ugh....haven't had time to write....umm, okay, another lie...i've just been too lazy....
so here's two more lies:
1) I'm pretty sure that's just a pimple
2) it's not contagious
samedi, mai 28, 2005
jeudi, mai 26, 2005
Web
The Lies I have told thus far today (it's only 10AM):
1) Good Morning
2) I would be happy to help you
3) Everyone makes that mistake
4) That's interesting
5) I'm interested to know how that turns out
6) I feel the same way
7) No, I haven't been on hold for that long
8) You look great
9) No, I didn't see that in my mailbox
10) Thanks for bringing that to my attention
Regular
So, last night I went for drinks at place around town that I like. The atmosphere is always chill and there's never a huge crowd. Unfortunately, last night I also realize that I'm a regular. On the one hand, it's kinda nice to be known....you know, kind of like cheers. On the other hand, being known at a bar is kinda sad...you know, kind of like cheers. But, now that I'm convinced that the wait-staff luvs me, i gotta go back....wait a minute....do you think they're being nice for tips? dang.
mercredi, mai 25, 2005
Yikes
so...ummmm....apparently I went ape shit yesterday. Everything is back on line and five by five. Sorry.
mardi, mai 24, 2005
Retraction
My sentiment from earlier seems to have been too harsh for normal human interaction. I will rescind the previous violent statement; I no longer want to "bury my thumbs in his eyes". I want to dry fuck his eye sockets.
Is that more palatable for you?
Is that more palatable for you?
Seething
Grrrrrr.....I don't think I have been this furious for months. I am absolutely fuming right now. Today was a busy day before the fuck-up that was assigned as my partner decided this would be his FIFTH day off. That means he has taken off ONE QUARTER OF THIS ENTIRE MONTH along with every weekend. The rage I have right now knows no limit. I cannot wait to bury my thumbs in his eyes.
dimanche, mai 22, 2005
The Tain - Vol 5 - Potpourri
Dang...why did I pick the Tain as my template for these posts? Five things?!? Crap. I shoulda picked the seasons, or the Three Musketeers (yes, including D'Artagnan). How the hell am I supposed to come up with five things in one day?
Here it goes:
I went for a bike ride this morning and learned two things 1) I'm not as adventurous on my own 2) I do a horrible job of pacing myself (and cycling is the ONLY area where I have this problem). I also realize that i'm horrible about the "On Your Left!" routine since I scared an old woman into the street.
I'm excited for the "24" season finale; I'm not a die hard fan, like some people; but i can appreciate a great show. I wonder what the twist is going to be. Having watched alot of TV in my time, I will make a few predictions: 1) Jack and Marwan find out that they're actually married when they find an old wedding certificate with a typo that says "Marwan" instead of Jack's original high school sweatheart "Marian" (Scene: they're both looking at the paper, then eachother, then the camera and say "Wha?!?" in a classic "Sutherland Take") 2) This is all Jack's dream and Jack actually fell asleep on the job as a security officer at the Calgary Technical University (the other CTU). 3) Jack saves the world by challenging Marwan [and winning, of course] to an ice cream eating contest [Marwan's lactose intolerant!]; Hijinx ensues. 4) Similar to #2, for the last two hours of the 24 hours, Jack realizes he's fuckin tired and sleeps for the last two goddamn hours. Cutting edge tv as we hear Jack snoring, then the apocalypse at 23:59.
Whatever it is, it looks like 24 finally jumped the shark.
I was all proud of myself for being aware of pace while walking, and was doing a great job of it at first. But sometimes I stop paying attention and make little games for myself, like "let's see if i can span this entire square of sidewalk in one stride" I slip up once and immediately get pounced on. Geez, I'm sorry.
I am newly fond of snicker's marathon bars. They're really candy bars but because they put the words "Energy Bar" on them, it totally seems healthy. I've eaten six just today. Boy, I'm just chock-full of energy now. good night.
Here it goes:
I went for a bike ride this morning and learned two things 1) I'm not as adventurous on my own 2) I do a horrible job of pacing myself (and cycling is the ONLY area where I have this problem). I also realize that i'm horrible about the "On Your Left!" routine since I scared an old woman into the street.
I'm excited for the "24" season finale; I'm not a die hard fan, like some people; but i can appreciate a great show. I wonder what the twist is going to be. Having watched alot of TV in my time, I will make a few predictions: 1) Jack and Marwan find out that they're actually married when they find an old wedding certificate with a typo that says "Marwan" instead of Jack's original high school sweatheart "Marian" (Scene: they're both looking at the paper, then eachother, then the camera and say "Wha?!?" in a classic "Sutherland Take") 2) This is all Jack's dream and Jack actually fell asleep on the job as a security officer at the Calgary Technical University (the other CTU). 3) Jack saves the world by challenging Marwan [and winning, of course] to an ice cream eating contest [Marwan's lactose intolerant!]; Hijinx ensues. 4) Similar to #2, for the last two hours of the 24 hours, Jack realizes he's fuckin tired and sleeps for the last two goddamn hours. Cutting edge tv as we hear Jack snoring, then the apocalypse at 23:59.
Whatever it is, it looks like 24 finally jumped the shark.
I was all proud of myself for being aware of pace while walking, and was doing a great job of it at first. But sometimes I stop paying attention and make little games for myself, like "let's see if i can span this entire square of sidewalk in one stride" I slip up once and immediately get pounced on. Geez, I'm sorry.
