Aftermath

Waking up to a mess
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Ugh...sticky floors, glitter, strewn costumes, empty bottles and cups...and that's just the bathroom. Our party last night was actually fairly successful. A small bonfire and then back up to the house for libations. There were a bunch of people here, I have no idea how many [pics here and here]. Nothing too crazy, it ended waaay to early for my taste but it was pretty fun. And my roommates and I got to make fools of ourselves in front of all of our friends.

Glitter

Aright....so who brought the fucking glitter to the halloween party?....glitter on the floor, glitter on the counter, glitter in the bathroom, and glitter on my comforter [yup, and I had no part in it]. Leave it home, tinkerbell.

Got Game

I always go in these little spurts (no, no, not that kind; keep it clean) of getting really into video games.  To my chagrin, my roommate decided to plug in the playstation...I didn't resist, mind you.  Luckily, I've been too busy to play, but it has gotten me to start thinking about gaming again.  In thinking of my favorite games, my two favorites are Katamari Damacy and Ico.  Both of them aren't standard video game formats and perhaps that's why I like them so much.  The developers of Ico did a really great job of making a simple game but one that captures your attention.  I remember actually gasping and standing bolt upright during several parts of Ico (I totally won't mention the time when I got all teary-eyed during the game, that would be so lame if people knew).  In investigating these games today, I realized that the makers of Ico are developing a new game called Shadow of the Colossus with a great review in Wired this month.  It's strange, I'm thirty years old and yet video games still seem to capture my attention.  Yeah, I'm living the dream.

Whatever happened to those charmin commercials where kids would pad themselves with the toilet paper?

I have ADD.

Tapeworm

Inventory of the Items I have ingested this morning [and I'm still hungry]:

1) Banana (ooh, surprisingly good start)

2) Reese's peanut butter cup [small] x1 (you knew "healthy" couldn't last long, right?)

3) Nutri-grain bar -Raspberry x1 [when did I buy this?]

4) String Cheese Stick x1 [i'm in wisconsin, yo]

5) Handful of roasted, unsalted peanuts

6) One half Pumpkin flavored Krispy Kreme Donut

7) Diet Mt. Dew [blech] - 20 ounce x 1

8) Coffee-black- approx 9 ounces x 2

9) Yogurt - Dannon - Boysenberry x 1

10)  Snicker's Marathon Bar x1 [meant to be an afternoon snack]

11) Hershey's Kisses - milk chocolate x 2 [again, damn you candy companies]

12) Grapes - green x 7

13) Grape stem [small] x 1 [accidental]

14) My Pride

 

Links:

Online "pharmacies" I've been doing this for a while and thought it was just because I am lazy [i am] and pretentious [i am].  But it's an easy way [remember the lazy part] to get difficult to find personal care products [remember the pretentious part]. 

Strange Daze

This day is seriously off to a weird start.  First of all, I convinced myself when turning off the alarm that I needed to keep it quiet in the house because we were testing the low level microphones and my alarm would interfere with the testing.  There are no mikes.  I realize I am crazy.  What the hell kind of crack do I smoke in my dreams?  Well, it got me an extra half hour of sleep.

I still got in kinda of early and was walking to my office when I saw an aquantance.  He was chipper and said "You're here awfully early!" and without thinking I loudly blurt out "NO, YOU ARE!"  What the hell is that?  What kind of fourth grade response came out of my mouth?  Ugh.  My social skills are retarded.

And just two minutes ago, I ask the secretary here how she's doing.  And she says "Everything is fine!" then after a moments pause "All I need to do is find someone to kill my son-in-law." and she walked out.  Ummm.  Okay.  Ahhhh, homicidal thoughts on a Friday morning, refreshing. Man, I sure hope I don't have to be subpoenaed.

Hymn to the Choc'latiers

Damn you confectioners! Why do you need to make so many tasty little bite sized morsels that tempt me all day? I succumb every time! Dost thou see that mine "ghetto booty" needeth it not?

Hijra

So, yesterday I spent twenty minutes doing this BBC Sexual identity survey. It's actually pretty interesting and tells you how you score compared to men and women. It uses simple tests to determine if you were more male or more female. Yeah. Guess where I scored. Yup. Right in the friggin middle. Great. What the hell is that all about?!? Just what I needed. I mean, so what if my empathy score was through the roof, so what if I could tell emotions from the pictures of eyes. Thanks alot bbc. So, does that mean I'm half male and half lesbian? (oh yeah, before you start, grab a ruler with mm on it so you don't spend twenty minutes searching for one).

late roundup

Ooops. So I started a post, but got busy; it'll have to wait until morning.  Here's a bunch of links of random stuff throughout the interglobalnet.

Masters of Deception:  Web page documenting the works of Fukuda; I think his three d (I will refer to it from now on as 3-D, you can use that if you want) sculpture casting a 2-D shadow image is just unbelievable

This article on sexuality and education supports my practice at hanging out at the Failed GED office (do they have an office?).  How brains and orgasms don't mix; and by inference, how men have no brains.  Another article in the "one track mind" category.

My tastes are shaping the country...a new restaurant...with NINJAS; a review from the NY times.  Now when is that Pirate Ninja Pizza parlor going to open?

Still obsessed with Katamari Damacy [video game] and so are some other people....with this text version of the game

 

Move over rodney king, early deer season opens Tomorrow (sad that I know that) and this guy is getting it all on tape

Beautiful art piece where the artist recreated san francisco in jello

Turn your dream into a four panel cartoon with artist J Reklaw

On a serious note, this woman [Mukhtar Mai] is now in Madison; she was horrendously raped in Pakistan and bravely speaks out about the mistreatment of women in Asia.  I can't believe I have to find out by scanning blogs from other countries to find out what's going on in my backyard.

Cold Start

Brrrrr!  It is getting cold out here in Madison.  I'll soon be cursing every second my lungs have to inspire cold air.  I'll find anything to complain about.  Anyway, I always seem to repeat what I heard one of my friends say (she works with emissions); every car I see that has exhaust released on acceleration, I'll whisper "cold start emissions" [yeah, yeah, I know that's not correct usage since they aren't right at startup, but I didn't claim to be accurate].  

