My Thoughts

My thoughts are with the Kim family today.  Searchers found James' body today after he had trekked seven miles from the spot his families car got stuck in the snow; he left to get help for his two daughters and wife.  I have been following this pretty closely and was so relieved when his family was found; sadly, James was not as lucky.  I have been following him for about the past eight years or so on his various tech shows/sites; always way cooler than the other tech folks.  A tragic end to what seemed to be a very smart, kind, and nice man.

Cozy

Avalanche of comfiness [design milk]

Nesting [apartment therapy]

Callable Holiday

Alright...who decided that Thanksgiving is a callable holiday?  I mean, why do I have to call everyone and wish them a "happy thanksgiving"?  Nobody called me on Veteran's Day or Guy Fawkes day....so get off my back, moms.

Poor analogies are like, whatever...

Really funny list of analogies used by high school students; very funny, hopefully these kids are writing for something funny now.

No hyperbole at all

Okay, so maybe the poop-achute for kids is not a good idea....though being forced to watch my parents drop a deuce always seemed to be a good idea.
Whereas that's the greatest product ever, this perhaps is the greatest LIVE news interview ever....ever.  Mental note: nerves+hangover=brilliant tv.

Best....invention.....ever

This is possibly the greatest invention ever.....gotta poop?  Well, hang your baby on the stall door!.....creating a very disturbed population of paratroopers....(yes, i was gonna say "parapoopers"; I am merciful indeed)

Vomitus

Hello?  sorry, I was stuck in a space-time-continuum as it were for the past several weeks.  Slowly I have been collecting these links to share; each one was to have a pseudo-clever post associated....but that was before I gave up Hope.  Here they are:

 

-Awesome remix of the officespace movie into a thriller

-Super duper awesome video of Aries Spears rapping impressions of various rappers
-wanna shower with a geek?  Here's the perfect way to attract them.....[ periodic table shower curtain]
-Hate the site of speakers?  Love the site of headless dogs?  Then, these speakers are for you.
-Sigh.  I'm probably gonna get this book at some point...I like cleanliness... in theory.

-Mac programs that I need to look at at some point, and here, and here
-Greenscreen: did you enter the Colbert green screen contest?  Well, if you didn't win that, try animating the Decemberists new video
-Can't wait until Speck makes a cover for my 13'' macbook, yummm

-Mayflowers bring pilgrims, Thanksgiving brings crappy videos....try these eight tips

-pretty cool stop motion drum and piano video
-Very cool zoomable picture of Macchu Picchu

-Similar to a recent spotted bumper sticker by super-gee....a t-shirt

-You think you talk normal? you don't, funny talker, take this quiz
-Hey B, this is one of the watches I was talking about here

one thing

alright, i thought I would post this before it's fixed: type "miserable failures" into a google searchbar and hit the "i'm feeling lucky"....funny.

Virginia, what is your problem?

Seriously?  G. Allen?  Why should it be this close?  You gots issues, Virginia.  For Rills.

Content is overrated

There's nothing like coming home after a couple of hard days of work and mindlessly watching ze frank episodes....one, after another, after another.....warm bliss....

Suicidal Tendencies

Have you ever been editing your blog [ed. note: author uses the term "edit" loosely, he does not know what it actually means; please see prev post for proof] and notice the pretty little "Delete this Blog" tab? It takes so much effort some days just to NOT hit that button. One of these days.....
[ed. note: author meant that as a threat, we pray for that event]

Insulted

Dear Trick or Treaters,

How are you? I hope you are doing well. I hope you are having a devilishly good halloween! heh, heh. I'll bet you're all having fun, you boys and ghouls. Heh. Let's hope you don't get molested by someone dressed like a vampire. Cough...ahem. Sorry.
Well, it's halloween night! I see all of you scampering around in your cute little costumes! Don't forget to brush after all that candy! Erm, well....I assume you are getting candy from somewhere....since you aren't coming to our house to get it.....
No, no, don't worry about it. It's not like I rushed out of work as quick as I could. And I didn't stop at a local supermarket to get gouged for ridiculously high priced candy (seriously?!? eight bucks for dum-dum butterscotch and "mystery"lollipops? (which are all butterscotch). And no, I didn't put on a cursory "mechanic" costume because I didn't want to be labeled "square" or whatever you kids are calling it these days (the neighborhood kids are fond of yelling "narc" at me, is that the new slang for "nerd"?). Oh, and no, I didn't postpone working on my very important projects so that I could sit downstairs and wait for you.
And that's what I did....sat there and waited. For three hours I sat there waiting. It was like high school all over again. Oh, I know you were near, I could hear your giddy little giggles and footsteps in the street. You went to our neighbors house, with their frank lloyd wright woodworking, beautiful house lights, and their lit up jack o' lanterns. Oh sure. If you're into conventional halloween fare, then go ahead right on over there. However, if you want the authentic halloween "There is Likely a Dead Body and a Molester Down There" vibe, then why didn't you kids come to our house? I mean, really, I had piles of roofie-less candy; delicious, roofie-less candy. And that smell wasn't a rotting corpse...well, I'm not sure what that smell is, but probably not a rotting corpse. It's innocent, see? And we have AUTHENTIC cobwebs and giant spiders! What do you want from us? Or were we finally put on that damn sex-offenders website?

The view of our house from the street. See? not tremendously creepy at all. It almost doesn't look like it's getting swallowed into the depths of hell. What's that you say? Yeah, sure, a house light would have been helpful. And less screams, sure. Oh just shut up, Martha Stewart; hindsight is twenty-twenty, isn't it?

Slight Return

We are in decline. The boon of the 80's, the peak in the nineties, and now the slow desent that is '00. God, I can't wait for this decade to be over. THAT is the Y2k problem: the high suckocity of this decade.

Well, I'm back in town from travelling home to visit my family. It actually was a great weekend and it's always good to see my family....despite the current strife. They're crazy, sure...but they're MY brand of crazy.

What else is going on now with me? I started a new woodworking class....because I decided that having an infinite number of deathly sharp fragments of wood embedded in my hands was enjoyable.

Also, I started taking more pictures again....no, not good pictures, but it's a start. And I've been llstening to a bunch of great music recently, maybe I'll write about it later. (Also, slightly embarrassing, but there is a crapload of great TV on this season....well, good enough for TV, anyway) Well, I hope everyone is doing well, later.

Restless

I don't know what is going on with me....lack of caffeine....too much caffeine....too much work piling up....not enough direction....whatever it is, I have been feeling crazy restless.  Maybe it's winter coming and my primordial clock telling me I better get my shit squared up soon.  Well, my to-do list could've told me that.

Secret[ary]

An Open Letter to the Secretary in my Department,

 

Hi!  How are you?  How have your first few weeks been going?  I'm sure pretty rough, it's a pretty steep learning curve, I know.  Thanks for all of your help last week, I really appreciate it, by the way. 

Oh, there is one thing, though, that I wanted to talk to you about.  Yes, well, it's about my arch-nemesis.  Oh, "Which one?" you ask..haha..that's clever!  Good one.  Yes, well anyway; you know, my arch-nemesis that works in our department named "F**krod*ssholemotherf*ckerd*ckwadpieceofsh*tj*zzball"?  Well, sure, that's not his real name, but every time you mistake him for me and say "hello, [asshat's name instead of mine]", all I hear is "Hi F**krod*ssholemotherf*ckerd*ckwadpieceofsh*tj*zzball!!!"  So, if you could correct that, that'd be great.  Thanks!

Ewwww

Today, I put a phone receiver to my ear at work....and to my chagrin found that it was moist.  Ugh.  So gross.  Sadly, the best case scenario is that it's ear sweat.  Blech.

Movies

Whoa, check out the Blogorrhea today!  It surely isn't because I want to procrastinate anything....no way.  Anyway, here's a link to amazing movie ideas that some guy sent to Patton Oswald; this was posted on the bob and david website (Mr. Show!)....friggin hilarious.

In theory, communism works, too.....

