Holeeeee Sheeeeeit

Let me tell you a story about my lunch today...there was an outdoor patio and some friends and some food, then a car race, up on a curb, running red lights, two needles in the leg, a sprint to the .....oh wait, i'm getting ahead of myself, sorry.

So....I had some students working with me for the past month and I thought it would be nice to treat them to a nice end of the lunch place. My compatriot picked a great place close to work [thank god], with a beautiful patio. We ordered, and started eating a delicious meal. We're eating, talking trash, and having an overall good time.....when one of the students pipes up and quietly inquires "Are there nuts in any of these?"

oh shit.

I back up from the table and am halfway to my car with him close in tow. We jump in my car and i tear out of there. "I'm doing okay" he squeaks with a voice raspier than i've ever heard it. Fuck. Traffic. Calm left turn, then another....then one more....headed in the right direction now.

A quick glance over tells me things aren't good. Is he gaining weight? Fuck again. "How are you doin man?" He hesitates. Fuck fuck. Okay....time to speed up. A bus lane here, a bike lane there...a curb, a shoulder, 75 in a 25...is that bad? Slalom through cars, then running a red light, up a back alley, and into the urgent care.

"Epi, NOW"

shuffle, shuffle, shuffle....alright, if there is one time that I need speed, people, it's right now. Luckily, a tired friend lends a hand. One shot in the leg.... sweet.

wait.

shouldn't it work by now?

Another one.....shouldn't it work by now?!?

Fuck once more.

"Get in a wheelchair"....partially on two wheels, we make it next door to the ER. Luckily, we get a great guy. He whispers "Do you want to intubate your friend?" Fuck that. But they give him the works....and over the next few guilt ridden hours, his breathing returns to normal.

my sphincter finally loosens.

I came waaaay too close to killing a friend today. brilliant.

I need a drink.