I got to work early, but for the life of me I have not been able to keep my head in the game.  I cannot concetrate on work at all.  Part of it may be the halloween party this weekend but I think some of it is the weather change.  I just want to hole up and sleep.  Hmmm, I think I just diagnosed myself with seasonal affective disorder.  Well, I just thought I'd say hello, I'm off to teach now....pray for my students. 

The Decemberists

I know this is a way delayed but I went to the Decemberists show last week on Thursday. I have to say, that though I like them alot, they went up even another notch in my books that night. It could have been the crowd I was with; they weren't the usual shoe gazer indie-rock hipsters that normally go to shows with me. Instead, they were fast drinking, quick witted, moderately crazy people. The show itself, though, was alot of fun. We saw them this year in a venue that was four times bigger than the venue last year, and a bajillion times bigger than the time before that. Perhaps it was the bigger crowd egging them on, but their antics were in full force that night.
It was the second time I saw them performing with their newest member, Petra Haden, and I have to say she added alot....regardless of the fact that I have an insufferable crush on her (see previous gushing post). But the banter with her and Colin Meloy was pretty humorous, and Colin was able to explore his more theatrical and histrionic side. Sure, he forgot some words, but his gaffs were endearing since he had already won the crowd over. They even invited a bunch of the audience on stage to dance with them. Overall, they didn't play what I'd call a tight set, but their songs created an atmosphere of fun and lightheartedness. It made the entire experience quite fun and everyone was fairly sad to see them leave. I think this was the best show of the five that I've seen of them....Giant whale, broken mandolin, and all.
After the show, we got to hang out with Nate, the bass player, at a local bar. He was incredibly nice and he was telling us stories about growing up with one of our friends. Then I proceeded to make him uncomfortable by talking about how I love the band and I've been to every show of theirs in Madison and how I saw them at intonation and oh my, wasn't it hot that day and I am completely into pirates and that I had a huge crush on Petra in college and I heard she's single and why don't I sneak onto the bus and *gasp*...it went on for what I'm sure felt to him to be a full lunar year....I hate that about myself...I am no good when I get excited. I'm excitable. It's a curse. I wonder if she'll call me?

At First Sight

Mt Rainier!
Originally uploaded by puma1.

So, I think I've been to Seattle six times....and not once have I seen Mt Rainier. My friends swore up and down that it existed; they sent me pictures of themselves standing in front of it; but no, I didn't believe. But here it is. Awesome. What's even more remarkable is that this is my sister's view. Awesomerer.

How to diagnose a drunk

Lets say somebody works in the ER, was home for Thanksgiving dinner, or attends classes at a Big Ten school and wanted to know if someone they were talking to was drunk. Easy, right? Just ask them, right? WRONG. It could be a bunch of things...dementia could look that way, delirium or anoxia could look similar, crazy could look like that, jackasses could act that way... and other stuff that I can't think of right now could look just like it...Here's a great way to step by step diagnose it:
1) Make them walk...the cops use this one....but a shuffling/staggering gait can be a bunch of things (cops will arrest you for any of them anyway, sorry gramps!)
2) Make them talk. Have you ever heard a rummy talk? Yep. Slurred speech and rambling stories about how their sex life is in shambles or how they're sorry about being a burden....but that could be alot of things, too, unfortunately. I mean, that's pretty much what these blog posts are like, right?
3) Make them think. Get the person into a philosophical conversation about some controversial topic and they will go on and on for hours about how the government is BULLSHIT... and that the crooks in the White House and/or UN and/or Parliament and/or International Korfball federation are out to get the working man.... and that the media is a conduit for evil.... and how marijuana should be legal and why....and then they'll sloppily tell you that they love you. Oh wait, that could be crazy, too. Dang.
4) The Clincher...The failsafe...this one will get you your diagnosis: Give them a cell phone. If that person immediately calls an ex-girlfriend and/or boyfriend...EUREKA...you've found your drunk! Hooray! Way to go!
Now kick them out of the car before they puke all over the place. [ed. note: this also goes for old and/or crazy]

pshew, sorry for the deluge of posts; hopefully it will make up for the lack of posting likely for the next few days....so limit yourself to half a post per day and you'll be fine. Tomorrow, if I have time...pictures! sorry for the walls of text.
later.

Alien Nation

Top Five Ways to Alienate yourself over two time zones [...or how I my life is completely ridiculous]:
1) Have your mom find your "bizness" (see previous post)
2) Accidentally set your cell phone to the most annoying girly 12 year-old-girl pop ringtone, then get a call in a public place...like, oh say, at an airport gate.
3) When talking to someone in aforementioned public place, ask them how "The New Pornographers" show was. Then try to back pedal by saying that it's a great indie rock band as the crowd around you glares at you
4) Follow up aforementioned embarrassing phone call with getting completely engrossed in your book.....and not realize until waaay too late that your reading "Lolita". I think I heard someone actually cluck in disapproval. Damn puritans.
5) Wake up from falling asleep on the flight (after feigning for a while) and find your head on the "shoulder"* of the large man sitting next to you on the flight....he didn't notice I don't think (or liked it)....and I'm pretty sure he also didn't notice that I drooled on him a little (see aforementioned sweating problem)**
[*editors note: the writer uses the term "shoulder" loosely, in reality this region was more akin to his right back flank that was jutting into the author's seat]
[**editors note 2: this list could go on for hours but the author needs sleep/lick his wounds...further items would be, for example: 6) Come home to find that the roommates had shown cute girl visitors the author's [un-elicited] copy of International Male to them and told them he actively orders from there]

even more links:
Yum yum get me some polysheet instant whiteboards...no really, get me some.

feel miserable? especially after reading about my life? well, don't feel so bad, these folks are worse off. (see the cases on the sidebar) Schadenfreude.

Make your old digital camera into an IR camera (via MAKE magazine, new issue available at Amazone)

How to make ski's...you know, it case anybody has a friend that makes skis

A page on how to do stupid crap: most recently, how to make your own Jesus toast

Alarm Clock...