So, I just saw this new "Email Printer" that does not require a computer to have direct printouts of email.  In theory, this is for people [old people] that have difficulties using computers [old people, like my parents] that want to ease into the computer age [old people, like my parents, who choose to forget that the "computer age" started way over 20 years ago].  In theory, this machine is an okay idea....however, in reality, you will realize the error of your ways in buying this machine for grandma when she is found dead [of shock] clutching her first viagra spam.

Weird

Saw this headline in the NYT:

In Tokyo, Rice Vows to Defend Japan

That's so weird.  How will rice do it?  Will Burrito's be defending Mexico?  Quiche defending France?  Will Pizza be defending America?  ....oh, wait.

Drool

So today I decided to go to a lecture....without getting coffee first.....bad idea. There I was, sitting in my chair all smug for being pro-active with my education. The lecture hall was sort of full, so I wondered why some guy had decided to sit on the stairs just behind my left shoulder. (Who the hell was this guy?) So, the lecture started and things were going pretty well....until 35 minutes into it...my smugness seems to have warmed me up a little too much....lulling me quietly to sleep. I awoke to the sound of a clatter....oops....I dropped my to-do list notecards that I was writing drowsy-sleep-marked notes on. Oh, thank you, mysterious gentleman to my left for picking up my errant belongings. Oh, it's you. Hello, Mr. My-Program-Director-that-now-has-confirmation-that-I-am-a-lazy-idiot. Super.
(ADDENDUM: this appears correctly in the "editor" but just doesn't display properly...supit internets)

A Magnetic Ribbon Sticker for my Soul

Okay, so I went to a show last week and was sooo very excited to see the band.  It was Mojave 3 and I used to LOVE their beautiful, subtle, slo-fi* music.   Except the show completely BLEW.  They have apparently completely changed their sound now....I should have read the all music guide description BEFORE I went: "[Mojave 3's new album] threw their formula out and recast them...as an uptempo pop band with the occasional country-influenced ballad."  BLECH.  It disgusts me, it turns my stomach.  Not in years have I had such an angry reaction to a show.
     So, I spent the weekend licking my wounds.  Woe is me, indeed.  However, after the appropriate 36 hours of mourning, I decided to pick myself off the not-so-proverbial "Dust bunny infested" floor of my bedroom and go to another show.  Adem and Juana Molina from Domino Records.  B and I arrived at Cafe Montmartre a full two hours early....I due to the need to sit down in case the show was terrible...and B due to a rather unfortunate misunderstanding about when the show started.  However, the dinner was great, our waiter was great, the ambiance was perfect (they played Velvet Underground AND Neutral Milk Hotel.....sigh...I'm such an eight year old girl).  Needless to say, it was the set-up for a great show.  Adem with his quiet indifolk* songs.  My favorite part was his rendition of Unravel by Bjork on a Eukelele....it was actually very good.  Not to be outdone, he was followed by the small voiced but big sound of Juana Molina.  It seems that this space was perfect for her.  Molina, previously an Argentinian sit-com actress, played beautiful and sparse organic folktronica*, often looping her own voice on delay and singing over it.  Very cool.  The only hitch of the evening was when Adem convinced me to buy the vinyl edition of his new album.....which I promptly forgot next to my chair and had to come all the way back from home.  Small price to pay for a good night. 
   Anyway, sorry for the gush...it was just one of the better shows that I've seen in months....especially when contrasted with the other show-that-shall-never-again-be-spoken-aloud.


* [editor's note: these genre names are all made up....these genre's do exist, I think; but I'm not sure if these bands actually fit in to those categories.  Apparently I don't care enough to check. sorry]

flashbacks

So....have you ever driven with my family in the car?  No?  Lucky you.  Do you want to know what it's like?  Well, it's alot like this: GPS units from gizmodo

Enough....

Okay New York Times.....we get it.....you rilly rilly like Turkey.....or hired a Turk for the travel section. Either way, please stop hitting me in the nuts with it, thanks.

Drowsy and procrastinating

The title says it all.  It's Saturday night, I've had at least 10 cups of coffee today and I'm still so sleepy....but it's Saturday....my time....I can't waste it with napping....must....continue....to....do.....things.....inefficiently....

-Funny post about the worst fonts....Algerian is one of my least faves, ugh.  ADDENDUM: guess I'm not the only one: flickr pool of algerian used in signage
-Really great time lapse photography movie set to music
-miss 24? Me too.  and apparently these guys do as well.
-Very nice summary of a recent Annie Leibowitz talk ; I love her art, have yet to see the book
-I love Ze Frank, he's tremendously clever and have been watching him for a while but realize I've never linked to him.  Truly a shame; he's tremendously funny.  Be sure to click on "the show" to see his daily video (i refuse to use the term "vlog", blech).
-Strange but captivating and beautiful movie called " The Rabbit"

Bless the small towns

Y'know, some days I really hate living in a small town.  However, it pleased me so much today to watch a family try to flag down a pizza delivery guy thinking it was a taxi.

Champ

Hey!  It's Friday!  Woohooo!  And how many of you gave a presentation today with their fly half down!  Woohoo!  Wait....am I the only one raising my hand?

Subdue the Turk

The Turk won the Nobel!!  Orhan Pamuk won the Nobel prize in literature today, pretty cool.

Vote

Uh-oh.  The Americans are sweeping the nobels!  Who's gonna win the nobel prize in literature next week?  Awww, who cares, I won't understand their fancy talk anyway.

Lost Precis: Season 3 episode 1: A Tale of Two Cities

Lost is back!  Exciting?  Yes.  Infuriating?  Yes.
So, here it is, the synopsis of the first episode of the new season:
It starts out with Petula Clarke and a book club.  Fuck, I didn't know desperate housewives was on tonight?  Oh wait, earthquake....oh, it's a plane crash...oceanic 815?  Yep, yawn.  Oh look, Henry Gale from last season being all bitchy again....sweet.  And apparently they've done this before....he's barking orders before the plane even hits the ground.  Pan out to see the "others" living in the middle of the forest....gasp!
Alright, the rest of the episode is Jack flashing back to his annoying ass previous life.  I'll summarize the rest of those flashbacks: I NEED TO KNOW THE NAME OF THE MAN THAT IS SLEEPING WITH MY SOON-TO-BE EX-WIFE?  WHA? MY DAD?!?  I HATE YOU DADDY!
Jack wakes up in some sort of holding cell....yanking his chain....repeatedly.  Gross metaphor.  Anywho, I'll also summarize the Jack-in-the-present part:  KATE! WHERE ARE YOU?  WHY AM I HERE?  YOU WON'T BREAK ME!  I'M GOING TO OPEN THIS DOOR AND CAUSE A CATASTROPHE EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN WARNED!  OOPS!  OH, YOU SAVED ME.  OKAY, YOU BROKE ME, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?
Kate's is better:  She has a shower and then is "forced" to wear a totally hot dress....then blah blah blah....oh yeah, she puts handcuffs on, too.  Rawr.  Then gets told "it's going to be a terrible two weeks". 
Cut to Sawyer in a giant panda cage.  He spends most of the episode figuring out the food dispenser.  Then the asshat in the next cell opens up his cell and tells sawyer to run and don't stop.  Well, of course, he DOES stop and gets his ass tazered by the same woman that's torturing Jack.  Anyway, he gets put back in his cell, wins a fish biscuit, and then sees Kate put in the cell across from him.  He...and his dimples....ask Kate if she wants some fish cookie (not a metaphor)....she does, and they share a tender moment.
Then, after Jack is broken, we see "Henry" say "Thanks, Juliet" and she says "Thanks, Ben". 
But she totally doesn't mean it.

Night

lightening storm 2
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Sorry about the lame posts recently, things have been busy and whatnot. The other night we had these kickass storms over the lake. Apparently, I have no idea how to take pictures at night. However, I was able to get one or two interesting pics during the lightning storm.
I have a great weekend ahead of me, I'm going to the D of C! I'm super excited and can't wait. Unfortunately, that's two days away. sigh.

