An Open Letter to The Woman at the desk next to me,
Hi! How are you? Things look like they're going great for you. It sounds like you're really enjoying that soup in a cup. No, I really like those stirrup pants. But what seems to be bothering me now are those calisthenics you are doing [aren't I finicky? I know, I'm so lame] . Yeah, it looks like you're really limber, way to go. But, you see, the fact that you are currently only five feet away from me and doing your exercises non-stop is really starting to bug me a little..no...alotta bit. The calf raises earlier were fine, minimal motion, perfect. But the recent progression to full windmills and lateral leg raises is almost too much. What the hell are you training for anyway? From the looks of the exercises, it looks like you'll be swimming the channel? River-dancing? boxing Old Timey Irishmen? Hmm, good luck with all that. No, no, keep doing your exercises, it's good for you. At least you're not showing us pictures of those fucking Maltese's (you know, your babies) "Itsy" and "Bitsy". Gag. [It really paints a picture, doesn't it?]
God I am being so mean today. Sorry. I need sleep.
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