....or how I woke up yesterday morning for my flight getting yelled at by my mom after she found the condoms in my toiletry bag...
Yeah, that's not exactly a way that anyone should be woken up with EVER. She was actually more civilized than I had thought....denial is a funny thing....especially at five a.m. And, it's completely my fault for leaving those in the side pocket since they were a remnant of past wishful thinking (what was she doing in there anyway?...yeah, not the right time to ask). And, just a note to all of you that may find yourself in that predicament, it doesn't help to explain that they were there "just in case" and that they were "probably expired". It was five o'clock in the morning, that's the best I could do, geez.

Strange Trip

This weekend I went on a really fun trip to Seattle to visit my sis. My folks came out to celebrate my sister's b-day, so I decided to go out, too. But it was an overall strange weekend. I went to a party to meet my sister's coworkers and felt waaay out of place. That is, until people got pretty trashed. It was at the house of one of my sister's coworkers; she and her partner were ultracool and really nice. At one point, I realized what a strange turn the evening had taken when I had a pullup contest with them. I lost by one pull-up to this woman's partner...I think she stopped volitionally to save my pride. Like I said, they were super nice. She then proceeded to open a bottle of wine with her bare hands using only a unwound paperclip....I'm pretty sure I'll never see that again. Awesome.
Later that night, I went to a halloween party with a friend that moved out there. He dressed as an orkin man with two gallons of kamikaze in his sprayer. Needless to say, we were a hit (I was a hit only by association...and yes, I was wearing my coveralls). That party also ended strangely with a fight between a white trash prisoner and an airtraffic controller in the street. We decided to leave when an SPD squad car was called in. Mom woulda been pissed if she had to bail me out.
I spent the next day on the flight home with a rather rotund man with a sweating problem hanging 30% of his body into my seat. He was unfortunately a talker and I thus spent most of the flight feigning sleep...at least he kept me warm....and moist.

more links:
Hilarious Yoda hat

Fallen rapper pez....now all they need is to combine this with the pez mp3 player.

Four gigapixel camera with REALLY high rez pics

The psychology of candy jars

Funny book covers to cover your actual books

Wilma

Alright, so I just got back from work and I remember why I hate mondays. I have a bunch of things to post about so there's going to probably be a glut if I get a chance to blog. But right now, I have to get to the Halloween Superstore (!) for our halloween party(!!). (Any ideas internet? I'm struggling). Also, I need to manually unclench my sphincter after wilma passed through Naples....looks like some flooding but no major damage....which is good because I was going to go visit next month.

Follow up link: Last week there was the top 100 novels since 1923....here are a bunch of them reviewed by people who gave them one stars on Amazon...examples from two of my favorite books:

Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)
Author: Kurt Vonnegut
“.....I thought that the very concept of a man who was kidnapped by aliens was truly unbelievable and a tad ludicrous. .... I also do not believe that a person has seven parents.”

The Sound and the Fury (1929)
Author: William Faulkner
“This book is like an ungrateful girlfriend. You do your best to understand her and get nothing back in return.”

An article last week about Rachel Ray, whom I am watching right now. She apparently runs the world.

To go along with my baseline hyperlibido, here's an article on the history of sex advice

Gorgeous pictures of Iceland on Flickr

Design trends according to Moss (reportedly the king of consumer design). Featuring the Fisher Space Pen!

Going away

fall has...um..fallen
Originally uploaded by puma1.

so, I had some stuff to write about...but I don't have time right now. I'm going to go see the decemberists right now and need to pack for my weekend jaunt...yes, that's right, jaunt...to Seattle tomorrow visit with my sis for her b-day. My folks will be there...so that means good food that I don't have to pay for (hopefully). Woohoo. Chalk one up for continued suckling at the teet!
[that's completely figuritive, by the way]

Dangling

So, I still have a few seconds of doing nothing...well, there's always something to do...yet the desire to do them, that's another story...

I think the big plan for this evening is to finally organize my itunes and perhaps start working on a playlist for our Halloween party.  Any suggestions (please don't say "monster mash")

 

Lynx:

Sarah Silverman profile from the New Yorker.  Yeah, I think she's cute; mostly because of her filth, foul mouth.

 

I also like the photos of Annie Leibowitz.  Here's a picture she took on eBay of Burroughs.  If I had money, I'd buy one.

 

So...you want to be clever?  Do you want to impress the ladies with your knowledge of booze? [without them thinking your alcoholic...p.s. you are]  Well, get this book on alcohol esoterica.  I'm not sure how true these things are, but some of them are pretty interesting.  It's kind of like Schott's Food and Drink Miscellany, I love just opening to a random page, it's like going to school except you're learning useless trivia....no, wait, that  is just like going to school.

Creepy

So, I just stumbled across this article about the "Madison Man", a man found with a plastic bag over his head in Madison County Kentucky in 1993.  What's creepy is that there are a bunch of "Madison" connections but for what reason?  Was the murderer playing a game?  Was the man tyring to tell us something?  Was it just a big coincidence?....yeah, prolly.

The Beetles

We've been overrun.  Our place is crawling with Asian Ladybeetles (apparently that's preferred to ladybug, who knew?).  Well, okay, slightly dramatic; we're not really overrun per se.... but I've seen a bunch...including one in my bed....but I ain't complaining cuz it's the most action i've gotten in months.  I'm pretty sure it's the Asian ladybeetles because they smell weird and when I "accidentally" crushed one, it left a little stain on the rolled up magazine that "inadvertantly" crushed it.  Sorry.

 

And speaking of Beetles, yesterday was my monthly trip to the record store (wait for it...I know the segue sounds crappy, but soon the genius will be revealed to you).  Yippee!  I was only supposed to get two albums but ended up getting...um...one or two more.

So here's my shopping list from yesterday:

1) Trojan Box Set Tribute to the Beatles (get it?!? I was talking about beetles, and then bought a tribute to the beatles...oh, why do I even bother?)

2) Franz ferdinand - You could have it so much better

3) Cold Heat - underground funk from 1968-1972

4) Royksopp - the understanding

5) Boards of Canada - The Campfire Headphase

6) Rogue Wave - descended like vultures (pre-release...shhhh!)