I am newly fond of snicker's marathon bars. They're really candy bars but because they put the words "Energy Bar" on them, it totally seems healthy. I've eaten six just today. Boy, I'm just chock-full of energy now. good night.
The Tain - Vol 4 - Dipsomaniac
Ugh. Drunk dudes make me weary. Last night was no different. We saw a fairly entertaining Dylan tribute band the other night and the High Noon. It was alot of fun, but as the show went on, the crowd around us got more and more drunk. Unfortunately, we were in the back...plenty of space for the drunk guys to sway and stagger. And sway and stagger they did. They swayed and staggered their litte drunk hearts outs. And when they were almost done, those little hearts were put out on their slobbered, dissheveled sleeves...as they proceeded to hit on our friends. Ugh. Painful. And Pathetic....yes, it deserves a capital "P". But our friends ate up all the attention. Even worse. So, despite all of our urging, we left them to get drooled on. I hope everything turned out okay, we're all adults, I guess....though some judgements may or may not have been affected by beer [with the associated goggles]. Have I said "ugh" yet?
The Tain - Vol 3 - Don't ever hesitate
In all my dealings, there seems to be one commonality: akwardness. It's never any big thing usually....just a culmination of a billion tiny things. Last night, though, I realized I'm not the only one that it affects. We were saying goodbye to some folks last night. I had just met them, so the half wave and handshake were perfectly fine for me (pshew). However, my friend knew them slightly better and had introduced me to them. A little more akward.
What's the protocol?
I used to be a "hugger". Everybody I would see that I knew would get a hug (usually women....cut me some slack, it's the only action i ever got). It made everybody feel loved and was just great. But, as my sexual repression increased along with the discomfort with other humans, the hugs stopped. For better or worse, I've become a "high-fiver".
Anyway, back to the story. So, my friend...we'll call him..."B. Ora"...no, no, that's too obvious...how about "Orabay"? Anyway, when it was time to say goodbye, Orabay had the hand shake out to her...good move...conservative but safe. However, as she took his hand...she had a left shoulder lean in. I saw it, it was real. I saw the fear in his eyes. He reached up for the handshake-hug combo. Then she hesitated! I gasped. A mixed signal! Damnit! She changed the rules during the maneuver! But it was too late...they had already committed. Oh no! With disdain, both of them gritted their teeth. The smell of shame and disgust was palpable. But Bora...erm...Orabay got the last word with a little pat on the back at the end. That's right, Orabay, you show her that you weren't beaten. Bravo.
What's the protocol?
I used to be a "hugger". Everybody I would see that I knew would get a hug (usually women....cut me some slack, it's the only action i ever got). It made everybody feel loved and was just great. But, as my sexual repression increased along with the discomfort with other humans, the hugs stopped. For better or worse, I've become a "high-fiver".
Anyway, back to the story. So, my friend...we'll call him..."B. Ora"...no, no, that's too obvious...how about "Orabay"? Anyway, when it was time to say goodbye, Orabay had the hand shake out to her...good move...conservative but safe. However, as she took his hand...she had a left shoulder lean in. I saw it, it was real. I saw the fear in his eyes. He reached up for the handshake-hug combo. Then she hesitated! I gasped. A mixed signal! Damnit! She changed the rules during the maneuver! But it was too late...they had already committed. Oh no! With disdain, both of them gritted their teeth. The smell of shame and disgust was palpable. But Bora...erm...Orabay got the last word with a little pat on the back at the end. That's right, Orabay, you show her that you weren't beaten. Bravo.
The Tain - Vol 2 - The Party
So, we got the park site ready. It was a very cool space with picnic tables and a huge fireplace. You could almost convince yourself that you weren't in the heart of suburbia...almost. The fire was going great, the food was set out, and the frisbee was warmed up....but no guests of honor. Two hours later....and an hour after we finished dinner....J and P showed up. Oops. By that time, everyone was tired and kranky...alright, fine, we're ALWAYS tired and kranky. But they were great sports and it was fun to see them. Apparently Jem had been unleashed in an adult toy shop...bad idea. There were penises (?peni?) and testicles all over the place [not mine]. And at the end of the night, there were gifts given. The plush handcuffs and non-petroleum lube were fairly well accepted...the large light blue vibrator, however, was welcomed skeptically. It wasn't even a quality product like the jackrabbit or hitachi but i think that those may have been regarded with even more disdain....erm....ahem....i digress....
The Tain - Vol 1 - Afternoon Delight
No, no, not THAT kind of afternoon delight...you know me better than that (please see all previous posts). Yesterday it was my job to make some alcoholic drink for the bachelorette party. I decided to try Sangria....i love a good sangria but have never made it. Thank goodness for the internet, there were a million different recipes for sangria. Damn the internet, there were a million different recipes for sangria. So, I did what any normal human would do. I judged the sites based on looks alone. Bad fonts?...you're out. Broken links?....nope. Misspellings...uh uh. Yep, the American way. Judging books by their cover on a daily basis. Anyway, I decided to double the recipe....two bottles of wine. Turned out to be a good idea. Apples, oranges, lemons, brandy, wine, sugar, and one sweaty arm to stir it all up. So, yesterday afternoon, I would taste it...more sugar needed; another taste...more orange juice. Before I knew it, I was laying on the couch, completely buzzed....brilliant...it's 3:30pm. That fucker has a wiley way of sneaking up on you. Had to sober up before use of the frisbee.
