even muster up the energy to act nice to folks. And there are other days that it seems to take every iota of restraint not to go apeshit on everything i see. [editor's note: you're beginning to sound crazy, perhaps lose this section in the final draft][writer's note: i heard that if i don't sound edgy and dangerous, i won't get laid, right? isn't that the whole point of the blogging? To get laid like crazy?][editor's note:yeah...you keep thinkin that, genius...]

I gotta bunch of work I need to do and my eyes are burning from fatigue (and all that mace...but mostly the fatigue). Maybe I'll drop a few more linkzs (some "bloggy" winners): www.dooce.com, a pretty darn funny blog that i only just started to read recently (just won best american blog of the year by the bloggies; congrats!). Also, www.loobylu.com has great drawings and projects, very good design despite the modesty. And one for any engineers that may be reading this....ahem....it's a cool cooking site www.cookingforengineers.com. Okay, gotta go. Maybe more tonight, maybe not.

clean sheets

Shouldn't I be asleep right now? Yep, i really should, big day tomorrow. However, I cannot, for reasons which I will expound on mercilessly right now.
Though I have lived in this apartment for three years and am ready to move, there has been very little interaction that I've had with my neighbors. Sure there may be an occasional sound randomly, or a stereo slightly loud, but i've always figured it was I that was the "annoying neighbor".
Tonight, however, is something new....something that at least got me out of bed to fire up the ol' computer: They're fucking....and loudly...and [gag] clumsily. I've never met them, though i'm sure i've avoided eye contact with them on several occasions.
Trying to get to sleep tonight, i hate to say it, but i was fairly aroused by hearing her gasps and moans and occasional hushed "yes"es barely muffled through the wall. It's voyeurism, sure; but hell, i live alone and i'm a single guy...it's like free porn....i mean cut me some slack, I don't even have cable (and my only channel, CBS, had this ridiculous movie tonight about parkinson's disease starring Madeleine Stowe (i think)...just horrendous...i still watched twenty five minutes of it). I mean, I don't get much "action", but at least somebody should, right?
WRONG.
...and they're getting worse....what was once [seven minutes ago] exciting and erotic (i don't think i've ever typed that word...prolly for good reason) has turned into a carnival of horrors....harsh you say? well, you're not here, are you? She's getting progressively louder....and more aggressive....every thrust is now punctuated by an "oh yeah!" with an occasional "oh my god!" and "like that!"...and, to my surprise and slight dismay...it's gotten a little smuttier with a single, out of breath "fuck it like that!"...what "it" is, only my imagination can torture me with.
However, what prompted me to get out of bed, and what is making this much less exciting for me is...him. I could not hear him until just recently but he will not be outdone. He grunts, and snorts, and his favorite words (to my knowledge) are "hhunghhh" and "hahroo". And in between her gasps, his grunts, and the sound of something large falling out of bed, i've also heard a few "owws" and a single "not there!" They're starting to really bug me.
And, to be honest, their stamina is amazing. It wears me out.
goodnight.

DANGEROUS men working behind this door....

Or so says the sign in the stairwell. But did they mean that the situation was dangerous or is it the men themselves that are dangerous? Alas, it is the punctuation that would solve this....save us once again, oh, Grammarians! Yeah, but then they would for sure draw and quarter me for my flagrant disregard for proper sentence structure, absolute abuse of the semicolon; and pre-occupation with parenthesis and "...". Strunk and/or White are rolling in their grave (or their respective graves, if they were buried separately) (I am also assuming that they are dead).
I'm stuck here on call once again; however, this is not as bad a call as our usual ones, so it's not so bad. I met someone today that I'm sad to say may have accidently purchased "Oderant" instead of "DE-oderant" from their local pharmacy or apteek. It's a common mistake but one that can be avoided. I wanted to inform him that deoderant has not only become fairly safe, but effective and affordable as well. Though, I'm one to talk, since my feet reek right now after being in these shoes for over 14 hours walking around all day...and unfortunately, trying my best, I can only get them about five feet, seven inches away from my nose....okay, actually, a little closer than that... since my nose is no longer on the top of my head.

D-Day

It has been a long weekend since I've blabbed into my computer. I've been a little jittery the past few days since the decision on where I'll be for the next few years was today. Though I was slightly hoping to lop off a year of training, I'm happy to report that I'll be right here for a while. Actually, I'm not even upset about not getting the spot, since the alternative is equally good....i think it's just that I want to be wanted, damnit. enough.
Though, in my nervousness this weekend, I was not COMPLETELY useless; I was able to complete several new compilations. Okay.....so I made a hugely pathologic number of compilations....but i think it's therapeutic for me. I get to think about my music [purchased, not played...get off my back] and my pictures....yeah, fine, i went overboard. (TWO destination mixes (songs about places), TWO Broken Comps (sad or depressing songs), a Violence comp. (mostly rap), One XXX mix, One Groove mix, One electronic mix, One rage mix) But I don't think I re-used [m]any songs that I've previously used in previous compilations. Blah, Blah, Blah. (at least i didn't prattle on about my idea of the "who, what, when, where" series (the destination comps are part of it))
I'm also thinking about moving for next year to a better place. Though, I think it's going to cost me bank, I don't care, i'm going to do it. Then maybe I'll buy? (who knows, I don't have the money now...and blowing it next year on rent doesn't seem so wise.....but now i know i'll be here for a while, might as well dig in my heels). What's that you say? Wouldn't it be smarted to buy now, you ask? Ummm....how did you get this web address?.....i'm pretty sure you wanted to go to this web site. (yeah, kinda creepy, must be religious). And if you continue to have that attitude problem, you're not welcome back.
Okay, gotta go do all the work that I shoulda done over the weekend. Later.

