Rant: Dude in coffee shop

Dear Dude in the Coffee shop,

I don't know you but I know I don't like you. And I totally know it was you that just "let one go" and it's disgusting; you really should consider changing your eating habits or something. There is an abundance of open tables here this morning, why did you decide to SIT RIGHT NEXT TO ME? And your jacket stinks too, by the way. And apparently you can read this from where you're sitting and currently are. Oops. See ya.