Cautionary Tale

If you live in a land locked region, as I do, you come to learn certain rules.  One, for example, is that copious amounts of alcohol reduces awareness of being landlocked.  Another rule is that you must refer to everything from the Coasts in terms of the midwest (For example mom 1: "Janey's going to Harvard!"  Mom 2: "Oh yah, that's great, I hear that's the Northwestern of the East Coast!")  The third rules....one of the most important rules....is that the term "Fresh Fish" in the Midwest is almost always a huge lie.   No matter how much ice they use, the idea of "fresh" is very loosely based in reality.  Anyway, yesterday I broke one of the cardinal rules and had THE WORST MEAL OF MY LIFE.  I'm the only one to blame.  It was a free meal, I got greedy, and paid the price.  Damn you Captain Bill, damn you to hell.