Haven't linked out for a while, so here some are:
-A neat little airfare site that will tell you when to buy tickets to another city ...unfortunately, the cities are limited and alas, madison has not made the final cut...jerks.
-How to take pictures through the viewfinders of old cameras. I did this years ago with my old cameras, but not to the sophistication of this.
-Very beautiful paperwork art
-Earthquakes happen every day, wanna see where they were?
-yet another cool color picker
- fake mix tape generator: hours of idiotic fun

Timer

So, there was this argument in our house tonight:  How do YOU boil an egg?
This argument teaches me 3 things:
1) The extraordinarily high level of cuisine that is created in this house is staggering
2) We can find anything to argue about
3) My life is sad

Brilliant Idea

Despite the school shootings, Middle East unrest, and paige fondling, leave it to the Icelanders to think of this beautiful idea. They decided to shut the street lights off in Rekjavik for thirty minutes so that people could see the stars better. How nice.

oops

okay, so it probably would've helped to actually include the link:  HERE it is.
And apparently there's more versions that have been made....but, dear god, why?!?

Could Thriller get Better?

The Answer: Fuck Yeah. Super fuck yeah. Enjoy the Indian version of Thriller. Awesome. This needed to be made.

macbook pron

macbook pron
Originally uploaded by puma1.

So, here it is. Yes, I know....it's beautiful, isn't it? And yes, she's in my bed. And yes, I sleep with her. Sorry super-g, you'd do the same if you had her. And yes, those are my wrinkled maroon sheets....shoulda taken the picture elsewhere, but I was too excited. sigh.

Pure Nerd

I am what I am....after taking this test I have confirmed that I truly am a nerd.  You may call me Little Professor from now on.

QOTD

It's before 8AM and I just heard my quote of the day:

"I dunno what it is, but the internet says these are probably chicken pox...."

Ummm, shouldn't you get that checked out?  The double edged sword of google images....

Ghostface Komput-r

Sweet!  I just got word that my computer is on it's way!  Yahoo!  And even better, it's a member of the Wu!!!

Yep, it's on it's way from Suzhou China, the heart of the Wu culture.  ODB! RZA! GZA!  Protect ya neck, yo.

new look

css is for losers. knowing how to design is for jerks.

Cautionary

Alright.  This is a warning.  Clear as day.  Here it is: Please never use the phrase "That's Stinkin' Thinkin!" with me.  Ever.  Unless you want to die a horrible and painful death. 

 

End Transmission

Salve

Alright.  I made the plunge.  I bought a new computer.  After several weeks of what seems to be an improvement in my schizophrenic computer's behavior, I decided to jump right in and do it.  i mean, really, what's money for, if not to buy useless consumer goods for the masses?  I stand behind my decision.  I am waiting for my beautiful macbook.  I cannot wait.  I'm sure I will post computer pr0n as soon as I get it....in a week to ten days.   No, no, it was a completely uninfluenced decision.  I am totally not using this incorrectly to make myself feel better about my family's current unraveling.    TOTALLY not.

brobdingnagian*

Shhh.  I have to be quiet, I think it can hear me.  It snuck up on me in the night a few days ago and I haven't been able to shake it.  What worries me now is that I think it may be developing its own climate system.  Oh, and I met some German hikers on the side of it, they seemed nice but kept asking for directions to the disco. 

It's huge.  It blots out the sun.  I keep getting startled by things coming in from the right of my vision.  They ask me "what's wrong?", and I say "Oh nothing!".  Don't they see it?  Don't they see the enormous pimple that has popped up next to my right temple?  Oh, I get it, they're ignoring it...but I can see the fear and disgust in their eyes.  I hate them for their pity.  They will talk on their cellphones, recounting to their friends the tale of the "poor disfigured cretin begging for peanut shells on the corner" 

Geez, I really like peanut shells, alright?  Sue me.

 

sorry, guess who needs sleep?

 

(*Note: The title comes from Gulliver's travels, it was the land of giants, the opposite of liliputian)

 

The Sixth Kid in the Hall

In a stunning turn of events, Saddam Hussein lets it slip out that he was the sixth "Kids in the Hall" character by proclaiming 'We will crush your heads'    In related news, Hussein also declared that Scott Thompson's monologues were way too long.

Love dojo

I am ridiculously tired today. I should have taken a nap. It's a chilly 60 degrees here, it feels like september....oh, right, it is. I haven't had anything too exciting to write about, sadly.
Some people are over watching football right now. At halftime, a friend called and she was complaining about a dude that just happened to be at our house right at that moment watching the game. It was a really fun exercise to keep things vague enough for both of them to not figure it out. But they're both too self absorbed to figure out anyway. I live a sad, petty life. Oh well, it keeps things interesting.

side note: new cards for a friends Birthday party:
"You need a mint" "You're shameful" "Jameson's Time" "Time to go (you)" "Have some self respect" "what happens in my pants, stays in my pants" "Quit staring at my honky tonk" "Your friends all agree that you need to wax" "I'm secretly scanning the room for someone else to talk to" "Those are Lust Blisters" "Kiss me, I'm drunk (and lack self respect)" Can you think of others?

Creepiest baby gift ever

Looking for a cool baby gift, I ran across this:
creepy pillow
I'm totally going to get this for some friends....and never get talked to again.

Bridesmaidz

So, I crashed a wedding last night.  No, no, I'm not proud of that fact; I was rather uncomfortable doing it.  However, when one of my roommates and another friend called me late last night, stinking drunk, asking me to come to a wedding they were attending, who am I to refuse?  I mean, it's one of the laws of nature.....or thermodynamics....I can't remember which.
And being the only...um....international attendee [read: darky]....in the entire crowd of 200+, I stuck out like a sore, embarrassed, akward thumb.  The bride's father kept eyeing me, the groomsmen wondering who the hell I was, the event staff waiting for me to walk away with some chairs or something.  Yikes.  This was a bad idea.
But, regardless, I found my friends and started talking to them.  Things were slightly less uncomfortable once it was established that I actually knew somebody at the wedding.  Pshew. 
But then it got worse.....fast.

Here are the highlights, in bullet form for your reading ease and enjoyment:
-P.Y.T. by M. Jackson played, dancefloor clears (I know! it was ridiculous! those philistines!)
-Immediately get spotted by inebriated bridesmaid....I knew I shouldn't have worn purple
-Aforementioned bridesmaid persists in "dancing" with me....in actuallity, she was rubbing on my leg while I kept her from face planting into the dancefloor
-Idiot DJ then plays "Every Rose Has its Thorn"; I am immediately surprised at how strong the grip of a 110lb woman can be as I try to exit the dancefloor
-"Slow dancing" turns into "Slow wrestling" as she is too drunk to dance....discomfort level rising
-She slurs "Ohmygod, I'm soooo shorry, I have a berfriend" I assume this meant boyfriend...I am relieved.  Yet, I am still unable to extricate myself.
-She immediately says "Oh what the hell, let's just have fun tonight!"....discomfort level rapidly rising at the same rate as the groping
-I look to roommate for help.  He is useless.
-She continues to talk about something or other; i'm trying to figure out if there is perhaps a hint of vomit in her heavily alcohol scented breath?
-She then tries to find something in my pocket...does she need to borrow my cell?  Let's hope so...Discomfort level at an all time high
-I declare that I'm leaving the wedding and spend the rest of the evening waiting for my friends with my tail between my legs just outside the doors.

FUN!  I gotta remember that weddings are evil places that should be avoided like the plague.  It serves me right for crashing the wedding.  Lesson learned, Aesop. 

Two more things

Jeezus....two posts in the same day!  I'm already getting sick of myself.
But two questions:
1) With the recent slow but sure demise of my computer....should I switch back to Mac?
2) What are your favorite movies? I can't think of a single one to recommend to super-gee.
I need some gin.  Later.