The Tain
Since I feel like rambling today, I thought I would break up my posts into more manageable pieces. Taking a cue from an old Celtic poetry style (and the decemberists), I will break my posts up into five parts. Umm, yeah, look I don't have original thought....if i did, would i be doing this? I didn't think so, get off your high horse.
vendredi, mai 20, 2005
You Do Nothing, Write
The clock is close....i can almost feel the spring breeze as I'm speeding home. Friday's always feel like the last day of school, even when you have to work for the weekend. I don't know if I hate my job, but I sure do love leaving it. Um...correction...on some [most] days I hate my job....though, today is not one of them. [though, in retrospect, it has been a fairly chaotic and emotional day....oh, who the fuck cares, it's friday]
ummm....i got nothing interesting to write about...or rather, i just want to get the hell out and can't think about what i should write. I hope you all have a great weekend....i will probably see both of you in less than a few hours. Do you guys maybe want to throw the frisbee around?
FRIDAY AFTERNOON POLL RESULTS:
Thank you all for answering the question!
A whopping 36% of you said gas prices (It surprised me, too!)
22% XBox vs Playstation at E3
7% Daylight savings time
7% Champagne
2% Prion disease (also a surprise)
1% Waitressing
1% Xenon
Friday Links:
photography from gov't institutions now at the smithsonian
What's cuter: sure it's accepted that the cutest thing in the world would be a kitten riding a baby goat in a cowboy outfit. But check out these kitten wars, they're almost too cute to call:
Stop motion movie....we're doin it, I'll bring the glitter:
Bansky! You Pesky Coot! He's dunnit agin!:
Rad Tag: is now my desktop
Deluge
Two things on the way to work:
1) I saw a guy wearing a poncho sitting on the steps of a building this morning....when i looked closer, it was a barber shop and the guy seemed to be wearing the hair-guard apron thingies...you have to wonder if he brought his own, since the barber shop was closed. strange.
2) In case any of the readership has a....oh, I don't know....mother visiting town; I did see one event that would be super fun that all mom's would like. Two words: Parking Lot. One more word: Carnival. Nothing says "I love you Mom" like hurtling in circles over cement in a rusty deathtrap. Unfortunately, the rain seems to be putting a damper on everything.
There is a Bonsai tree expo at olbrich garden this Saturday which could be an alternate event.
There is also the worlds largest pillow fight in appleton this weekend....m-e-o-w.
Mind Tricks
Alright, I'm a nerd, that's established. And I'm really excited for the new star wars...there it is. I'm not gonna stand in line for days, i'm not going dress up like the characters ('cuz dressing like Amydala under my work clothes is much harder than I thought) but I really need to see it before it leaves the theater. So, if any of the readership wants to see it sometime soon (though maybe not this weekend cuz of the crowds), let me know. Yoda is SO gonna be type-cast after these movies.
And maybe I'll make this blog somewhat useful and start puttin record reviews up...or I could just call you guys and tell which cds i like. Either way is fine, i got some great albums yesterday.
So, it's early right now. I'm ready to go to work, but don't want to go yet. This morning I realized that I have been hitting the snooze button for a FULL HOUR recently. Today, I decided not to snooze, and here I am....blogging in my underwear as the sun rises....great. So, either I have to get to bed earlier (as soon as i get home from work) or set my alarm for an hour earlier (0430am) yeah, that seems like a good idea, let's do that. NOTE TO ROOMMATES: I snooze, I booze, deal with it.
Hey girl, you wanna come over and meet my R2 unit?
Links:
I love America, and especially the American sense of time wastage: I'm sure you've wanted it, and here it is: people eating and crying...some of them are hilarious
You know it and I know it; the world is full of idiots and this proves it: Conversations overheard in New York
The real Indiana Jones is ready to find the lost ark this summer, no kidding. So, everybody prepare for your skin to melt.
And maybe I'll make this blog somewhat useful and start puttin record reviews up...or I could just call you guys and tell which cds i like. Either way is fine, i got some great albums yesterday.
So, it's early right now. I'm ready to go to work, but don't want to go yet. This morning I realized that I have been hitting the snooze button for a FULL HOUR recently. Today, I decided not to snooze, and here I am....blogging in my underwear as the sun rises....great. So, either I have to get to bed earlier (as soon as i get home from work) or set my alarm for an hour earlier (0430am) yeah, that seems like a good idea, let's do that. NOTE TO ROOMMATES: I snooze, I booze, deal with it.
Hey girl, you wanna come over and meet my R2 unit?
Links:
I love America, and especially the American sense of time wastage: I'm sure you've wanted it, and here it is: people eating and crying...some of them are hilarious
You know it and I know it; the world is full of idiots and this proves it: Conversations overheard in New York
The real Indiana Jones is ready to find the lost ark this summer, no kidding. So, everybody prepare for your skin to melt.
jeudi, mai 19, 2005
A Cautionary Tale
A word of warning: the button in the upper right corner of this browser is EVIL. Do NOT press it under any circumstances! It may say "next blog" but what it means is "Portal to HELL".
So, I try to limit my browsing on the internet at work to a minimum. My posts are done via remote email account, my links are usually saved from the previous day or week; i don't think I've even logged into my blog at work. Well, that is until today.