7) Wolf Parade - Apologies to the Queen Mary

8) The Constantines - Tournament of Hearts

--on order: Stubbs the Zombie soundtrack----I've never heard of this before yesterday; it's a soundtrack to a videogame with the flaming lips, rogue wave, death cab, and a bunch of others doing random covers.  We'll see how it is.

Moonrise

moonrise oct 18
Originally uploaded by puma1.

So tonight was a completely awesome moonrise over the lake. I'm sure there've been millions of them that I've missed, but this one I luckily caught early. Unfortunately, however, I'm still trying to relearn my camera for all these situations I've never shot before. Thus, a slow learning curve means missed opportunity. Oh well, I got one or two decent shots. And, more importantly, I've used my camera every day since I got it...besides the days that i'm forcibly removed from it for work. jerks. they just don't understand. UGH. every time i hit an apostrophe, the "Find on this menu" appears and makes me so fucking angry...grrrr.

Inefficient

So, I was reading the top huge mistakes of Weblogs from Jakob Nielsen....and I break every single one of them I think.

-Nope, no biography, sorry, you get too much in my posts

-No real photo....well, you know what my forehead and hair looks like...yeah, yeah, I know.. I just got it cut.

-Completely nondescript post titles...check! not a single one is useful.

-Yup, and most of my links don't say where they go. Choose your own adventure.

-Irregular posting...yeah, I have no idea when I'm going post...screw you.

-Mixed posting-yup, that too. look, what is your problem? Now you're starting to piss me off

-Forgetting that you are writing for your future boss- christ, I hope not....

-Having a domain name with the name of a weblog service....Yeah. I hate you Mr. Nielsen....If it wasn't bad enough that my mom nags me, now the whole internet makes me feel inadequate. Thanks, jerks.

List of 100 top English language books since 1923. Interesting list, though I think I've read about half of them; it's interesting that the Watchmen is one of them.

Cell phones changing Africa; I remember going to Africa a few years ago and spending most of my day trying to find a working pay phone so that I can get back "on the grid".

Sailor take warning...

So, I can never remember how that goes....red sky at morning, sailor take warning; red sky at night, rapper's delight.  Yeah, that's it.  Well, they were right about this one, it was a beautiful sunrise and now it's pouring here.  There should also be another adage:  "Wash your car on the weekend, you've doomed us to get rain, asshat"  Not quite the same rhyme and ring to it, but more apropos to our times. [Fine, I'll try harder; here's your stupid rhyme: "On the weekend wash your car, an Autumn deluge is surely not far"]. 

I am pretty darn tired this morning.  I called one of the secretaries "Dennis" this morning, it just slipped out.  By the way, her name is not Dennis.  I don't think I know any Dennises (or is it "Dennisi" as the plural?).  Great way to start the week.

News roundup for monday morning:

NY times article about Lifehackers  the new age of multitasking...how to be more efficient (that doesn't require me to stop incessantly playing Hearts on the computer).  They talk about the "Hipster PDA" which I use for my to-do lists...still doesn't make them get done, though.

Little Nemo in Slumberland new book based on the comic from 100 years ago; this is done in full format.

Nerds are everywhere according to USA today/Yahoo

School in Long Island is going to cancel prom because the decadence and wealth that has been shown in the past.  It's like how I watch "My Super Sweet Sixteen" and marvel at the ridiculous waste of money.

Germans spend more time having sex than praying.  In completely unrelated news, I am moving to Germany.

Just to let you know, YOU are not alone; a really funny article about a cross country bike trip...that ends in murder.

It's all about signage and advertising: a well labeled crack house

oops, gotta go.

The Really Early Show

So, what do you do when the IT guys have a scheduled shutdown at 3 AM? (it always affects somebody, fellas) Surf the web, of course. Roundup of stuff I've been looking at for the past hour or so:

1) Just saw a commercial for this a few minutes ago and I think I actually squeeled like a little girl riding a pony for the first time. Rockstar games is coming out with "The Warriors" game. I love this movie and used to watch it almost yearly as a kid; I just watched it recently and it still holds as a decent movie. Oh, hey, here's an NYT review of the game.

2) T-shirt that has both my favorite game and favorite slogan: Katamari Damacy "That's how I roll" T-shirt. May have to DIY it though, don't like the design.

3) Color schemer: Really cool color picker for the web/photoshop

4) Robots in classical paintings from worth 1000

5) I love the Gothamist's "Times Wedding by the Numbers" and since I left my Sunday Times at home for the roommates, it's the next best thing.

6) Dada-I've always found this art movement interesting....DADA doesn't speak. DADA has no fixed idea. DADA doesn't catch flies.

7) Just hit 250 posts today, woohoo.

8) too riled up to sleep. dang. (sounds like the alternate version of "too drunk to fuck" from the Dead Kennedys)

Happy Trails

moon and something fast
Originally uploaded by puma1.

So, still trapped at work, I have been staring out looking at the moon trying to figure out when the partial eclipse occurs. I looked away for less than a minute and when I turned back around there was this enormous, already decaying vapor trail that you can faintly make out in the blurry pic. All I know is that I welcome our alien overlords.

Wreckage

Women's body building. This is what I'm watching right now on TLC. I don't want to, really. They look unsettlingly like men to me...with breast implants...scary men with breast implants. (I know that's unfair, they work hard for their bodies). It's like a car wreck, I can't look away. And I just learned they spray PAM on themselves before competition and that they eat a bunch of sugary snacks before going on stage to make their veins stand out (don't know the physiology of that except to release the heat from the sugar). God, I hope this information never becomes useful to me.

Bharatanatya Arangetram

Dancing
Originally uploaded by puma1.