Hell smells like Grandma

An open letter to the creepy hole in my closet,

Hey creepy hole in my closet! What's up? Do you mind if I just call you "Creepy" rather than "Mr. Hole in my closet"? Sweet, thanks. So...um....what's up with you? I know that's kind of a weird question....but seriously, what's the point of your existence, dawg? Were you some sort of vent in a previous life? Were you a laundry chute? Were you one of those cool dumbwaiters like on "Webster"?
Yeah, I hope so.
However....from the smell that seems to emanate from your...um....face (?)....it seems to indicate that you are a boarded up...ummm....PORTAL TO THE UNHALLOWED ABYSS OF THE DAMNED!!! And, dude, there is a dire need of some Plug-ins all up in that piece, yo!
Look, I don't know how you came uncovered....either 1) by the recitation of some ancient Egyptian text of the Undead by unwitting and poorly-chaperoned high school kids or 2) failure of the shitty packing tape used to seal the piece of drywall on. I'm with the latter, but there is an eerie fog and green glow in my bedroom....whatever.
What I DO care about is that you stop stinkin up my shit. My clothes smell like I've been sleeping in a cemetery [I'm not saying I haven't...it's just that my febreze has been rendered useless]. I need you to stop, or I'll do something drastic. Unless, of course, you actually ARE the portal to Hell. In that case, all hail our evil overlords. Sorry about all that dirty laundry in front of your portal.

Echo

Nope. still alive.  just a little busy.  should be slightly better in about a week or so.  keep posted.  though, i shouldn't promise anything exciting....since the biggest drama right now is my intestinal fortitude.....or lack thereof.  Woohoo.  Woohoo, indeed.

Lather. Rinse. Humiliate yourself. Repeat.

How to look like a complete jerk in three easy steps:

1) Listen to a friend say he had to spend the entire weekend packing up his brother's things

2) Immediately declare the aforementioned brother a big jerk for not hiring movers

3) Place foot squarely in mouth as you learn that aforementioned brother just passed away...the reason why they were packing up his stuff.

Ugh. Brilliant.

Into the Ether

I started a new job this month and it's a kajillion times busier than my last job. With a busier job and up to THREE TIMES the amount of whining I need to do because of it, my time has been sparse. Pshew.
But I have been trying to remotely send in posts via email.....forsooth, where hath they gone? Oh well. Perhaps to an evil nega-blog in an alternate inter-verse? No, prolly not, just wanted to use "nega-blog" and "inter-verse"....I live a sad life.
Oops. Chewed up too much time...gotta go.

Verbage

So, since I don't have time right now....it's very busy, annoyingly so.....i've even had to decide if I wanted to "drop the kids off".....I decided against it....they're still with me....and ANGRY.    So instead of real posts, I'll post the spam that I get.  I love the prose:

"their questions. Though they were much relieved, they were inclined to
be grumpy at being frightened for nothing; but what they would have
said, if he had told them at that moment about the Arkenstone, I dont"

Always leaving me hanging....

An Open Letter to: The Housekeeper

Dear Housekeeper at the Hotel that I'm staying at:

How are you?  I just wanted to let you know that you are doing a great job.  Seriously.  You keep everything very neat; yeah I know it's your job, but you do it well....except for that day that my toothbrush was face down on the sink....not cool, I have serious bathroom issues (post later).  Anyway, I think that the best part of my stay here is your willingness to play along with my stupid little habit.  Every day you leave me a new bar of soap.  Thank you.  You know that I have my own soap and haven't used any of the ones you've left.  However, each day you leave one more bar of soap so that I can add it to my unused soap bar pyramid.  We are up to nine bars.  It's truly majestic. 
Thanks for playing along.
 

Switching Gears

Mayo-nazed
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Hola Cougarinos.
Sigh. I'm almost done with this ridiculousness. My Despondency Index [DI] was peaking for a while, but things are improving. I'm almost done with this conference and I'm not sure whether I want it over or whether I want to go back to my job. That's rough. How did this post get so depressing? Anyway, there were a bunch of things that I learned here; here they are:
1) My bladder is really small
2) Most people think I'm a delivery guy
3) Mitchum totally doesn't work for my B.O. Sorry folks. "Skip a day" my ass.
4) If I hear the phrase "We're just going to switch gears here..." one more time....
5) This is the Heart Of Darkness
6) A whole crapload of other stuff that I've forgotten

Lingkz:
-Beautiful microscopic photographs on flickr; and pinball macro photos
-Awesome proof that global warming is happening and is real. from sfgate (via kottke)
-Funny prank video clip...bless the russian mafia
-Love the idane head butt....what was said? Who the f knows, but the speculation is awesome here...here....here.
-Hey! Check it out! Wired is finally on the web! Weird, right? Apparently the conde nastys acquired Wired this week and will finally allow them to have a real web presence at wired.com (yeah, I don't understand it all...summary: all jacked up). Here's word from Chris Anderson's blog (editor).
-Kick ass street installations from Mark Jenkins (prev posted in 2/06)....if someone happens to live in D,C, they should TOTALLY go look for these
-Very good movie of 8 1/2 [fellini] set to 8 Mile [eminem] resulting in: 8 1/2 Mile.

imminent collapse

It's collapse is coming soon....No, no, not my spirit.  Not yet.  I mean my hard drive.  It's purring at me with the occasional grunt.  Uh oh....Not right now you adorable widdle hawd dwive, if you cwash, i'll be fowced to destwroy you wif a cute widdle machete.  Seriously.  I'm gonna get all Friday the 13th on yer SCSI ass.  Fo Rills, yo.

One chance

So, the other night at a concert, I saw a girl and as she was walking by I said "Great shirt, nice boobies" and she said "Hey thanks!".  Sure, that may sound bad to you now...but you only get one chance to say that....cuz she was wearing THIS shirt.

Staccato

silver lake
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Alright, I know I haven't been posting alot; though I'm sure it doesn't bother any of you, it sure bothers me. I have been taking a mild hiatus from active writing. I just started a new job yesterday and it's much busier than my last job...and is already proving to be trying to say the least. Also, I no longer have an office and don't have a desk at home...bummer. Furthermore, I need to be studying for a certain huge test in about a month....yikes. Regardless, I'll post when I can and am sure I'll have spurts of posts at certain times. Anyway, I hope everyone's doing well. Later.

Links

Useless links I've gathered over the past few weeks that I haven't posted because I've been too lazy
-Optical illusion:  spanish castle that looks like it's in color....but it's black and white....pretty rad.
-It's TOUR TIME once again....another few weeks that I can wear spandex and it's sorta normal...unless we cancel cable...then I gotta figure something else out....a google maps map of the tour route
-I love this airplane demo...i may have posted it before, but it is AWESOME..
-stupid squirrels, they can do everything well, including photography
-Ever wonder what you should put in a safety deposit box? (your capacious rectum is NOT a storage place)  Here's an article on what you should put in a safety deposit box and another list of things you should keep handy
-A list of popular photoshop plug-ins
-how to find true north without a compass.

-eating healthy: I eat trash all the time...I'm trying to figure out how to eat better.

-Think you're popular....well you're not

-Thinking about cancelling cable....tried these things and they said...NO.  jerks
-how to: photoshop Sin City Effect  Lomography effect.  How to take pics of fireworks!

-Cool: how do ants know how to get home?  by counting steps.  How did we find this out?  We jacked up their legs...Ants on Stilts!
-A whole slew of photoshop tips and tricks.
-ultra-nerdy discussion about the fonts on "Lost" I love it.
-McSweeneys: comebacks for "I'm with stupid" t-shirts
-I love MAKE...and they had this cool article about THUNDERDOME in SF.  awesome....we need one here.