A little preface. I work with Puritans. All of them. Well, except for the Amish-folk and the occasional Shaker. The water-cooler talk is ridiculously boring [Shamus: How doth this water spigot maketh the water so cold? It must be the devil! Samuel: Verily, brother, let us smote it!]. And the internet is known as the instrument of the devil. Actually, it prolly is; but for the sake of this argument, let's say it's not.
Anywho, because I work in this sterile place, i don't like to use the internet. Today, however, I somehow decide to look at this blog. It looks great, right? everything is so witty and I am just the greatest thing since sliced bread, right? right?!? So, as i sit there scrolling through the site, I realize that someone had "sidled" next to me and was looking over my shoulder. What the hell? get the fuck out of my personal space, beeyotch! So, in a panic, i press the "next blog" button.
PLAYBOY TV's GANGBANG BUS screams at me from the next page. Oh god, please kill me now. They acted like they didn't see....but i'm waiting for the security escort and the leg irons.....
So, I try to limit my browsing on the internet at work to a minimum. My posts are done via remote email account, my links are usually saved from the previous day or week; i don't think I've even logged into my blog at work. Well, that is until today.
A little preface. I work with Puritans. All of them. Well, except for the Amish-folk and the occasional Shaker. The water-cooler talk is ridiculously boring [Shamus: How doth this water spigot maketh the water so cold? It must be the devil! Samuel: Verily, brother, let us smote it!]. And the internet is known as the instrument of the devil. Actually, it prolly is; but for the sake of this argument, let's say it's not.
Anywho, because I work in this sterile place, i don't like to use the internet. Today, however, I somehow decide to look at this blog. It looks great, right? everything is so witty and I am just the greatest thing since sliced bread, right? right?!? So, as i sit there scrolling through the site, I realize that someone had "sidled" next to me and was looking over my shoulder. What the hell? get the fuck out of my personal space, beeyotch! So, in a panic, i press the "next blog" button.
PLAYBOY TV's GANGBANG BUS screams at me from the next page. Oh god, please kill me now. They acted like they didn't see....but i'm waiting for the security escort and the leg irons.....
To Lunch
Hey...have any of you seen my coworker? I figure you have a better chance of seeing him than I, since I am at work....apparently the last place I would expect to see him. So....maybe here's where the breakdown happened. He was off yesterday for interviews, hey that's legit, i'm down wid employment. But we had made a deal last week that I would be able to take my car in to get fixed [neutered] this afternoon. Now, I think here's where the breakdown happened. I used the word "afternoon" which in the original Old English definition means "after the noon hour". Then he used the phrase "yeah, absolutely, whatever you want, that's fine" which apparently in dickface language is translated to "that means i don't have to come in until after noon....sweet. chump." Man, I don't even want to hear about the various difficulties of travel, family life, moving, the job search, the new rash, etc. that I know he will regail me with to try to distract me from the fact that he is a no talent ass clown ho bag.
He is going to get such a beating
in my mind.
mardi, mai 17, 2005
my fate is sealed
So, to pretty much make sure that i never am intimate with a female of my species; i will completely nerd out. I send a sincere thanks to the person that suggested "fontifier" to me, i checked it out; however, i think that a font of my handwriting would be like cloning GWB dropping a deuce on an orphan.....um....yeah... ...sorry....what i essentially meant was that "more of 'x' would not make the world a better place". However, I have a really kick ass font site for you to check out at http://fontleech.com/ , and if you go back through the archives they have some great font houses (including some really rawkin ones from Japan).
Darwinning
Where did i go so wrong? Most of the time I'm pretty pleased with myself for the most part; however, this morning was one of those times that I'm not quite sure where things went so poorly. I think perhaps it was that week in college that I wore my swimming trunks instead of underwear. Or perhaps it was the time I decided to use dishwashing detergent when i ran out of laundry detergent. No,maybe earlier, when I mixed hairspray, magnesium filings, and kerosene together and put them in my supersoaker [very cool, but bad idea]. No, probably it was the time I "accidently" got vaporub in places where vaporub should NOT be.
However, waking up at three thirty this morning on my weight bench has to be a particularly interesting turning point. Not too bad you say? No, I agree, just a little weird; i got too ambitious yesterday after a long day. No, that'd be fine, if that were it. But when I woke up, all groggy (it's three thirty, fer chrissakes) I felt odd. Hmm, strange sensation. Was it my back ache from sleeping on a board? Part of it, but something else.... I got up to go to the bathroom, but can't use it. I'm trying....but I can't. Slight panic. I can barely move my arms.
oh, i get it.....
brilliant.
I fell asleep on a ten inch board with my arms hanging off the sides with little circulation for a few hours.....
However, waking up at three thirty this morning on my weight bench has to be a particularly interesting turning point. Not too bad you say? No, I agree, just a little weird; i got too ambitious yesterday after a long day. No, that'd be fine, if that were it. But when I woke up, all groggy (it's three thirty, fer chrissakes) I felt odd. Hmm, strange sensation. Was it my back ache from sleeping on a board? Part of it, but something else.... I got up to go to the bathroom, but can't use it. I'm trying....but I can't. Slight panic. I can barely move my arms.
oh, i get it.....
brilliant.
I fell asleep on a ten inch board with my arms hanging off the sides with little circulation for a few hours.....
way to go.