No, no, I didn't accidently lean my elbows on the keyboard; it's the name of the performance one of my friends completed yesterday.
It was this tremendously complex dance routine that lasted three hours. THREE HOURS. With only a ten minute intermission for Priya to change clothes. I honestly expected it to be boring and that I'd fall asleep...y'know, since I've recently fallen asleep reading, watching TV, blogging, and once on the phone with my parents. But it was so great. I could not believe the intricacies of her routine and that she could actually remember three hours worth of moves. I struggled this morning to remember the name of that new chris rock sitcom (Everybody Hates Chris). Verdict: I'm retarded, she's the opposite. And to top it all off, it was in a huge auditorium full of a couple hundred people. It was so great. I'm so proud of her...which is weird to say about a colleague, but there it is.
Anyway, I took a bunch of pictures; mostly to distract me from the breath of the guy sitting next to me. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to properly use my new nikon dSLR and make the ISO settings mean anything. It doesn't help that I have baseline tremors making it look like we're located on the San Andreas (no disrespect to the people affected by the recent earthquake...unlike dairy queen here). Anyway, apparently i'm into long posts today, so I'll cut myself off right here.

Not so Super

Ugh...I'm stuck here at work for the entire day....I can't leave....meaning I have to eat from the cafeteria. Yes, you're right, I don't have to; but I lack both the foresight and drive to actually pack food for myself....what the hell do you want from me? Mmmm...I wish I worked at Conde Nast....their cafeteria is the bomb! (yeah, I know it's 2005....aren't we still allowed to use that phrase? Oh, right, but I am a complete dork.) (Similarly, their cafeteria was designed by Gehry the architect, while ours was designed by Gary, the "architician"; he's also a "Dope MC" according to his card).
Anyway, in my stupor this afternoon, I decided to get some food. Blech. Nothing good. But looking at the menu, there was Roast Beef (blech), Broccoli Quiche (labeled vegetarian but with visible hunks of bacon...only to be outdone by the pools of grease), and Superdog!!! [editor's note: exclamation points are not from this author]. I mean THREE exclamation points. Three of them. Who can top that? I mean four would just be ridiculous...but three excites...it whetted my appetite. And, it obviously fits within my pseudo attempts to eat healthier and lose my gut. I mean, that's why they're so excited about this "super" dog, right? Sold.
Now, I sit here, regretting every bite...(why did I keep eating?)....regretting every exclamation point (why did I add mustard? I hate yellow mustard)....regretting not taking my zantac with me to work....I'll never learn. Damn you, you advertising geniuses.

Brains

Brains.  We need brains.  And we are coming for them... 
So...wherever you are, tomorrow gather your zombie buddies and go out and eat some brains.
Apparently there arezombie Flash mobs in San Francisco, Seattle, Minneapolis, and Philadelphia
Here are pics from the SF zombie flash mob a while back.
And a Tombstone hold em game
I'll try to convince the folks here to do it....but they barely wipe their ass without whining about it first.

Weekend

james
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Boy do I want a nap. Woohoo, great way to start the weekend! I realize that my post from last night sounded like it came from an eighteen year old sorority girl; yeah, sorry. I think the big plan for this weekend is Sam's club...we're out of trash bags....again, woohoo. Woohoo, indeed.

Scatterplot

So, in my completely sybarite lifestyle, I went out once again last night (this week has been a strange mix of work and play that I'm not quite used to yet).  I started at the Mad Caberet that I'm not even going to start to explain, but it's a pretty good time.  Unfortunately, my roommate was sullen because his friends ditched and he was stuck with me...and then I decided to leave after an hour...which i think made him more sullen.  Sorry.  Then I spent about an hour trying to lose this guy I ran into on the street; he's a friend of friends and annoys the hell out of me.  He's the slopiest (two p's?) of drunks and is unendurable even when sober.  He goes out ALL THE TIME but complains about how he does not want to be out ALL THE TIME.  Ugh.  But, he's harmless.  Whatever.  So, I failed to shake him and ended up drinking with him for a little while....then Perkins at two a.m.  All this on a "school night"! My word, my mother would wag her finger at me.  Well, she'd do that regardless of what I did.  Sorry, mom.  And now, I have to function moderately well...great.

 

Links:

So, I signed up for this product over a year ago when it was in pre-production because they wanted to gauge the popularity of it...I think it's a great idea and it's finally come to fruition....the Pez MP3 player!

 

Dates with fonts.  In my perfect world this would happen.  I really love futura and think we may have a future together...but damn, garamond looks good tonight. 

 

This guy set up his parents computer and used stickies on the desktop to tell them how to do things.  Every time I go home, I become instant IT guy for the whole family and you can be sure that I will be doing this for my folks over Thanksgiving.

 

Recalibrating your laptops battery.  I never knew to do this, maybe i will go home and try it. (the middle Question and Answer down the page.

 

What happens when you set your camera to a long exposure and then throw it up in the air?  Check it out.  Please don't try this with my cameras, okay?

Counterpart

Outsourcing: A J Jacobs outsourced all of his "low end" tasks, really interesting and funny article from Smart Money/Esquire  about the outsourcing trend.  Some snippets:

"In America, I barely command respect from a Bennigan's maître d', so it's nice to know that in India I have stature"

 

"Actually, the store was out of Tickle Me Elmos, so Asha bought a Chicken Dance Elmo — good decision."  (and later in the article "I'm still stressed. Perhaps it's the fault of Chicken Dance Elmo, whom my son loves to the point of dry humping,")

 

The system is working — not counting the hitch in the drugstore order: Instead of wax paper, we get wax-strip mustache removers for ladies. My wife is insulted.

Honey's finely crafted emails demand a polite multisentence response. The balance of power has shifted

 

I THINK I'M in love with Honey. How can I not be? She makes my mother look unsupportive....It's constant positive feedback, like phone sex without the moaning.

 

The closest I got to a no was when I made the admittedly odd request that Asha play the card game hearts for me, since I was wasting too much time playing it myself on my PalmPilot. Asha replied that she thought this was a "good idea" but that maybe she would do it after finishing the other projects

"Mr. Naveen? If I put you on speakerphone, would you be willing to read to my son? Oh, anything. The newspaper's fine. Yeah, just say his name once in a while. It's Jasper. Okay, I'm going to put you on now. Okay, go ahead."