-Friends are having babies...soon and in about 9 months...YAY!.. here's what they need
-Awesome.  I'm addicted to brain age....and I know I need this too: common sense training for adults .
-Weird....and kinda kinky....no, no, I meant without the kid and the dad....or did I?
- Giant Robotic Pandas....the scariest thing evar
-Wanna steal power from the airplane?  Now you can with this USB to airplane seat jack power cord....kinda neat idea for recharging in-flight...but doesn't the plane need that power?
-Vicemag coming through again...how to make a playlist for a girl.  Funny.
-Gonna try this: origami water bomb
-Very cool looking automatic plant watering system
-cool idea for a smoking room ceiling art piece

 

Justice as Blind as my Fury

[warning: this is a long post, go to the bathroom now]

On Wednesday, I had my big day in court.   No, no, not for the indecent exposure.....the OTHER court case [and really, nothing about my exposure is indecent in the slightest].  The court case for those jerks that relieved me of my wallet and dignity a year and a half ago.  [Well, actually, I was headed to a Morrissey show at the time....so I guess my dignity was already gone].  Anyway, I was all amped up for the trial since I would have to testify as the "star" witness [meaning: the dude that got mugged].

 

Here's my experience, in list form:

1)  I realized I needed to testify out of civic duty and for closure....but more importantly, because of the subpoena.

2)  My bowels hate me.  They especially hate me when driving an hour and a half to Milwaukee to get to court.  Trying to take medicine to help only makes them angrier. [completely unrelated: if I were you, I wouldn't ride in my car for a week or so.]   [just kidding...really]

3)  Parking for the Courthouse is really expensive.  And the underground garage entrance is labeled "NO ENTRANCE".  And cops that you ask where to park, point angrily at the entrance with the "NO ENTRANCE" sign.  And citizens going to testify become wary that it is all a trap but go through that entrance anyway. And police officers can't read, apparently.

4) The tunnel from the Parking Ramp to the Courthouse in Milwaukee is where Evil lives....and apparently urinates

5)  Security is really tight to get into the court house.  A Fisher Space Pen will be regarded as a lethal weapon because it is both smooth AND shiny.  I presume that the question in the security officers head was "Why would you need a 'SPACE' pen for Earth Court?"  Good question, champ.

6) Court Rooms look nothing like Night Court.

7) This Court Room looked like the basement in our old house.  I did not see the ping pong table.

8) It was really crowded in the court house, I thought it was all for my trial.  It was going to be all "To Kill A Mockingbird" style and dramatic.  I was wrong on many accounts.

9) I found out that I dressed better than everyone in the room, including the lawyers. It wasn't hard.  I wore socks.

10) After an hour and a half, they called my case.  My heart raced as I thought about how I was going to point and shout "THAT MAN.  THAT MAN, RIGHT THERE!!!"

11) The fucker stood up with his public defender.  He plead guilty right off the bat.  He coulda done that yesterday and saved me this damn trip to the courthouse.  He's wasted my time once again.  Thanks, asshat.

12) find a bathroom....ewww...public bathroom....even worse....courthouse public bathroom

13) Get out of the parking ramp before I get mugged.

14) Self satisfaction at a day well spent

 

Bless the Justice System.  It obviously works.

Mental Note

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happiness

oh yeah, i almost forgot!  Last night I was filled with a tremendous amount of joy that could hardly be contained.  It seems that our local cover band, the hometown sweethearts, has added Neutral Milk Hotel to its repertoire.  Hearing "In the Aeroplane Over The Sea" live made me immensely happy last night.  Simple pleasures.  Sigh.

"Tame" with an "L"

Hello!  Long time no post.  Things are busy here.  However, I just celebrated my 30th birthday last evening, hooray!  I hadn't been out in a while, so it was pretty fun.  AND we got to play pool without getting harrassed by a certain someone that has recently relocated to NYC.  The freedom was invigorating.  I ended up getting home very late, however, did not feel the slightest bit hungover today....take that, thirty!  Well, today's a busy day and tomorrow I leave for Syracuse, NY (the 'Cuse, to those in the know) to chill wid my best girl and her folks.  Hopefully I won't get beaten (too badly).

Bless the....

Bless the magical powers of Air Conditioning.  That's it.  That's all I got.  Oh yeah, and pity for those who don't have it.  Rubes.

Infinitely Divisible

It's getting out of control. It owns me. It's my to-do list. It is seriously ridiculous. Apparently I can't remember to do daily functions without writing it down. For example, this morning, I actually wrote down "Trim Fingernails" on my list...that is a box I cannot wait to check off. And yesterday, just before doing some exercise, I wrote "Do exercise" just so I could fill in a box. It's a disease. My gas gauge in my car isn't enough to tell me that my gas is low, now I have it written on my 3x5 notecard to let me know that I do, indeed, need to get gas.

And then there are these cryptic items that I no longer know what to make of them....such as "Jacket". What does that mean? Did I leave my jacket somewhere? What's wrong with my jacket? It's 80 degrees here, I don't even need a jacket. Or did I mean "Jackel"? Did I want to buy a jackel? Should I read about jackels? And why would I misspell "jackal", anyway? Or my favorite entry on my to-do list that never seems to get checked off: "clean". Which is second only to "read". Oh, here's a new one "burn to-do list". Well, at least I can check off "Write blog entry about to-do list". Sweet, I feel much better already.

I didn't know that...

On one of Madison's morning news programs, one of the guys said that Ice Cube's birthday is today; apparently he's a 37 year old Raptor.  I believe he meant to say Rapper/Actor, however the former is much cooler and something I did not know about Cube.  It makes him that much more intimidating.

Filmy coating

Alright, I just got into another super long conversation about movies.  It just so happened that the woman I was talking to has a completely opposite view of movies than I do; I'm apparently a "movie snob".  She thinks that movies are to entertain (sure) and sad movies are a waste of money to see and make (ummm...), heavy dialog movies are pointless because anyone can talk alot(but....), action movies aren't realistic (ditto for sci-fi) (wha?....), blah blah blah....

what tha fuck?!?  Where do people get these ridiculous thoughts?  I was sure that she had been molested in some way as a child.  I thought she was joking, she wasn't; it hurts my soul.  So, here are some movies that I defended as "rad":

1) Silence of the Lambs: Her quote: "Creepy".  Wrong, its outstanding.  Sure, a little disturbing, but just great all around; there isn't a week that goes by that I don't say "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose"...but really, who doesn't?

2) Godfather: "Too long" wtf?!? I don't even know where to start.  Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

3) Mulholland Drive, Full Metal Jacket, Kill Bill: "blink. blink [blank stares]" alright, let's move on; I'd thought I'd try....

4) Before Sunrise/Before Sunset: major releases, mainstream, with "stars", I thought I would get her on this:  "Too talky".  It's ALL talk, and that's what makes it charming and fantastic.  You're right, sorry, let's go back to talking about your shampoo.

5) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Also a major studio release.  interesting plot idea, great use of effect and flashback and narrative, nonlinear and active.....the only comment: I liked Jim Carey better in Cable Guy.  Nuff said.

6) Lost in Translation: sparse, great characters, great visuals...."BORING.  Nothing happened!"  Just kill me.

7) Rushmore: also engaging characters, carefully orchestrated sets, use of color and light...."Kinda funny but Bill Murray is usually funnier, he wasn't at all funny in Lost in Translation"  Where did I pack that gun?

8) Apocalypse Now: "Never heard of it".  Oh shit, you are making me cry.  You spent your whole life being "cute" and you are an utter disappointment as a human.  Bless the American Public school system

Alright...this is an uphill battle...what movies did we agree on?  Swingers, Shawshank Redemption, Garden State, and Old School.  I now hate these movies.  Oh yeah, then we had this amazing discussion about Kurosawa.  Oh wait, no...

Flickr Killr?

Uh oh.  The program I know and love, Picassa, is finally online....here.  What does that mean?  Is flickr doomed?  I never liked the GUI of Flickr, but it's grown on me and I have hundreds of pictures and millions of contacts....um, okay, well I really DO have hundreds of pictures there.  It looks pretty, but at least for right now, it's too little, too late, goggles.  Unless you can say "hello" to me in a dozen different languages, then I'm totally in.

Name that Smell

That's the name of the completely not cool game I'm playing with my officemates.  Today's answer: leftover Thai food in a backpack! Yum. 

Can't wait for Armageddon.