Maybe let's escape into the internet with a few jumps, I've been neglecting them recently:
Popa Bawa : my nickname in high school - apparently it's the name of a bat-like molester in Zanzibar.....huh, maybe they should use vaporub
the Gumball 3000- Cannoonball Run comes alive - i think quentin tarantino and Daryl Hannah are racing one of the cars
For the Vegetarians: so...you think yer too good for hamburgers, huh? Well, maybe you'll change your mind after you read this blog about hamburgers
Super cool idea about secret wall art: I had a similar idea of writing things on rental car seat belts (you pull it out far, it will something like "hey fatty, lose some weight" [sorry it's mean] or "you don't want to know what happened in the seat you're strapping yourself into" Okay, this is much cooler than my idea.
The Big O (no, not overstock.com and their...umm....arousing ads)- Another NYT article; this one is about the usefullness of female orgasm evolutionarily. So, it ain't my fault, girl, if i can't make it happen, i mean i gots a billion years of evolution all up in my grill. I'm pretty sure that premature evacuation is an evolutionary advantage....which may be a problem for ....um....other dudes.
Photoshop tools for relationships: McSweeney gives a list of useful photoshop tools for a relationship....my favorite: blur more and undo.
Krump dancing - kickass looking documentary about a dancing style that ...came out of the LA riots?!!? whatever, it's pretty rad, yo.
Diane Arbus at the Met- she's great, so if you happen to be in new york this weekend, go see it.
lundi, mai 16, 2005
Moby is an Idiot
So, today has been a weird day already. And since i'm fighting with one of my coworkers, I have been very distracted to say the least. So, here's an article that proves what i have known for a long time. Moby is a complete idiot. It may be harsh, but sadly, it is true. Don't believe me? Well, please read on. If you do believe me, however, then there is no need to keep reading, just continue to sit there being warmed by your own sense of self satisfaction.
In a recent interview:
In a recent interview:
MOBY: .....As a matter of fact, I was talking to my friend Laura, who sings on the record, and we're both getting to the point where we want to start families. We're convinced that if we have children, we're going to do everything in our power to make them gay. Like maybe drinking a lot of extra soy milk while she's pregnant, or anything that would work to make that happen. I'd just rather have a really sharp, interesting, smart gay son than some big dumb hetero meathead.....
Yeah, don't even get me started, my hackles are already up and my claws have already drawn blood.
But as a corollary to a previous post. Why does being "sharp, interesting, smart" mean that you have to be gay? I'm not saying that I have any of these qualities (I totally have to write that so I don't seem narcissistic) [ed. note: he totally is] but being sharp, smart, and interesting is something that everyone should strive towards. How does that correlate to sexual preference? [ed. note: sorry to interrupt this diatribe, he's really on the soapbox today; i just wanted to add that the other people in the office here refer to this writer as "your highness" or simply as "that arrogant, self absorbed ass hat"...okay back to the finger wagging!] Why can't people just say that certain humans care about certain things rather than break things down by gender. I know what a well cut dress or suit looks like; I know what the four c's that determine diamond price are*, and I know that I have combination skin (all this doesn't make me gay, it just makes me ridiculous). I don't follow organized sports so much, and yes, i do love design; does that make me homosexual? Does wearing assless chaps make me gay? Hmmm, okay, maybe. But if i want to dress a certain way, does that make me want to prefer men more? Did Liberace's costumes make him gay? Actually, no, it was the sex with men that made him gay. I mean, sure, I look great in spandex but ....wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Moby is a stupid piece of crap.
And Yay, flickr is not longer flash based!
*cut, color, clarity, carat weight
Tenuous Grip
Alright, I'll freely admit I'm a dork. I will also admit that my likes and dislikes may verge on ridiculousness. However, I just found an article today that I think was great. It's an article about Fonts from the NYT. Yes, yes, i know; i was ecstatic, too. Yep...fonts make me really hot. I mean, I work in a world of serif only fonts, where nobody cares how things look, they abuse trashy fonts during presentations, and even now i'm typing on a "courier" machine. blech. In the article, they talk all about one of my favorite fonts, futura, in less than glowing terms; but i think it was to prove a point. And, *sigh*, I miss my helvetica....arial really does NOT do it for me. Okay...so if I have not yet sufficiently alienated myself from every normal human by now...I'll keep working on it.
(They also have a great article about modernism)
dimanche, mai 15, 2005
tomatoes
So...I can't remember who I had this argument with recently.....but I really think Andie McDowell is a horrible actress....she has the power to give me fits of rage due to the shittiness of her acting. Well, I just found this survey....check out the upper right corner of this article. Harsh. Do I care? Meh.
Flickr'd
So I've spent most of my day trying to tweak my flickr stuff. I'm not sure why the organizr isn't working, whatever. I'm sitting watching the last survivor....I hate survivor but I got nothin else. I had a blast last night hanging out with the readership of the blog, we should have meetings more often. We went to one of my new favorite places, and again it's lived up to expectations.
I am completely dreading another work week.
I'm trying to figure out how to moblog, just can't get it to work. I think my cell phone is the rate limiting step. I will keep trying, don't worry.
Screw you DJ
So the question was posed this morning, and apparently this has been a burning question....How to clean up a maple sugar spill courtesy of Kottke
Both a tribute to Hellraiser that we met this morning at the Breakfast place and a conversation from last night: fun radiology
Fuggin A, Tom won, predictable.