A pause. Then I hear Mr. Naveen's low but soothing voice: "Taiwan and Korea also are subscribing to new Indian funds in their markets." Jasper isn't crying. I'm tapping away on my PowerBook. "European Union . . . several potential investors . . . parliament." I glance at Jasper again; he seems perplexed but curious. "Aeronautical engineers and technicians." Jasper seems to like aeronautical engineers. "Prospects of a strong domestic demand." After three minutes, I start to feel guilt-ridden. I've officially begun to abuse my power.

Honestly, I kind of worry about the colonial-esque aspects of these types of businesses; but a business is a business.  I wonder if I can hire one of my cousins?......

 

A First

I just wanted to thank all of you that read this (both of you) because yesterday was the first day that the "Next Blog" was not in the top five outgoing links!  Woohoo!  Small victories.  Dooce, I'm coming after your fanbase next. 

Ass Hat

Hey buddy! I just wanted to let you know that you, sir, are the King! I mean you are so funny and for sure have bested me this time! Nobody can top you sir! I thought for sure you were upset with me earlier today when I did the childish thing of sending an email from your account that said you wanted to have crazy monkey sex with everyone on our private email list. I know, it is sooo NOT funny; but how could I ever compete with your superior wit? I mean, I love the way you use what you think is wit to overtake all conversations. I loooove the way your breath smells at all times. I cherish the time I watched you dig out all those shnoogies from your nose in the car! You got every one, dawg! Hey? Where did you put those? Oops, don't check under the dash!

Oh yeah, and remember the time you got pissed at me for sending that un-funny email from your account? Yeah, then you sent an email to everybody at work inviting them to our Halloween Party...all ninety of them. You know, the party that we were trying to control the nmber of people coming to. The party that YOU were NEVER invited to. Awww, that was so awesome. You win, yo! You stupid-piece-of-shit-that-I-only-talk-to-because-I-like-your- girlfriend-pathetic-fuck-up-Ass-hat.
Thanks internet for letting me vent, you're the greatest.

King of France

king of france
Originally uploaded by puma1.

To completely gloss over the nobel winner...since I did not even come close to picking it correctly (well, i said Ishiguro, who is also British...well, he lives there....look, i'm just trying to make myself feel better, okay? I can pretend to be smart once in a while).
Last night was a strange, strange night. I was going to just go to sleep to shake this cold I have (avian flu). But I decided to go to a semi-obscure show. It was The Hat Party (local)/King of France/Robbers on High Street.
However, before getting to the show, I stopped off last minute to see a friend playing for the first time at a local restaurant. He had told me about three minutes before the end of the day and said he had a bunch of people that were coming.
So I show up, hoping to duck out early since he probably wouldn't notice if a big crowd of people were supposed to be there. Nope. Not a single other person showed up. And then the set started. He plays the guitar well....but...um.. ..maybe he was nervous, cuz his voice was crazy (not in a good way). It sounded like a mix between Tom Waits and Dylan...also not in a good way. But I have to give him credit, it was his first time and it was entertaining at least.
Then I went to the King of France show, and it was alot of fun. There was nobody there at all...about ten total...including the opening band. But they all played well despite the shitty turnout and were really grateful for all that showed up. It was fun, I wish someone else was there. Yup, livin the dream.

Nobel

Last night it was announced that Harold Pinter won the Nobel in Literature. The quote on the site was: "who in his plays uncovers the precipice under everyday prattle and forces entry into oppression's closed rooms" and in the NYT this morning "...made an art form out of spare language and unbearable silence". Damn, his work sounds painful. I've actually read "The Birthday Party" a while ago, but don't really remember much of it. Way to go liberal arts education.
Oh, and happy Yom Kippur, atone for me.

applet

So, I'm sitting around doing nuthin again for a few minutes.  Did Apple announce their new products?  Man, I cannot wait for them to announce all these great shiny new white products and fashionable new cutting edge technology.....so I can pick myself up an "old" 60gb ipod photo at discount prices.  Are they going to replace the Nano already?  geez.

Modular

So, I came into work super early today....finished everything I needed to in ten minutes, and now am sitting here twiddling my thumbs.  I guess I could go ASK for work....but there's something inherently wrong with that.  You know, like when I accidently reminded my teacher, Mrs. Adan, in fourth grade about that pop geography quiz...I'm still working throught the pain of the 28 stinging stares from my classmates. Look, I LIKED school (past tense), and I LOVED geography...which kills me to do Conde Naste Travelers "Where are you?" quiz...I'm always at least two continents off.  

Anyway, I spent most of the rest of this morning looking for a bedside table; I'm thinking of getting this desk from West Elm; I love convertable furniture and I can use the folded up version or the drawer part as my nightstand, maybe with one of these or these ottomans to fit under the desk part if it's open.  Yeah, this is how I spend my time.  Hmmm....I need a new comforter, too.

Splitting hairs

Yup, got my hairs cut today at the ultra-trendy place that I can finally go to now that my previously local hipster friend left town (does "previous" apply to "local" or "friend" or "hipster"? You make the call) (kidding). Everyone decked out in their super trendy jeans, tatt's galore, and attitude in plentitude. And I was getting my hair cut by this great woman that could completely kick my ass in two seconds. She terrified and fascinated me...mostly terror, though. But then, the worst possible thing happened. I got caught red handed. Damnit.
Okay, so I went there once before...my hair was cut by this little young thing that had just started there. I don't know if she was nervous or crazy...at the time I leaned toward crazy. Harsh, I know and am sorry. She was, unfortunately, there tonight...and remembered me. Ouch. I feel dirty, I need a shower. But I felt like the conversation with her was painful and akward and odd...y'know, like every other interaction I have with women...and the haircut wasn't really that good either. So, am I supposed to exclusively go to her from now on? Even though I wasn't completely happy with my cut? Well, no, I didn't tell her that...that would require balls and a spine...you should know that I have neither if you've read any of these blog posts. I've already burned through three other places because I have these fidelity issues. Damnit.

oh yeah, and the cut today, you ask? Well, it's a good cut....though the conversation was painful and akward....do you see a recurring theme? later.