A liquid cure for the Winter Blues

Man, I am not getting the hang of this html bizness; no matter how i try to change the font or color, i still only get 30% efficacy....it's worse than a crapshoot. fuggit. Well, nothing is as good as a well made gin and tonic....except a cigarrette and a gin and tonic....wait....am i sounding like an alcoholic? no, i don't have a problem, but my friends always annoy me about it, I know I should cut down; yeah, I DO feel guilty, sure....but man, when that eye opener eases its way down...pure serenity. HAHAHA making fun of people [not me]with terrible problems is HIGH comedy. [and about the drink...sure, it takes no imagination...sure, it's ordered by every meatball that wants to look more sophisticated than beer...and sure it's only slightly less emasculating than ordering a cosmo (which is a fine drink as well)....but it tastes darn good...and the reason i drink it is because it protects me from malaria...and sobriety] [...oh shoot, i sound like an alcoholic again...dang]

Oh yeah, the point, I spent most of my day waiting in line for tickets for the Wisconsin film festival. Four hours....FOUR HOURS....for these damn tickets....shit better be good. I'll blab on and on about it tomorrow but i'm too sleepy now. I tried to start this entry while waiting in line, but the guy next to me in line kept reading over my shoulder....and not discreetly...there was nothing discreet about this fella; more later. (yeah, yeah, i know it's only for me, but i like to pretend...just like my radio show in college)

New Lynxzs:
--I love it when a plan comes together...and i love craigslist, though i don't live in a city that has it...dang, no lewd personals or body fluid stained couches for me. If I had craigslist here, this shit would not happen (it's so cute it makes me ache).
--Truth in advertising...i wish all movies had this kind of honesty on their packaging.
--comics from the guys that i think wrote "get your war on"; regardless, these are stupid but really funny.
--I like graffiti....i know it ruins buildings and property, but most of the architecture is crap anyway and really good graffiti should be considered art....such as this piece.....of a dog fucking R2D2.

The incredible but true adventures of two lesbians in love...

Okay, so the title is misleading, but it did get your attention, right? Oh wait, it's only me that's reading this....yep, consider my attention gotten. I just got home from work....well, let me rephrase that....I left work a while ago, picked up a friend (squared) at the airport, ate great himalayan food, and went to have drinks in my favorite restaurant for the past several hours. So, recap: tonight was fun. However, i have not had ample time to peruse the film festival schedule so i can pick the perfect movies tomorrow....Life is so hard, isn't it? Why are those people in the Sudan complaining, they're just hungry....I have all of these complex decisions to make....my life is soooo unendurable.....

Narcissus

This blog is completely narcissistic....there, i've said it. Let's move on.
So, I'm having post presentation euphoria...however, short call has eaten most of my night and i am tirrrred. So, instead of babbling on and on half asleep, i'll just throw up a couple of links, mostly for my own reminder/edification. Later.

I love old photography. It feels exciting, like we're sneaking a peak at a time we shouldn't see. Some of these shots are amazing and these are some of the first color photographs ever (from French photographers during the Great War). This other series is from Gotham around the turn of the century, also very interesting.

Equally beautiful is this blog, written by a tailor in London; it's just amazing that the internet allows us to see how people live anywhere else.

Mostly for me: colorpicker: You have to remind me where this is.

funny site that let's you put in any word and makes up a slang meaning for it....brilliant. http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slang

I like the idea of this project, the manifesto is a little heavy-handed, but anyway: http://www.kids-with-cameras.org/home/

Hey, I enjoy a good prank, especially when it involves tolls....just you wait, Illinois tolls... [note: about pranks....remember, if you play with fire....]
http://www.zug.com/pranks/turnpike/

this street art is great: http://www.woostercollective.com/2005/02/banksy-hits-brighton.html

An Open Letter....

To the guy or gal that decided I didn't want my free i-Tunes song from my bottle of Mt Dew: Thank you so much for deciding to take the bottle cap off of my Mt Dew. No, no, I wanted to finish it all at one sitting, thank you. And to think that I was also blessed with your sensual fingers all over the part that I put my lips... again, thanks. Oh, did you lose your own bottle cap? Was it because you fashioned your cap into a Macgyver style contraption to save the vision of (cute) Portuguese orphans? Dude, I totally thought so, way to go! .....Oh, hey, and to your surprise, it was a winning bottle! Wow, congrats, a free song! You just happened to pick the right cap to take, lucky duck! No, no I listen to total crap, it would be totally wasted on me. Yeah, that would be so rad if you got that new Ashlee Simpson track....I heard it's totally HOT. (i was going to say "lindsay lohan track"...but can't make fun of her, yo, she fine) Yeah, dawg, i hear that Good Charlotte shtuff is bangin', I've been into them since like January. You totally are a music God[ess]. Enjoy that. Fucker.