Deus Ex Machina

An Open Letter To Jason Molina:

Hey, I really enjoyed your show last night, all three bands were great. It was really cool chatting with you. I'll have to admit, I had to act like I didn't recognize you, since I usually would whore myself out and fawn "I love all of your songs, I think you're great, i'm gonna carve your name in my back"...well, okay, i'm not that bad. So, it was great chatting with you; thank you for complementing my jacket...yes, i know it was probably weird when I said I think it was a women's jacket because it buttoned from the other side....look, I panicked because i don't take complements well and am hugely akward in social situations.....but honestly, the cut looks great on me, you have to admit [ahem, sorry]. I'm sure you prayed for an end to our akward conversation. Oh look, the door was unlocked and the bathroom was actually empty this whole time. I know I looked like a jackass for waiting outside of an empty bathroom, but as I opened the door, thanks for the pat on the back and the inspiring words "Go get 'em, tiger!"

An Open Letter To Lou Reed Guy and Bull in the China Shop Guy:

Dear fellas, every time I go to a show, the people there are always what makes the show. And you two did your darndest to make it a memorable show last night.
Lou Reed Guy, thank you for freaking both myself and my friends out. Your fucked up way of flirting with my friend was at the same time pathetic and creepy. I believe the word "stalkerish"....if it is a word, it would definitely apply to you. And are you certain that your tactics are sound? Really, placing yourself forward and to the left of your "prey" so you can leer over your shoulder akwardly, does that work? Oh, but my favorite part was your little butt wiggle....do you really think shaking your man candy booty will do it? Dude, it ain't there. Christ, how do you even fit into those jeans? Well, good luck with all of that, be safe.

And to Bull in the China Shop Guy, I only have a few things for you. First of all, give up drinking and lose some weight....there it is, right out there. I mean really, how much did you have to drink? Because, for most of the evening, you were swaying and spilling most of your beer on you pants. And was that a sweat or beer ring around your sweatshirt collar? If it's that hard to tell, it means something needs to change. I'll miss how you sway and spiral randomly through the crowd chest first, it's endearing. Oh yeah, and then slurring that you wanted to go home with my friends....classic, let me know if that works, cuz i'm totally gonna steal that. Really, I hope things go better for you, you worry me.