Space

Yikes, sorry about that previous post.  I had a moment of weakness.  Well, though my bowels doth protest, I will persevere.  This weekend, I ended up going to a sailing club ground school.  I've lived in Madison for four years now (!) and have yet to shout "Prepare to be boarded!" and really mean it.  I want my timbers shivered, damnit.  I'm having a hard time figuring out when my first class will be, two days in a row has proven to be difficult.  I think it will be the long course this weekend. 

     Anyway, the reason I'm writing about it is that I met these two brothers Cullen and Cyrus.  The were very nice, outgoing, and were two brothers moving to Madison this Summer.  They were having trouble signing some forms due to a waxy coating....and I brandished my trusty Fisher Space Pen.  It made short work of the wax.  However, Cyrus retorted that the Fisher space pen is an example of American penchant for Waste; to wit, it cost 1 million dollars to create it, while the Russians simply used pencils!  Oh smug Cyrus, why could you not be like your older, wiser, less contrarian brother, Cullen?

     Yes, it did cost one million dollars to create, but it's ingenious, beautiful technology.  It was part of the writing utensil cold war; another "arms race", so to speak.  We could not be left behind.  I mean, the Russian Cossack used sabres to kill Bolsheviks, while Americans used expensive but efficient bolt action rifles to slaughter our "foes" (like Native Americans).  [umm.  yeah. let's forget that part of history]  However, what were we going to do, let the Russians win this pen race?  When it's 120 degrees Celsius below zero, will Ivan's pencil be able to write "Da svidaniya"?  Well, okay....yeah it will, but will (s)he be as stylish?  And what if that cold piece of paper has grease on it....y'know, frozen space grease?  Yeah, that's right, our guys will be writing "God Bless America"....until they freeze to death....in that greasy, cold abyss.

     Or just maybe that's all a myth, and they just didn't want errant broken lead whizzing around the shuttle.  Whatever, either way, you can just shut up, Cyrus. 

Gut Check

Dear GI system (including but not limited to Colon, Stomach, Small bowel, et al),

 

Hello!  I know this may be kind of weird, but I just wanted to say hi.  Look, you've lived inside me for very close to thirty years, and we've had some good times, right?  Remember that one time we ate at that Chinese place in Singapore?  Yeah, it was delicious, right?  I'm still craving that dish!  Ooohwee!  And I bet you loved all those cookies I ate this weekend!  (I had to test them out!)  Unfortunately, your upstairs neighbor "belly flab" is also enjoying them apparently, as is his cousin (and your coworker), "ghetto booty".  They seem to be growing by leaps and/or bounds. 

     Anywho, I know you're busy digesting all that grapenut cereal and whatnot from this morning, so I won't take up much of your time.   But really, I have to come out and say it.  Have some common decency.  You know my schedule.  Stick to it.  You know when I'm at home and you know when I'm at work.  And you MUST know about my phobia of outside bathrooms.  No, no, I'm not talking about the intricate decision making process I go through every time I choose a urinal; I'm talking about the tremendous aversion to using public toilets for your byproduct....umm....we'll call it "the ikis" (two or deuce (?) in Turkish).  Seriously, don't be all grouchy all morning and then not produce....then the second I step into work, act all proud for bringing "los ninos" for swim practice.  I am  not going to stand for it.  My secret work-bathroom MUST remain a secret, I can't go use it every day or it will get found out.  And then what will we do?  That's right, adult diaper.  Then you and your buddy "ghetto booty" will have alot to talk about, won't you?  (sorry you had to get involved in this, internet).

fetishist

sunrise 6/11
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Geez. I cannot stop taking a ridiculous number of pictures of the sunrise (103 this morning). Maybe it's because it's a pretty easy target and takes little skill. Maybe it's because I've never lived in a place that the sunrise has been so accessible (yes, that's right, I lived "where the sun don't shine"). I wish our sunsets weren't behind trees and houses....of course, it saves me about an hour out of my day.....and saves you from an insufferable [larger] number of pics.
And just one note to the coffee shop that I'm in. Way to go for installing outlet strips around your place. And props for staying relatively empty (not great for you, but awesome for me). But most importantly, way to go barrista for picking some pretty fucking awesome music to rock out to. 'Kay, back to reading. Later.

Is Bliss

One of my friends came in this morning to tell me a story hoping to gain a friend in arms.  She said she was "totally a victim of road rage" this morning and that she was traumatized.  She repeatedly professed her innocence and proceeded to tell me the story.  The story where she says she accidentally cut off a guy.....because she was talking on her cell phone.....and didn't see him in the other lane....and then subsequently cut him off again to get back into the lane she previously was in because she wasn't paying attention to the fact that she was in a "turn-only" lane.  Yeah.  I'd love to support my friends...but I'm gonna back away slowly from that one.

Cranky

So, not only have I been really tired, I've been really cranky.  And nobody is helping with that at all.  For example, my officemate.  Yes, the one that talks incessantly.  Yes, the one that cannot drink out of a soda bottle without splashing it all over the place.  Yes, the one who (whom?) continues to leave old food containers open on his desk for days (now a full week).  Yes, the one who repeatedly uses my desk "because it's neater".  Okay, you get the point (but I could go on...that's a threat).  Anyway, his newest habit is staring at my computer as he walks into the office, just standing behind me seeing what I'm reading.  And this morning, I decided to read an article in the New York Times....and, sure enough, he stood behind me and asked me about it.  I told him what the article was about.  AND THEN HE PULLED UP A CHAIR TO READ OVER MY SHOULDER.  Mmmm, feeling his hot coffee breath on my ear...really, truly turns me on.  THERE ARE FOUR OTHER COMPUTERS IN THIS ROOM, GO AWAY.  I wonder if he can hear me screaming in my head?  Naw, the dude doesn't even take audible hints.  Just kill me.

van Winkle

yellow
Originally uploaded by puma1.

DAMNIT! So, I apologize for not blogging, things have been a little bit busy here. It's around one a.m. right now. Yep. AND I JUST WOKE UP. Stupit nap and stupit alarm. A twenty minute "power nap" has turned into an 8 hour "ULTRA MEGA OMNIPOTENT POWER NAP!!!" Awesome. What a waste of a day. The worst feeling is waking up when it's dark and not knowing what the fuck is going on. I think it took me twenty minutes to figure out what the hell had happened. And now I'm hongry....is Perkin's still open? Whatevs, I'm going back to bed.

Small Town

So, I ended up going to see Tapes n' Tapes last night.  And, per usual, I went alone to the show.  However, I realized again what a small town this is since I end up seeing the same usual suspects there.  I think there were at least seven people I know by name and another handful that I know by sight; and one dude I know by smell....take a bath, dude, those dreads are nasty. 

But the one thing I do like about this town is that there isn't the indie-rock posturing that infected Detroit when I lived near there.....if you said you didn't know a band, here their happy to tell you about them rather than puking on you in disgust (I do realize that I should have used a contraction for "they're" instead of "their" but it seemed so difficult to do at the time, I'm over it now) ( I also realize that puking in disgust seems to be a common reaction for those around me, weird).  Anyway, it was a really fun show and I got to talk to a bunch of people I see only on the rare occasion that I drag my ass to a show. 

I also went out this morning because the sunrise looked pretty cool.  And I saw the hugest fishes out there.  B told me they were there, but I didn't think they were as big as he said.  One of them even tried to swallow my leg.  That's a lie, I just didn't know how to end that paragraph. Anyway, I'm supposed to be doing work, hope everyone has a good day.

Rubicon

DAMNIT!!! You just can't recover from where I am.  DAMN YOU INTERNET!  Why do you cause me problems always?!?!  Look, I was innocently looking at JALG (justalittleguy.blogspot.com ) and decided to check out cuteoverload...cuz I haven't had enough of my pukingly-cute-animal-fix.  So there I am checking out the page....and my boss walks in...and sees me looking at kittens dressed up in cute little fucking outfits.

I'm gonna have to leave this town now....