Witness Protection

Today has been interesting to say the least.  One of the women that works in the same area I do has had extreme difficulty in remembering my name.  It's been over three years now, but still she can't get it right.  I don't blame her at all, it's absolutely fine with me; I'm horrible with names as well.  What is slightly unsettling, however, is her insistence each time that the name she is calling me is actually my name.  To add to that, she often calls me the names of other employees that are of foreign (Indian/Saudi Arabian/Pakistani/Jordanian/Iranian/Mexican/Puerto Rican and in one instance Thai) descent: 

An excerpt from our conversation today:

CW [crazy woman]: Sohail, how are you today?

ME [me]: umm, [woman's name], I'm not Sohail

CW: Aren't You?!?

ME: No, my name is [my actual name], remember?

CW: Really?  Did you change it?

ME: Nope...umm..sorry

CW: No, you are Sohail

ME: ....ummm....

CW: Remember when I brought in that cake for the birth of your baby?

ME: ...oh yeah, yeah...you're thinking of Sohail...who is a completely different person than I am....

CW:  no i swear that was you

ME: ...uhhh....while this is great reminiscing about crazy things that only happen in your head, I'm going to go to my office and cry for humanity [subtext, not actually said aloud] 

Nope

I am sooooo not making chocolate chip cookies in my coveralls
(NO...what?!?! no, it's completely normal...yeah, it's totally macho [I read that in details])

brown sugar

dork? Yup.

new uniform
Originally uploaded by puma1.

So this is what happens when I have time off. Why does anyone let me out of the house? Anyway, here are my new coveralls YAY! They are totally rad; i don't know why I didn't get them years ago. I feel like Guy (Genvieve's boyfriend) at the beginning of Ubrellas of Cherbourg, it's so cool (yes, I'm SURE I'm not gay).
And I totally have NOT been doing laundry and the dishes in them...and I'm absolutely not wearing them now...you know, while I do the dirty business of blogging. No way. That would be weird. Really weird.

Manque

So, I just found out that the Ig Nobels have been announced! Hooray! I love reading these articles because I'm pretty sure that it's the closest I'll come to a Nobel prize. I'm gonna nab me one.

Blink

swallowed
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Alright, so I'm already annoyed with my day off. Yeah, I KNOW that's not normal...I have too many projects though, and it's completely paralyzed me. I'm in a coffee shop this morning, already hard wired. Every time I hang out at coffee shops, I realize that I kinda hate people. No, no...don't get me wrong, I mean, YOU would hate these people, too. For example, next to me right now are these punk christian commandos(oh, did I tell you about the hot Jehovah witnesses that came to our house? Shoot girl, save me, I've been a naughty naughty boy). Anyway, back to the Born Agains next to me...they're arguing about how their church is split up into cliques...[and I quote] "there's the rosary clique, the confession clique, the youth minister clique..." Man, those rosary bitches never put out. But what really bugged me about them was that in the end they were just judging all the other groups. I cannot stand the self righteousness. ugh. But I digress.
Anyway, as you can see, it's a little foggy here. I just watched it roll in off the lake, it was pretty great...though my neighbors think I'm a complete pervert. Don't get me wrong, I completely am but that's none of their business. And I am completely convinced that the Barrista here (or whatever they are called at non-starbuck facilities) loves me. I got a free piece of chocolate. shucks.
Oh, yup, I really hate people. Somebody just said that liking apricots is "sooo 18th century"...um, it's funny for its randomness but pretentious as hell....dang, why didn't I think of that?

Blue Light

Woohoo, I'm being a bad boy today and staying up late cuz I get a three day weekend that I don't deserve at all! Way to go completely useless holidays and government jobs! This is my Saturday night, beeotch! I was going to blog all about my weekend but I just talked to you and I live with you, so everyone's pretty much up to speed, right? Well, alright, maybe if I get time tomorrow during my awesome day off, I'll blog and post pics and whatnot. For tonight....and for tomorrow morning for all those that have real jobs and have to be at work: links for your viewing pleasure!

Awesome OK Go! video; this totally destroys every home video I made when I was a kid...they even have the "We're surrounded by Mexican pistoleros, let's go out in a blaze of fury" move. Awesome. And the best part is that it looks it's one take from start to finish. Double awesome.

Wikipedia article on something I've never heard....but may be really awesome: Pornocracy.

break dancing samurai: movie with the greatest quote ever: "A time for honor, a time for courage, a time for hip-hop"

Space camp is bullshit....apparently. But man, lea thompson...yum. I met a girl once that would tell you that she went to space camp in the first ten minutes of any conversation with a new person.


Ok, for some reason, this fucking catalog company...which I swear I hadn't heard of since they started sending me catalogs two months ago...is now completely stalking me. I have a feeling one of my roommates had something to do with it. Also, I'm sure the "blowjob" comment from Friday's post doesn't help my arguments. So what if I'm reading a 500 page book on the art and science of "keeping house". Who the hell do I have to blow to set the record "straight"? Oops, oh yeah... now I guess I see where you may think that...nope, it just taint true. I'm completely heterosensual. No, really.
And this is one of the funnier articles that I've read recently. Truly heroic journalism. Some highlights:

"So, you got any capes?” I ask, and she looks honestly regretful when she tells me she does not.

..."as though I’m swathed in several yards of cold sore".

Funny. as. shit. [i had a similar experience with my salmon colored pants...but it was nowhere near as funny as this]
Y'know, that would be a cruel bet...for the loser to have to wear the item that the winner gets him for one evening. Crap, completely forget that; i have a feeling I'll be wearing a ruffeled shirt soon. but you may have to wear this...actually, no, i'd find worse....

saturday

skylightsat the capitol
Originally uploaded by puma1.

man, i have done nothing today. whatever. I'm debating whether to go see the Corpse Bride or to sit on my fat ass and do nothing. Hmm, both have their benefits.

Masquerade

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Uh oh.

So, in my current delirious state, I have come to realize that the government is doing it's testing on me. It's revived the killer 1918 influenza virus....and has given it to me. I, loyal readers, will do my best to provide the world with antibodies. But, alas, if I succumb to this evil entity, all of you can divy up my record collection.

Febrile

Man, I feel horrible right now. I'm burning up, I ache all over, I'm falling apart. Spending the evening at work did not help. I need sleep. Grrr. The beat goes on. It must've been that Kim Possible comment, dang. Well, at least this picture makes me feel better.

