The Two Of You

An Open Letter to the Girl in front of me and The Screamer,

 

Greetings to both of you.  I hope that you had good nights rest after that wonderful show last night.  Seeing Calexico and Iron and Wine was so great, right?  And I had never been in the Congress Theater before, had you?  Yes, it was beautiful; and enormous!  My Word!

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it as well....which makes me hesitant to say these words.  "Girl in front of me", you do realize that the moniker I have given you is the kindest I could have possibly given you, right?  I could have called you "Stinky patchouli Girl" or "Ravenously eating popcorn messily girl" or "beer spilling girl" or "Horrible Cackle Girl" or "Scarf flying into everyone's face when you dance girl" or...well, I could go on, but I won't since that would be rude (and I am obviously the paragon of politeness).

What seems to be "in my craw" (to use the vernacular) is your incessant chattering about a phrase that another gentleman, "The Screamer", (as we shall call him, since I presume his mother lacked the foresight to name him this from birth) um...screamed.  The phrase was "More Cowbell".  Now, please don't encourage "The Screamer" as you did with your uncontrolled laughter, chortle, and snort (yes, snort).  He should be reprimanded, not condoned.  Has this phrase taken the place of concert-douche-bags screaming "Freebird!"?  Let us hope not.

Now, the most disturbing thing about this whole incident was your explanation of why you were laughing so hard.  This is the reason for this letter since I feel you should be corrected.  You repeteadly gasped that it comes from a Saturday Night Live skit (true) starring Mike Myers (wrong) and Christopher Walken (true).  You then went on to describe how crazily Mike Myers (wrong still) hit his cowbell and that people (what people?) asked him for more (sort of right, it was Walken).  The skit was actually a take on the making of Blue Oyster Cult's song "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" starring Christopher Walken and Will Ferrell amongst others in 2000.  During the recording session, Walken, playing a super producer, keeps saying that this song needs more cowbell ("I coulda used more cowbell", etc.).  And, after several attempts, Ferrell goes crazy with the cowbell and "get's it right".  The result was humorous.  The fallout has been, to put it curmudgeon-y, annoying.  It has since been covered by Wilco, mentioned several times on ESPN, the New Yorker, and Collegehumor.com.    Busted Tees makes a t-shirt with the saying that has sold out many times over.  Walken wants to shoot himself in the face every time he hears it.  And this past May, Queens of the Stone Age played on SNL, with Ferrell on Cowbell [wired magazine].  It's not clever.  It's annoying.  Let it die.  Do you see anyone else screaming catchphrases like "You look mahvelous" or "Whatchou talkin bout, Willis"?  No, because that would be stupid.  Whatchou talkin' bout Willis, indeed.