 

Mime

Well, I didn't really realize it was Thursday already!  Time flies when your preoccupied with stupid crap.  Well, I was going to write about the past weekend...I guess it's a moot point now.  On the plus side, I think I'm going to go to a Tapes n' Tapes show tonight if I can get tickets....though spending all night awake this past evening does not bode well for the show.

Here's a little recap of the weekend:

-Went to Seattle, met my sister's boo; he seems like a nice guy, she seems to like him, good enuf.  Spent Tuesday night arguing with my parents

-Went to one day of the Sasquatch music festival....It was GORGE-ous (punny, pictures later) but I don't think my sis was too into it.  I only saw a few bands....and narrowly missed the hail...pshew

-Had an anaphylactic reaction and came very close to dying but I was too stubborn/arrogant to go to the hospital

-Hung out with J alot which was great, unfortunately he threw his back out on Saturday....getting old blows.

-lost my fucking moleskine

-Blah blah blah

 

links:

Fontolicious - article about Microsoft's new Word default font

....Which led me to this very interesting article on fonts where the author talks about the effect fonts have had on his grades; similarly,  companies with simple names do better ....both of these go to show that humans are morons

A funny list of "booking bands" band names combined with books

Awesome new moleskine lets you design your own city guide

clerks II got a standing ovation at Cannes?  Is that a pig flying?

World Cup Time! In case someone's looking for the TV schedule for ESPN/2

Cool site with excerpts from interviews with photographers

In Turkey, I had mentioned Dazzle Camo to you g, well, here's that site

Also, they had identified all the fonts in the thank you for smoking intro.  Here they are.

 

Oregon Trail

Alright, today I'm leaving for Seattle in order to visit my sister and meet her boyfriend....and also to go see the Sasquatch music festival, which should be awesome....though a little damp it seems.  I just talked to Jon, one of my friends that moved from Madison to Seattle.  Y'know, he's one of the only people that seems excited when I visit...my sister says "I'm excited you're coming to visit" but I know she doesn't mean it....I still think she's holding a grudge from all those times I used to hide her shoes (what? It STILL is totally funny).  Anyway, here are a few other links that I found last night while procrastinating packing.  (Did you see the finale for Lost?!?  It was CRAZY AWESOME.  I'm gonna be tortured for the next several months waiting for it.  Oooh, and I could just kill Locke....and especially kill michael, jerk....ok, sorry.....my life is TOTALLY better than having to rely on TV to entertain me....yup.  sweet, reliable, nonjudgemental T.V.)

Very funny news clip: the newscaster mixes up being gay and blind....I often do too.  hilarity ensues.
Since when did Brookstone get into the "adult toy" industry...she looks like she's having too much fun riding that. [scanner]
Sometimes funny Postcards I made site [screenhead]
Very odd Anne Frank TV show clip (failed pilot)..besides the fact that it's jacked up, it makes me feel dirty....but good use of Neutral Milk Hotel
 

Mechanical Turk

I learned a new phrase today: Mechanical Turk (check out all this turkish stuff, yo!).  It was a famous 18th century automaton that was supposed to be able to play chess.  It turned out to be a hoax with a chess master sitting inside the machine.  Amazon's Mechanical Turk, also known as artificial artificial intelligence, is a beta service that allows computers to use humans intelligence to complete tasks that computers have a hard time completing.  Well, isn't that super?

more links:
Here is an amazingly cool photo that is made of other photos....so you can zoom in ad nauseum....which I have....for the past twenty minutes....
Funny little post about cliche business photographs
Hey!  Wanna know useless facts about your birthday?  Well look at this.

What is up with Edward Munch's paintings....they just keep getting stolen.
Washington post article on the smuttiness of the internet .  Guess who's horny?
Really cool idea: nike and apple team up to make something that will tell my ipod how lazy i am

How to make a rain hood for your camera (this one's for me, for this weekend...I'm goin to the "big sassy".....okay, I just made that stupid name up, I meant to say "Seattle")

Very funny nerd humor: comparing girlfriend 6.0 vs wife 1.0

Also very funny article from Wired about Rental car technology

What's up?!?

Okay, so has anyone else noticed that since we got back from Turkey, all sorts of crazy shit has happened?  What's up, Turkey?  Do you miss us?  Is everything super boring without us and you're throwing tantrums?  Aww, that's cute.  Thanks, we like you, too.  In all seriousness, it just seems like Turkey has been in the news more....or maybe I just notice it more now

There was the slaying of these judges over their head scarf ruling 

Then yesterday, a Greek and Turkish fighter collide in mid air

And today, there is a huge fire at Ataturk International Airport

Yikes. 

lslsl (oops, accidental post)

Neat how-to of emptying a light bulb...i see another time wasting project in my future
Rad picture series of a snail crossing a gap in a park bench...you can almost hear him say "oh fuck" the second his shell comes off the back slat.
From now on, I'm referring to my naughty bits as my ornaments

One more question.....

The finale of 24 was good...except why would jack believe that his daughter would just HAPPEN to call right at the moment of his triumphant victory?  Here's how the conversation went:
Random guy: "Agent Bauer, your daughter is calling" 
Agent Bauer: "Whatever dude, she totally hates me...."
RG: "No really, and she wants to tell you she loves you and is super sorry that she was such a bitchface to you last time she saw you"
AB: "Whatevs, yo; that don't sound like her..."
RG: "And she's channeling the ghost of your wife that wants to tell you the hiding place of Redbeard's Treasure"
AB: "wha?..."
RG: "DId I mention they were all naked...."
AB: "What the hell?  You're talking about my daughter!,, erm....and the ghost of my dead wife...."
RG: " Oh yeah, sorry; I totally meant that they were holding adorable kittens..."
AB:  "Adorable Kittens?  I am totally there...."
RG: "sucker"
AB: "what was that?"
RG: "Huh? Oh nothing...I was talking about something else"
AB: "Oh okay....I'll just go into this private dark hanger to take this "call" even though I've taken every other call on my celly all day.....which is cool cuz I'm totally running out of "anytime minutes" this month...hey does anybody want to order chinese food after I take this call?  I totally have this weird hankerin' for it."

Oh yeah?  And where the hell did Wayne Palmer go?  Ten bucks says he is sitting around in some "safe" basement without cable or internet or nothin just waiting for "things to blow over".....two years from now, CTU is totally gonna remember him....and then have to make up some crazy story about aliens or nuclear war or something.  He's totally gonna be pissed.

Twenty-fortean

Sweet, I totally forgot about the final episode of 24 tonight....thanks G and google calendar.  So what does today hold?  Well, last week 24 came close to jumping the shark....y'know, somehow getting the crucial piece of evidence erased by some half-wit dumbtwat and then the submarine captain who was specifically TOLD that terrorists were there sticking his head out of the hatch....I mean, come on!  Shouldn't you just have submerged or something...or at least use the periscope? 
So what is it this week?  How are they going to end the season?  Was the neurotoxin accidentally switched with laughing gas?  Hilarity ensues.  WIll Chloe finally pass that huge nugget she looks like she's wrestling with during every episode?  WIll Jack realize that he hasn't taken a piss the entire day and his bladder will explode?  Will Aaron and the first lady get it on?  Will jack train super dolphins to save the world?  WIll jack finally say "Look, we have all the time in the world, let's just talk about this for a while"  We'll see what happens tonight!

Viral Sh(r)edding

 Pshew!  I thought I was dipping into a little dysthymia this weekend, but lo, it seems to be more benign.  I was cranky, short tempered and it seemed that everything was going wrong (well, that may be true).  However, upon review of the weekend and in light of this morning...it seems I have caught some sort of cold bug.  Yes, yes, the reason I was a complete jackass this weekend was because of a small cadre of little micro-organisms wreaking havoc on my innards.  I swear.  I'm really a good guy.  Stupid jerk viruses making me cranky.  So, remember that time you got hit by a freight train?  Yeah, I kinda feel like that this morning.  I was short of breath putting on my socks....does it make it any less pathetic if I say they were "dress socks"? no?  Well, it culminated when I called into work to ask what my schedule was...and when I was about to hang up, I said "Thanks, mom".  Brilliant.  I've already bolused 2400% of the daily recommended Vitamin C...c'mon "placebo effect"!