I am completely dreading another work week.
I'm trying to figure out how to moblog, just can't get it to work. I think my cell phone is the rate limiting step. I will keep trying, don't worry.
Screw you DJ
So the question was posed this morning, and apparently this has been a burning question....How to clean up a maple sugar spill courtesy of Kottke
Both a tribute to Hellraiser that we met this morning at the Breakfast place and a conversation from last night: fun radiology
Fuggin A, Tom won, predictable.
samedi, mai 14, 2005
Crack-like
My bed is like crack. I can't walk by it without at least touching it. I mean the comforter is so soft and warm. The sheets on right now are just great too; they have a high thread count and a smooth finish; just wonderful. That's the reason. That's the reason I spent the last three hours in bed. That's the reason I spent the last three hours in bed mixed up in two loads of recently washed laundry. It's like the bermuda triangle, it has a limitless mass and I can't escape its gravity. Nor do I really want to...i can't wait to get back in it. Crap, there goes my productivity.
Deus Ex Machina
An Open Letter To Jason Molina:
Hey, I really enjoyed your show last night, all three bands were great. It was really cool chatting with you. I'll have to admit, I had to act like I didn't recognize you, since I usually would whore myself out and fawn "I love all of your songs, I think you're great, i'm gonna carve your name in my back"...well, okay, i'm not that bad. So, it was great chatting with you; thank you for complementing my jacket...yes, i know it was probably weird when I said I think it was a women's jacket because it buttoned from the other side....look, I panicked because i don't take complements well and am hugely akward in social situations.....but honestly, the cut looks great on me, you have to admit [ahem, sorry]. I'm sure you prayed for an end to our akward conversation. Oh look, the door was unlocked and the bathroom was actually empty this whole time. I know I looked like a jackass for waiting outside of an empty bathroom, but as I opened the door, thanks for the pat on the back and the inspiring words "Go get 'em, tiger!"
An Open Letter To Lou Reed Guy and Bull in the China Shop Guy:
Dear fellas, every time I go to a show, the people there are always what makes the show. And you two did your darndest to make it a memorable show last night.
Lou Reed Guy, thank you for freaking both myself and my friends out. Your fucked up way of flirting with my friend was at the same time pathetic and creepy. I believe the word "stalkerish"....if it is a word, it would definitely apply to you. And are you certain that your tactics are sound? Really, placing yourself forward and to the left of your "prey" so you can leer over your shoulder akwardly, does that work? Oh, but my favorite part was your little butt wiggle....do you really think shaking your man candy booty will do it? Dude, it ain't there. Christ, how do you even fit into those jeans? Well, good luck with all of that, be safe.
And to Bull in the China Shop Guy, I only have a few things for you. First of all, give up drinking and lose some weight....there it is, right out there. I mean really, how much did you have to drink? Because, for most of the evening, you were swaying and spilling most of your beer on you pants. And was that a sweat or beer ring around your sweatshirt collar? If it's that hard to tell, it means something needs to change. I'll miss how you sway and spiral randomly through the crowd chest first, it's endearing. Oh yeah, and then slurring that you wanted to go home with my friends....classic, let me know if that works, cuz i'm totally gonna steal that. Really, I hope things go better for you, you worry me.
Hey, I really enjoyed your show last night, all three bands were great. It was really cool chatting with you. I'll have to admit, I had to act like I didn't recognize you, since I usually would whore myself out and fawn "I love all of your songs, I think you're great, i'm gonna carve your name in my back"...well, okay, i'm not that bad. So, it was great chatting with you; thank you for complementing my jacket...yes, i know it was probably weird when I said I think it was a women's jacket because it buttoned from the other side....look, I panicked because i don't take complements well and am hugely akward in social situations.....but honestly, the cut looks great on me, you have to admit [ahem, sorry]. I'm sure you prayed for an end to our akward conversation. Oh look, the door was unlocked and the bathroom was actually empty this whole time. I know I looked like a jackass for waiting outside of an empty bathroom, but as I opened the door, thanks for the pat on the back and the inspiring words "Go get 'em, tiger!"
An Open Letter To Lou Reed Guy and Bull in the China Shop Guy:
Dear fellas, every time I go to a show, the people there are always what makes the show. And you two did your darndest to make it a memorable show last night.
Lou Reed Guy, thank you for freaking both myself and my friends out. Your fucked up way of flirting with my friend was at the same time pathetic and creepy. I believe the word "stalkerish"....if it is a word, it would definitely apply to you. And are you certain that your tactics are sound? Really, placing yourself forward and to the left of your "prey" so you can leer over your shoulder akwardly, does that work? Oh, but my favorite part was your little butt wiggle....do you really think shaking your man candy booty will do it? Dude, it ain't there. Christ, how do you even fit into those jeans? Well, good luck with all of that, be safe.
And to Bull in the China Shop Guy, I only have a few things for you. First of all, give up drinking and lose some weight....there it is, right out there. I mean really, how much did you have to drink? Because, for most of the evening, you were swaying and spilling most of your beer on you pants. And was that a sweat or beer ring around your sweatshirt collar? If it's that hard to tell, it means something needs to change. I'll miss how you sway and spiral randomly through the crowd chest first, it's endearing. Oh yeah, and then slurring that you wanted to go home with my friends....classic, let me know if that works, cuz i'm totally gonna steal that. Really, I hope things go better for you, you worry me.
vendredi, mai 13, 2005
Doom on You
Hey! How was your day? Mine blew, thanks.