Just Wrong

Alright...so it may be the time of night right now.....it may be that my libido has been out of control recently.....it may be the strangely alluring Overstock.com commercials on TV....it may be that I'm reading Lolita currently..but right now, as I watch TV, all I can think is that Kim Possible is HOT, yo.
Sad.

gotta quit

Man....I have a hard enough time as it is...now this. The NY times has a new article about cyclists and impotence, great. Why didn't they say this earlier? And why the hell did I buy a bike seat called "the flaccinator"?

Unwise Man

So yesterday I decided to wear some comfortable pants. They happened to be a salmon-y color (a very masculine salmon-y color, by the way). And apparently that was too much for everybody. So, in the grocery store, this asshat laughs and says "nice pants". So I reply, a little too loudly, "well, you're the one wearing camouflage in a grocery store". I just need to remind myself that in this state, camouflage and gun ownership go hand in hand.

Screeching

An Open Letter to the inhabitants of the watering hole,

 

As I had previously mentioned in the last blog post (which I'm sure you have all read), I have had a browser opened to the National Geographic live camera trained on a watering hole in Botswana; yes, that's right, your watering hole.  Thanks for allowing us to peep into your life, it gives us a rare view for the habitat that you ...um...inhabit.  It's been really fascinating for me and reminds me of my trips to South Africa. 

However, I do have one slight problem.  Well, I'm not sure which one of you it is, frankly.  Oh how should I put this without sounding rude?  Well...my problem is with the animal that has been screeching into the microphone for the past two hours.  What the hell is your problem?  What the hell have you been doing?  I mean, part of the time it sounds like you're getting your ass kicked and the rest of the time it sounds like you're having crazy wild monkey sex (whether you be a monkey or not).  Which is it? 

Actually, it doesn't matter; just do it in front of the damn camera, alright?  If I have to sit here and listen (well, yes, I understand I don't have to listen to it, but what the hell else am I suposed to do?), I might as well get a look, too.  Is that asking so much?  I mean, really, the only reason that I watch this thing is to see 1) Something getting mauled 2) Crazy wild monkey sex....do you think I care about the mysterious beauty of nature.  Fuck all that.  Munky sex or blood, period.  That's what this audience wants, yo; if you can't provide that, then the network will probably cancel your ass.  Then where you gonna be?  Screechin at your agent won't do shit, he don't care about you, fool.  Soon you'll be doing TV movies with Matt LeBlanc and Jason Alexander for Spike TV.  Sad.  And that honey that you be tappin' off camera?  Yeah, she gonna leave you for that fuckin vulture that's always hoggin the damn camera; that dude's got star quality written all over him (he may be ugly, but he's totally workin that Ric Ocasek weird lookin dude vibe).  So, what'll it be, playa?  Just some advice, you don't have to take it....keep screechin into the mike, dawg; we'll see how things shake out.  Later.   

Roundup

So, a little down time this morning; maybe a few links from over the weekend:  Man, I've had four cups of coffee without thinking...trouble ahead.

 

I'm not going to be your monkey : An Interview with Jon Stewart from the guardian

 

Awesomely huge Ziploc bags...for when you run out of body bags, I guess

 

Mirrormask is coming out soon, by Neil Gaimon (awesome sandman comics) and D. Mckean; since I can't see serenity this week because my friend that introduced me to it can't come into town this week...i hope mirrormask comes soon.

 

Cheryl Mendelson, author of Home Comforts (which I bought recently), came out with a new book about Laundry ....413 pages about laundry, awesome.. i couldn't get through the Amazon profile of it even but I think it's a great idea to seriously discuss the art of things we take for granted.

 

Man, corporate sponsorship is everywhere.

 

This is open on the corner of my desktop at all times, reminds me of home (awesome watering hole camera from Nat Geo)

 

Did I post this yet?  The shining trailer if done as a romantic comedy; West Side story as a horror flick.  Both are really funny.

 

Lance's most rigorous challenge to date, via the onion.

 

I love random generators, now here's a blog of it.

 

Awesome new artists, strangely from the altoid corp; check out the mcdonald bag tree, it is mind blowingly awesome

 

Loose Knot

Ugh...This morning was a mild clusterf*ck.  I could not get out of bed and I think i'm coming down with something...prolly syphilis.  Oh wait, no, that would require contact with another human.  My tie knot is a little looser this morning, perhaps it, too, is lamenting going back to work.  blech.

End of the Weekend

bora breaching the door
Originally uploaded by puma1.

So...I guess if anyone asks what I did this weekend, I'd have to say...we shot eachother with friggin lasers. It was pretty rad, I'll have to admit. I forgot what it was like to live with males. Lasers + Fog machine = ridiculously good time.
And then I spent two hours making butternut squash risotto while listening to dirty podcasts while getting trashed off the wine I needed for the recipe. Brilliant. My mom would be proud. Anyway, back to the grindstone.

Sunday Morning

sunriseoct2
Originally uploaded by puma1.

I always both love and dread Sunday mornings. Actually, until recently, there was no phenomenon of Sunday morning for me. But now, as I enjoy the benefit of two day weekends, I remember the pleasure and pain of Sundays. Listening to a low stress album, catching CBS sunday morning (a habit gleaned from when I only had one channel), making breakfast at home, flipping through the Sunday Times, and catching up on blogging. Then there's the whispering awareness in the back of your head that tells you that your comfortable life will be interrupted for a few days. Hmmm, better get back to my leisure activities before the whisper gets louder.

my new kit

my new kit
Originally uploaded by puma1.

So, I was super excited yesterday; I got my new camera in the mail! This is what was in the box...yes, and like a seven year old, I had to just lay it all out and admire it. Maybe I'll sleep with it under my pillow like I used to do with matchbox cars and GI Joe guys. I think they accidentally put an extra battery in my box...shhhh, don't tell anybody. And yes, the sheets on my bed are mint green.

Enabler

bad news
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Alright...so I have a problem....I appear to be the catalyst for badness...and hangovers. Gotta get that fixed.