 

 A pretty   awesome commercial from ikea with their new 360 view kitchens....I like another one of these more (less annoying) but can't find it right now...this one's similar, but the sound is grating. 
Another article about silk screening
A wired article about happy sex...well, actually, about how the 'net has changed information gathering, interaction, etc.
 

Sunrise

sunrisemay18
Originally uploaded by puma1.

There was a beautiful sunrise this morning.....and I almost knocked my tripod into the lake. Anyway, I'm getting an early start on a day that I could have slept in a little for. Oh well. Some links below:

-Ricky Gervais had a band called Seona Dancing (shawna)....and it is hilarious. [screenhead]
-The comedy duo flight of the concords folk rap [screenhead]
-Cool, i need to make a felt squid [MAKE zine]
-Creepy McDonald's ad from India....this baby is coming to eat you.
-Dang, just bought a kitchen timer; shoulda held out for this neat tetris-like timer
-Why you're a vegetarian. Movie from 1982 including Betty Buckley from Eight is Enough! and the craziest looking German family. Also a few disturbing killing scenes
-Beautifully shot still motion/flash movie "Forest Grove" using a planned neighborhood model

Milestone

Buddha
Originally uploaded by puma1.

I've hit it....the "Huge Five-O-O". No, no, how about the "big Half-Thou"...or perhaps the "Merely Respectable Quarter 2k"? Nope, I got it...how about the "incredible waste of everyone's time"? Yeah, that fits.
Yep. Five hundred completely useless entries. Well, it's been a long, crazy road but we finally made it.....isn't that what you're supposed to say on these kinds of posts? If you tune in later, I'll have a charming little flashback episode with a montage at the credits.
I wondered what picture I would put up for this one. No really good celebration pics....well, there was that one time I got trashed and blew the flashlight...high point of the evening...for the flashlight; mom would be proud. Well, I guess I could've included a picture of the rest of my face....but that would ensure that nobody EVER comes back. Then, there's ALWAYS pictures of my nuts; but that is SOOO overdone. So, I decided to include the first picture I ever put on my computer....you can even see the scanner cover peaking through the bottom left corner. It's symbolic really....half assed, cliche "photography" for this half assed -cliche blog. See? I'm totally working on being less negative. It's a celebration, bitches.

Duck Hunt

hey little guy, are you alone?
Originally uploaded by puma1.

Hey, guess who got their ass kicked by a duck tonight? (Hint: it was me) (thank goodness my camera doesn't record high pitched screams)

knock it off

Dear Officemate,

 

Please stop talking.  You are driving me crazy.  Please, I beg you to stop.  What are you talking about, anyway?  You're going to make an Arsenal soccer jersey for the finals tonight....great.  You made some really great salad last night....super.  You went to see the mayor speak last night and you are currently pontificating about each citizen's civic duties.  You're "girlfriend" is having a piano recital this weekend....she teaches preschoolers music, dude; Rachmaninoff it ain't, yo.  You're fucking killing me, you know that?  Don't you see my head turned AND my earphones in?  Can't you hear my soft wimpering, hoping you will cease your verbal onslaught?  No, you don't, you just like to hear the constant humm of your own voice...I wish I had a tazer.

Net

Dang.  They fixed the gate.  Jerks.

But, hey, check it out!  Flickr is now gamma!  The organizer is pretty snazzy and it looks like the menus are slightly more intuitive.  Well, who can work when flickr is all growed up?  Not me, that's for sure.

And have you heard of this site?  It's called Flightaware.com and it is totally awesome.  You can track flights in realtime and figure out where the flights are coming from by typing their tail numbers in.  And you can also track local storms it seems.  Boy, I really don't want to work today, do I?

No work today

Aww crap....I have a million things to do....but nothing will get done today, fo' sho'.  I mean, who's gonna sit here and watch what happens in the parking lot?  You know, because the entry and exit gates are going all apeshit up and down at random intervals.  Driving in was like playing nintendo, yo.  Awesome.

Paved With Good Intentions

Did I mention that I was going to try to be more positive in general?  Yeah, well, fuck that.  It's not worth it.  This weekend completely blew.  Well, not COMPLETELY, I did make some pretty good Raspberry Streusel Bars.  Yep.  Livin the bachelor dream.  Baking.  Ooh, and I also swiffered all over the house.  Oh yeah, then I checked all the "Plug-ins" to make sure they weren't empty.  That was pretty awesome.  But, it was mostly busy....I didn't read a thing for work (and I need to).  Whatever.

Oh yeah, I did go to the farmer's market in Madison (if you've never been, it's pretty great; I think it's one of the largest...or maybe oldest...) it was neat to see all the vendors out again, though the day was rainy.  I took some pictures, but alas they're at home.  My favorite part was seeing this one guy who is there every Saturday walking around chanting "May Peace prevail on the Earth.  Let there be peace in the state/country of __________"  He was doing states this week....I was walking near him from Arizona up until just before Delaware ....I still can't support peace in Delaware, yo.

Arrgh, back to work.  I need to stop napping at this computer, it just looks bad....

 

Links: cool photography dealing with the extreme architectural density of hong kong and a catalog of various people's 100 by 100 foot apartments.

How to make those photos that look like train set model photographs....yeah, that makes sense....man, I cannot think straight today.

 

I Survived a Turkish Prison and All I Got Was This Stupit Blog....

Konichiwa Bitches!  How are things, interenets?!?!  I am back incountry and on the grid again....oh wait, right, you knew that....since 99% of the readership of this blog was with me.....sorry.  Well, if you weren't with us and accidently were looking for "cougars2" but miss-typed, I will have you know our Turkey trip was great. 
Though, re-adjusting to life back home has been difficult.  I keep saying things like "excuse me" and "thank you" in Turkish....essentially all the Turkish that I know, really (I am one polite motherfucker, see?).  Work has been a bear for the past few days, it'll take me a while to get used to it again.  And not having tea every seven minutes will also take some adjusting to.
However, I will still look back fondly on Turkey....especially since IT IS FRIGGIN SNOWING IN MAY HERE.   What the fuck is your problem, Wisconsin?  (dang, couldn't get through a post without complaining).  Anyway, I can't wait to write more about Turkey, and the pictures are coming soon.  B, I hope Ankara is going well (oops, you're in Mercin now, my adoptive home); thanks for all the good work as the team ambassador.  And G, you did a pretty good job as team president....though we all know it was just a popularity contest.  More to come....if I get off my lazy ass.  Merhaba, y'all. (which means "hello" but I can't remember what goodbye is....get off my fucking back)

no batteries required

Travel is imminent.....must prepare massive amounts of electronics for trip.....including my ipod:  Here is a site that gives some tips.

Overflow

Where'd all this dust come from? Oh yeah, sorry, haven't used it in a while....things are a bit busy right now. In three days we are going to Turkey. Hooray! Though I dread the super duper long plane ride....probably stuck between a guy with a sweating problem and an old woman with a bladder infection who has to get up every three minutes. I loathe you United for not allowing me to pick my seat. Fascists.

Anyway, not alot of posts this week probably, maybe more today....if not, I will see y'all in about two weeks. Have fun

Powerpoint Zen - thoughts about powerpoint presentation design

"No doc, you can keep yer pills, I'm going for alternative therapy" The effects of sox on blood pressure

Uh oh...my favoritest notebook company is selling itself...is this the end for moleskine?

"Flint Star" - documentary about Flint, MI's basketball scene; I grew up near there and this movie sounds great, need to get my hands on it.

The equation for a good butt. Way to go science.

Smithsonian's photo contest just closed, can't wait to see the winners

Has anyone seen "Thank You for Smoking"? I really want to...Typographica examines their uses of fonts in their intro...mmm, i love me some fonts...