So I get into work this morning...a little early actually because y'know, being friday I wanted to get my shit square then leave. Coming into the office I share with the other guy I work with, I see a note on the keyboard. "Huh" I think, "who left that?" Oh hey, it's from the other guy I work with....hmmm. And I read it. It says "Blah blah blah blah blah blah [ed. note: full text deleted for readers benefit]blah blah blah. Have a great weekend!" Hmmm... what day is it? It's Friday right? Isn't that usually a day of work? Is Friday the 13th a holiday? I'm stunned.....we didn't discuss him taking the day off.....what a brilliant move. All day I wandered around with the note in my pocket....the pure genius behind it....i still have it now.
And when i see that fucknutz next, i'm gonna jam that note past his broken jaw and down his gurgling throat. I need a drink.
(Sorry for the violence, i don't mean it, i'm really a pacifist but just have rage issues; gotta stop playing "Manhunt")
By the way, your fly is down.
So I get into work this morning...a little early actually because y'know, being friday I wanted to get my shit square then leave. Coming into the office I share with the other guy I work with, I see a note on the keyboard. "Huh" I think, "who left that?" Oh hey, it's from the other guy I work with....hmmm. And I read it. It says "Blah blah blah blah blah blah [ed. note: full text deleted for readers benefit]blah blah blah. Have a great weekend!" Hmmm... what day is it? It's Friday right? Isn't that usually a day of work? Is Friday the 13th a holiday? I'm stunned.....we didn't discuss him taking the day off.....what a brilliant move. All day I wandered around with the note in my pocket....the pure genius behind it....i still have it now.
And when i see that fucknutz next, i'm gonna jam that note past his broken jaw and down his gurgling throat. I need a drink.
(Sorry for the violence, i don't mean it, i'm really a pacifist but just have rage issues; gotta stop playing "Manhunt")
By the way, your fly is down.
Automaton
Alright, I have to go to work in a few hours but i'm not really sleepy, so two short clips about cars:
1) My car [Hana] recently had her right rear tail-light smashed by some SUV or truck drivin' insecure ass hat [i will be of that group soon]. So, every time I hit the breaks, I can see her right thigh scream in a flash of nekkid white light....it hurts me to see her degraded like that. But I went to get her fixed today and one of the fellas told me a story of pure evil; here it is: He said several years ago, he worked in food service [editors note: it is not a good sign to have a mechanic who previously worked food service...it just seems like a poor prognostic indicator] and parked his truck for delivery. To his dismay, he returned to his truck and found a huge gash gouged into its side. Distraught, he found a note tucked under the windshield wiper that read "All the people that witnessed this accident think I'm writing my information down. I ain't. C Ya" [sic]
That has got to be one of the most evil shit I ever heard....
2) On a completely random note, I saw a strange vanity plate today [why are there so many vanity plates?...yes, I know you "luv bcky" or are a "pckr bckr", fuck off]. The plate was on an alero that read "ASSCLWN"....first of all, aren't they supposed to screen profanity? and second, what the hell does that mean? Does he mean ass clown, as in "no talent ass clown"? or is he broadcasting his sensual preference? You don't see me with plates reading "ped0ph1l" or "vgnl dl8r". well, okay, in a perfect world it would, sure. However, in reality my plates say "America's Dairyland". Aww fuckin kill me.
1) My car [Hana] recently had her right rear tail-light smashed by some SUV or truck drivin' insecure ass hat [i will be of that group soon]. So, every time I hit the breaks, I can see her right thigh scream in a flash of nekkid white light....it hurts me to see her degraded like that. But I went to get her fixed today and one of the fellas told me a story of pure evil; here it is: He said several years ago, he worked in food service [editors note: it is not a good sign to have a mechanic who previously worked food service...it just seems like a poor prognostic indicator] and parked his truck for delivery. To his dismay, he returned to his truck and found a huge gash gouged into its side. Distraught, he found a note tucked under the windshield wiper that read "All the people that witnessed this accident think I'm writing my information down. I ain't. C Ya" [sic]
That has got to be one of the most evil shit I ever heard....
2) On a completely random note, I saw a strange vanity plate today [why are there so many vanity plates?...yes, I know you "luv bcky" or are a "pckr bckr", fuck off]. The plate was on an alero that read "ASSCLWN"....first of all, aren't they supposed to screen profanity? and second, what the hell does that mean? Does he mean ass clown, as in "no talent ass clown"? or is he broadcasting his sensual preference? You don't see me with plates reading "ped0ph1l" or "vgnl dl8r". well, okay, in a perfect world it would, sure. However, in reality my plates say "America's Dairyland". Aww fuckin kill me.
jeudi, mai 12, 2005
Lothario
All right, I have some down time, so I may as well post. Yesterday was possibly the worst day I've had in months. It's the first time in a long time that I just went to sleep early to end the pain. However, today is shaping up to be a ridiculously good day, so there you go.
