The Great Escape

[or Why I Hate this BS]

So, I wrote this post earlier today, but just realized i didn't publish it....for reasons you'll see...but I didn't write anything else today, so here it is.

Today has been nearly unendurable. I cannot stand it any longer. The constant pulling in different directions. They ride me hard all morning. They choke me tight, nearly lifeless. They suffocate me. I try to pull and push them away, but they just seem to cling to me stronger. They don't give me the freedom they promised, instead they pin me in and don't give me the support I need. Sure, I'm in with the majority, but where does that leave me? Uncomfortable and hurt. I cannot stand BS any longer.

I repeat, I cannot stand Boxer Shorts any longer.

They never have fit me right....i think it must be my "ghetto booty" or something, but they always bunch up and hang all wrong. They are just killing me today. And the front "hole" just causes me more problems than it's worth [is it really all that hard to actually partially pull down your shorts...or does it need to be clandestine, like it's sneaking out?]. All morning, my "naughty bits" have been vying for position to jettison themselves. One guy escapes and tries to pull all the other guys out with him (wait, how many guys are we supposed to have?really?!)(oh, I get it; no, the twins aren't the same as their older brother; i'm not that much of a freakshow...stop....don't respond) Anyway, one guy jumps out and pulls the other guys out as I walk, and it HURTS with this damn, non-giving fabric (we're supposed to use sheet metal, right?). So, as I was going down the stairs, they decided to abandon ship again...Youch! Frustrated, I reach in directly [no pocket readjustment for me, no sir] to readjust...of course, just then, someone comes in the stairwell door. Great. There is no dignified way to recover from that. Why does this always happen to me? Yeah, I know...the freakshow part....i get it. Anyway, if I had just worn my thong, I wouldn't have had these problems.