So, this morning I got an email from one of my ex-girlfriends. Though we still have some of the same friends, I only hear mention of her in passing from them. The last contact was a year ago, when I wished her a happy birthday....no reply, so fine, no attempts at friendly contact (we didn't end horribly, it was just the drifting apart of friends, I tend to do that). But she tells me this morning that she just got engaged this past weekend. Hey, great! I am geniunely happy for her. However, it did get me to thinking that every girlfriend that I've broken up with has gotten married....to the guy they started dating immediately after our relationship ends. What the hell does that mean?!?!? I am now 5 for 5. Where does this strange power come from? Is it my super power? How can I use that to fight crime? Crap...gotta go....you stick that in your craw and tell me what you think.
Moss grafitti: Old school tagging
http://www.storiesfromspace.co.uk/data/html/mossgraffiti.html
WWJW: what would Jesus weigh?: http://www.livejournal.com/users/jwz/473946.html umm...does that take into account regeneration at easter? Is it blasphemous? Regardless, my dad would prolly be disappointed.
Marksmen
Man....it is a wonder that we've won any wars ever....because it is damn sure that these veterans have horrible aim while using the urinals. ewww.
mercredi, mai 11, 2005
Breakbeatz
Pshew....long busy day at work.....two friends went at it fiercely and now i'm stuck in the middle. It's crazy how fast things can escalate, especially when people [read: Jackasses] won't back down. Strange. Well, at least i didn't [almost] kill anybody today cuz that would totally suck.
Sorry i'm a little cranky today.
Oh...and just to let you know....if you're riding a bike at dusk....acting ninja-like and wearing all black is NOT a good idea.
On a completely unrelated note, I need to get some new Jersey's and perhaps a light for my bike.
goodnight.
Sorry i'm a little cranky today.
Oh...and just to let you know....if you're riding a bike at dusk....acting ninja-like and wearing all black is NOT a good idea.
On a completely unrelated note, I need to get some new Jersey's and perhaps a light for my bike.
goodnight.
mardi, mai 10, 2005
dimanche, mai 08, 2005
Pulsatile
Nothing too exciting to write about really. I've fallen out of the habit of blogging....it's only a matter of time until I only write to this blog when I'm visiting their city and need a place to stay. I'm a whore that way. Well, maybe I'm paying for it now since i have this skull crushing headache. Unfortunately, they're getting worse and closer together....wait a minute...maybe they're contractions and when they get close enough, my brain will give birth to....um....kittens.
So, rain all week, huh. Great, just when i'm starting to get into cycling, the rains start. Well, that's okay....because i'm gonna wear my spandex, my shoes, and my camelback while playing playstation. (oooh, my camelback is great.....which I just bought today...shut up, i totally needed it....). I went on a fairly easy but fun ride today, played some tennis, then some frisbee....pshew, i'm done for the year.
I'm looking square in the face of a shitty work week; i hope everybody has a good day tomorrow. Good night.
BB:"Would I turn on the oven if he [the gangster] was in there?"
Cop: "You might, rabbit. You might."
Bugs and Thugs, 1954
So, rain all week, huh. Great, just when i'm starting to get into cycling, the rains start. Well, that's okay....because i'm gonna wear my spandex, my shoes, and my camelback while playing playstation. (oooh, my camelback is great.....which I just bought today...shut up, i totally needed it....). I went on a fairly easy but fun ride today, played some tennis, then some frisbee....pshew, i'm done for the year.
I'm looking square in the face of a shitty work week; i hope everybody has a good day tomorrow. Good night.
BB:"Would I turn on the oven if he [the gangster] was in there?"
Cop: "You might, rabbit. You might."
Bugs and Thugs, 1954
vendredi, mai 06, 2005
quisling
Aight, so today fuckin blew....sorry about the language mom, but it's muthafuckin true. I sold my friends up the river....it's my job for the next four weeks. But at least I do it with a smile and Winston Churchill once said "When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite". I'm not sure what that means....ummm...nobody's dead....really.
Gonna go for a short ride now, still need some practice before i go big-time [training wheels off] but I'm gonna make this next.
Fuktup fo sho
Free star charts for the masses
I love macro and insects, it's microcosmos in stills....with the photographer's name annoyingly imprinted across the images...jerk
Gonna go for a short ride now, still need some practice before i go big-time [training wheels off] but I'm gonna make this next.
Fuktup fo sho
Free star charts for the masses
I love macro and insects, it's microcosmos in stills....with the photographer's name annoyingly imprinted across the images...jerk
mercredi, mai 04, 2005
Still Off the Grid
Hey.....who the hell is supposed to update this piece? Isn't there anything "interesting" to write about? Damn....don't make me have to go read whatevs.org (ugh) cuz i'm bored. Oh wait....oops...yeah, sorry; i'll update this as soon as i get some free time, jerks. later.
dimanche, mai 01, 2005
An Open Letter to REI
Dear REI,
Thank you for years of wonderful service. I have bought hundreds of dollars worth of clothing and gear over the years and am proud to be a member. And being a member, I have one request that I feel you should take quite seriously. The next time you switch the men's and women's department, please send all the members some sort of notice. I will admit that I looked rather rakish in the capilene thong; however, you can lose the employee's judging eyes. Thanks for listening.
Thank you for years of wonderful service. I have bought hundreds of dollars worth of clothing and gear over the years and am proud to be a member. And being a member, I have one request that I feel you should take quite seriously. The next time you switch the men's and women's department, please send all the members some sort of notice. I will admit that I looked rather rakish in the capilene thong; however, you can lose the employee's judging eyes. Thanks for listening.
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